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So then you admit that in certain situations, it's okay to do something thinking only of yourself with no regard to how it affects your SO?
Your SO didn't care about you in the first place when they cheated so why should you? I'm not saying I'll do that but I'm pointing out that instead of making you happy and being loyal to the relationship, they decide to totally disregard you as a person as well as your feelings. They put themselves first so why should you even consider them as a person. They stop having those rights the moment they step out of the relationship.
Ok,it was never something I never thought I'd do. After 2 1/2 years of nothing to the point of him coming home and I'd give him a hug and he'd unwrap my arms and say "what do you want?" . All the while getting ananymous calls saying to get tested for STDs cuz of who he was sleeping with, (didn't matter I wasn't with anyone) Finding out he was spending about 3 grand a week on strippers. (I supported us) Being a borderline sex fiend myself, doing all house,car,business chores, maintaining myself totally, trying to drive recklessly to get killed in an accident--- yep.......I did it.
When I finally "DID the deed", I drove home scrunched down in the car seat waiting for a bolt of lightning to strike me( realistically) But, it was exactly what I needed to wake me up and feel alive enough to WANT to be alive. So, cast ye no stones for anyone. Selfish? Damn right. Sometimes if it takes someone else "treating" you like you matter to make you want to matter??? Why not. And no, no feelings involved. Totally selfish on my part but it was the only thing I had "FOR ME".
Sorry, as with all parts of life it is not black or white......I just don't think someone should judge another when you never know all the angles. And hell, I never judge anyone anyway. I like them or I don't.
Last edited by swanstone1; 06-09-2010 at 01:13 PM..
Cheating is a subject that intrigues me...after being married 28 yrs...I'm pretty sure my husband cheated on me while engaged and early marriage. Back when I was young, skinny and cute. So...that being said...I didn't put the pieces together until 20 or so years later. I literally blocked all VERY APPARANT signs out of my head and made excuses for them.
So I wonder if I had the opportunity, would I feel guilt... or revenge...finally.
And worse yet.......now, after 28 years...he is literally the PERFECT husband.
Nobody walks up to the altar and says their wedding vows with their fingers crossed.
Nobody typically wakes up in the morning and says, "You know what? I'm going to go out and betray my spouse today."
It is the steady, incremental erosion of the love that takes place over years, and the people who wind up cheating are often otherwise decent, upstanding individuals. I say this because there is a tendency to want to say cheaters are "those other people." But, potentially, the cheaters could be you and me. I would never say that anybody deserves to be cheated on (Although in one situation I know, I pretty much understand why he did it), but I've observed that it takes two people to destroy a marriage, not just one.
In the couples I've seen where an affair takes place, you could see the seeds be planted years before. Lack of mutual respect. Lack of true together time. Boring sex lives. One partner's excessive devotion to work and hobbies. The list goes on and on. It is up to both partners to make sure things stay fresh and fun in the marriage--i.e., constantly reminding your partner why he/she married you in the first place.
No, I would never cheat, but I would get out of a marriage that made me miserable. I think you should leave rather than cheat. Also, one poster on here kept talking about men cheating on her. I do think people have a tendency to pick the same type of person over and over again, so you are probably picking cheaters.
So then you admit that in certain situations, it's okay to do something thinking only of yourself with no regard to how it affects your SO?
I guess so... if it's done in revenge then they deserve all this poor treatment.
Give me a good reason why a cheater wouldn't deserve to get cheated back.. esp if they deserve to work it out and forgive them.... Being a doormat isn't forgiving. There is really nothing mature about trying to work it out and going to counseling with them.
I have had countless opportunities to cheat during my 9 year relationship, but no matter how bad things get between us I just couldn't live with myself if I did it. I've always believed that if you want to fk around, break off your relationship first. You can't have both... or at least, you shouldn't!
I agree. I am the same way. When Im with a women I love, I don't want anyone else. I am one of the few males that I know that think this way. I think cheating is very selfish. If I am with someone and it isn't working out, then we talk about our options. It's not that I couldn't live with myself for doing so, it's that I like to think that I play fair. If I want to mess around with different women, then I stay single or let the women konw upfront. Especially in my twenties when I wanted to play the field. I never lied or led any women on. I told them, look Im only looking for fun or a one night stand. You'd be surprised when you are honest with women the responses you get. I've had a lot of one night stands solely by being honest and telling them that nothing more would come about. From my experience, women seem to appreciate the honesty and I can't see how it effected my sex life at all. I've had plenty of one night stands, probably more than average.
A lot of times guys think women are stupid. Not to say that there aren't some, but from my experience women love it when a man is upfront from the start and won't try to lead you on. When I am with someone like I am now, I love that person only. Who has the time to cheat? I believe some peoplle are just very selfish and only think of themselves. I mean for those who cheat, is it really fun putting in all of that time and trying to be sly? I like my free time to do the things I like. Why give that up and always have to be on the sneak and worry about getting caught?
I just never saw the upside. For any of you who are constant cheaters, and I've known many, remember life is like a cycle. What goes around comes around. You fck with peoples emotions and yours will get fcked with too. Some day, when you found the right one and now you've decided to hand up the cheating skates, that's when Mr or Mrs right cheats on you......
Quick story: Parents been together forty years. Once my father cheated on my mother about fifteen years ago. Mother found out. Did she cheat to get revenge? No. And I believe to this day if she had today they would not still be together. They did work things out and people can change. They say their happier today than ever. I can see it when I am around them. You don't always have to cheat back if a victim. I know most automatically think payback, and who knows for some maybe theres no hope anyway. But if you truly still love the person and they do you, then doing it for payback only causes more problems. I am proud of my mother for her decison. She has always believed in god and she goes to church every week faithfully. She has taught me alot about character..
Sorry so long.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 06-11-2010 at 08:52 PM..
I'm sure everyone has their different story about it, but at least with the people I have personally seen that got involved with cheating there was a constant theme.
I call it the "cookie jar syndrome". Like when you were a kid and mommy brought home cookies and put them in a jar and told you could have one a day. However the cookies sit there and what a challenge it would be to sneak into the kitchen and steal one and see if you could get away with it.
As adults cheating when married is kind of a forbidden thing and for a lot of people due to their own decisions they have a "boring" life and other self esteem issues and need that excitement that comes from sneaking around doing something bad and getting away with it. Or if not aiming to get away with it, using it to "punish" a spouse or just create drama. I remember one coworker thrived on the drama of his wife chasing down the other woman and brawling right at the intersection of two 4 lane roads or all the times she came to work and created a scene. He reveled in it.
To me all the times I have seen this go down in front of my eyes, it is tragic and it never ends well. Personally if you need to bang all these other people, just get divorced and go to town.
This is not to say that any of these reasons are valid, but there is a variety in people's feelings on the subject.
This is an interesting discussion. "Cheaters are mean and horrible" is not, it's a given.
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