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I know all this, its just its hard at times. I stopped all drugs at age 28 and at times now at 43 feel like I am boring. It seemed for a second that her life was so much fun. I know that sounds crazy, its just I have been so responsible, doing everything right, and sometimes life is just plain not fun anymore for me. I have alot of hobbies and passions that have replaced drugs, weightlifting is a big one but you cant do it all day and night. It just seems she is so free no home , no payments, no roots, and I have all these things such as my aging father, my house, my sister who is blind. I just got so caught up with all these chains and have stopped having fun. So I guess I glamourized her life for a moment. I know its not fun deep down but it STIRRED up alot of the past. Thanks for reality.
It's called growing up and being an adult. Nothing wrong with having fun, so long as you aren't hurting anyone else and you cover your ass. There is nothing glamorous about a 40-something year old woman with four kids and a meth problem. There are thousands of homeless people who aren't restrained by possessions, a home, a job, bills, and responsibilites, I doubt any of them would characterize their life as "glamorous".
I know all this, its just its hard at times. I stopped all drugs at age 28 and at times now at 43 feel like I am boring. It seemed for a second that her life was so much fun. I know that sounds crazy, its just I have been so responsible, doing everything right, and sometimes life is just plain not fun anymore for me. I have alot of hobbies and passions that have replaced drugs, weightlifting is a big one but you cant do it all day and night. It just seems she is so free no home , no payments, no roots, and I have all these things such as my aging father, my house, my sister who is blind. I just got so caught up with all these chains and have stopped having fun. So I guess I glamourized her life for a moment. I know its not fun deep down but it STIRRED up alot of the past. Thanks for reality.
You should be congratulated for your hard work! Overcoming addiction is no easy feat and it's a lifetime of commitment. I didn't mean to come off as harsh but you really need to see how the progress in your life cannot be compared to hers. Another reason why I said you aren't ready to take her on as a social work project. It's best to "unfriend" her because until you are at the point where you will never question or waiver in your stance about how far you've come and NOTHING will drag you back.....you will be of no help to her or yourself.
Life is not boring...it's different for you now and it's what you make of it. Thank God you are here today to be able to say "I made it through" because alot of people don't and I imagine they would take "boring" any day to strung out, homeless, addicted or death.
Good work stevemore and continue on your journey. Life is a beautiful thing....
Steve, do you have a sponsor or mentor, like people in AA? Sounds to me like you need someone to talk to in real life - TODAY. Your post just reeks of someone about to do something stupid.
I hope I'm wrong - you've been straight and sober so long (15 years!), but you do seem like you're about to fall off the wagon to me.
ANYBODY who for even a nano second would glamorize the life of a meth addict as "fun" and "free" is having a problem.
PLEASE, seek someone out right now that can help reel you back in off that ledge you are standing on.
I'm pulling for you - just wish I could really pull you back.
no I dont have one, however its funny that you mentioned this, I was thinking maybe meeting some people who are sober would be fun. I just did it on my own quit and basically lived a pretty boring shelter life. Never really having close friends after my addiction ended. Just the person my husband and now at age 43 its just not enough. I have problems getting close to people even after all these non addicted years. So it just seemed to me to get close to a friend again would be great. I guess Im lonely.
no I dont have one, however its funny that you mentioned this, I was thinking maybe meeting some people who are sober would be fun. I just did it on my own quit and basically lived a pretty boring shelter life. Never really having close friends after my addiction ended. Just the person my husband and now at age 43 its just not enough. I have problems getting close to people even after all these non addicted years. So it just seemed to me to get close to a friend again would be great. I guess Im lonely.
Now you're getting somewhere You have identified the core problem - you're lonely. The next step is figuring out what to do about that - get busy
thanks, its funny now I can see really what I am missing. I am missing a friend. I have a great husband and hobbies but really have not bonded with a close friend beside husband. I am lonely for close friendship. I would make such a great friend I can now see I am lonely for a close bond. Its funny even more deep is I lost my mother in August so maybe thats why this looking for a friend means something to me now. I was hoping that we could bond again but a meth head would really not be a good idea. Its not the right friend. I am going to try to get closer to people. I have been invited to a party from a girl at my gym and instead of turning it down, I am going to go and try to get out there and meet someone who I have more in common with.
thanks, its funny now I can see really what I am missing. I am missing a friend. I have a great husband and hobbies but really have not bonded with a close friend beside husband. I am lonely for close friendship. I would make such a great friend I can now see I am lonely for a close bond. Its funny even more deep is I lost my mother in August so maybe thats why this looking for a friend means something to me now. I was hoping that we could bond again but a meth head would really not be a good idea. Its not the right friend. I am going to try to get closer to people. I have been invited to a party from a girl at my gym and instead of turning it down, I am going to go and try to get out there and meet someone who I have more in common with.
WOO HOO, that's the spirit!!!
You go girl!
I KNOW how hard it can be to find good friends, but until you put yourself out there and open yourself up to people it's less likely to happen.
This post is great. You are right, there was no inbetween so the choice is to be a total bore. I think this is funny but so true. I really liked you insight. Thanks for the reality check. You seem pretty cool and have a good grasp on my feeling and addiction. Alot of people dont get it but you did. Thanks so much.
Thank you. I do get where you are coming from. I am not an addict but I have them in my family. I lost my brother to addiction. He could not handle being responsible...it was too boring. My mother is an alcoholic and finds my life so boring that we can't stand to be around each other for more than a few hours. So my plight to offer you insight is a personal one because despite my constant pleas, money....anything short of putting him in a straight jacket and bounding him in chains would not stop him.
You found your way to sobriety, don't throw all your hard work away. Get out there and make new, sober friends. Believe me, if being responisible was so bad and boring....the world would be full of addicts. You can have sobriety and a social life, it's up to you.
thanks all, I need this. I am heading out for the day with husband. Will fill you in. BTW, she the friend called this morning and it did not sound too fun! She was paranoid and wacked. It actually this time being so early in the morning CA time 700am , made me nervous to talk to her. The more I see the less I am liking. When we have talked at times she seemed so fun and happy but now its turning out to be a train wreck like someone said. I am going to have to end this. Its just starting now to shake me up a bit. Its going down hill fast for her I can see this. She just got out of rehab for 6 months and when she first got in touch with me its seemed good, happy , things were fun and she had some control. Slowly its getting out of control. I have decided to end this now that I have figured out what I need to do.
Thanks again for this big reality check. Btw, I have no plans on getting high. I have urges that come now and then not that often maybe once a year but nothing that I cant handle. Drugs for me at the end were terrilbe. I had a terrible time, it was not fun. I actually am laughing now because to hear her thinking that she is having fun is a joke. What was I thinking. Now that I figured out its the lack of friendship I have a better grip.
Stevemorse, my heart goes out to you. IMHO, you should just forget the "friend" out west (easier said than done, I know) and work on getting to know some folks in your area. A support group could be just the ticket. There's nothing like sharing with an empathetic group of people who have walked a similar path to yours. And it could very well lead to some close friendships.
Have you talked with your husband about your loneliness? Perhaps the two of you could find a group with whom you share common interests - a conservation club, garden club, dance club, music, art, whatever! and start attending functions and making new friends there. Or start attending services at a place of worship, if you are so inclined. Do some volunteer work at an animal shelter, retirement community, food pantry, or the like. You mentioned your sister is blind, and it sounded as though you feel that is a burden. Perhaps there is a fellowship group for blind people and their families. You could meet some people that way.
There are so many ways to meet people and make friends. I do realize that's very difficult if you are not gregarious by nature, but if you take baby steps you may find your way to a whole new life.
You've received some good advice on this thread - mainly, to let go of your west coast friend and concentrate on changing your own environment. You should be very proud of yourself for kicking your addiction(s)! Now pat yourself on the back and go out there and see what fun and exciting (but responsible! ha) things life has to offer you! I wish you the best.
Steve, Since your first post on this thread you have gotten very good advice from some very wonderful and caring people. What you choose to do with this advice is up to you. No one can help you if you arn't interested in helping yourself. I know it must be hard to turn your back on this long time friend and walk away, but it is best if you do that very thing. I've never been an addict, and I've never had any friends who were addicts, so don't know how you feel or what you are thinking. Learn some people skills and make some new friends and loneliness will eventually end. Are there any clubs in our area that do things you are interestd in? That could be a start with making new friends. And don't forget the people here that have been happy to offer advice, you won't find a better group to tell your troubles to...
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Overcoming addiction is no easy feat and it's a lifetime of commitment. I didn't mean to come off as harsh but you really need to see how the progress in your life cannot be compared to hers. Another reason why I said you aren't ready to take her on as a social work project. It's best to "unfriend" her because until you are at the point where you will never question or waiver in your stance about how far you've come and NOTHING will drag you back.....you will be of no help to her or yourself. 
