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I understand what the OP is saying, but it's not worded how he meant it, I don't think.
It's not the vibrator that is the problem; it's the fact it's been a secret that upsets him, eh?
My wife doesn't touch herself, although I wish she would and I encourage her to, but she insists she would never do it. On the other hand, because of her adamant position on the topic, if I were to find out she has been touching herself all along for years, but in secret, I would feel completely betrayed and crushed. We don't seem to have any underlying issues, though, so I can't possibly imagine this ever being a problem in the first place.
I wish to retract my comments made earlier in this thread. It was wrong for me to impose my tastes on someone else. I know I wouldn't want my wife to push me out of my comfort zone.