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Old 04-20-2011, 05:18 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,785 posts, read 4,369,211 times
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Okay, I am 23 years old(and a male by the way) and I have this girl as a friends who is 17 years old who I've known since January of this year(2011). I also met her parents a month later which they say that it's alright for us to remain friends until she(the girl who I'm friends with now) turns 18(which is next month in May) which will be okay for us to be a couple. Anyway, sometimes when I'm with her she is sometimes hypersexual(but not in a crazy way though) and she tries to get me to have sex with her, however most of the time I refrain from doing it with her because not only because of her age but....I want to remain a Virgin until marriage.And I also don't want to treat her like she's worthless by just using her for sex because I do respect her and take her seriously as a person and not treat her like she's nothing. She says that after she turns 18 this May on the 5th that she really wants to do it with me. Now I do want to do it with her but I would like to remain a Virgin until marriage but I think that since I've been putting her off so many times that she will go do it with someone else. I myself want to give her the best experiance and all along with me wanting to experiance sex but it's like that I have to compromise because since we're not married I don't want to lose my virginity before marriage, I don't drink nor smoke and have been that way since birth which I'm thankful for but my virginity is what makes me more rare besides those things.

Last edited by Blackandgold51; 04-20-2011 at 05:29 AM..
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Old 04-20-2011, 05:36 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
11,328 posts, read 10,054,682 times
Reputation: 18922
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
And I also don't want to treat her like she's worthless by just using her for sex because I do respect her and take her seriously as a person and not treat her like she's nothing.
Almost everyone loses their virginity before marriage. It is not a bad thing.

You should rethink your terminology above. Sex itself is not a bad thing, and the person with whom you have sex is not worthless. If you value her, and she values you, then sex is not taking advantage of another person, but rather sharing something romantic and pleasurable with them.

Think about it in those terms. Do you love her? Are you attracted to her? Then why not have sex with her and share your love in a physical way?
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:16 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,076 posts, read 18,674,833 times
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Sex can be a vehicle for experiencing physical pleasure only. In that sense, it is a case of using someone elses' body, and being used by someone as well, for physical gratification. The "using" is normally voluntary by both parties (If not, it's rape), but it's nothing more than that and shouldn't be confused with sex for another purpose. I personally think sex for the sake of sex is immoral and wrong (not to mention fraught with many dangers), but you be the judge of your own behavior.

Sex can also be an expression of love and commitment, which is the Biblical purpose of it. It's meant to be pleasureable for both parties and virtually without restraint within the marriage contract. It is a literal physical union with the heart and body of the person you love. That kind of sex is deeper and more personal than sex for physical pleasure only. If you've never experienced it, you won't know what I'm talking about, but if you have, you will.

Since the OP asked for advice, here's mine: Wait until you're married. You'll be glad you did. To engage in what you might call Heart Sex at this time will only serve to cheapen the relationship, rather than uplift it. If you have qualms about doing it now, before marriage, listen to your heart and follow it. It's trying to tell you that making love to her now would be a mistake and a mistake which you cannot correct later. You only have one virginal experience and when it's gone, it's gone for good.

I lost mine to a German prostitute in a sleeping bag in the woods near a tank range at Grafenwoher, Germany and I cannot tell you how much I now regret that.
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
16,167 posts, read 11,289,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
Anyway, sometimes when I'm with her she is sometimes hypersexual(but not in a crazy way though) and she tries to get me to have sex with her, however most of the time I refrain from doing it with her because not only because of her age but....I want to remain a Virgin until marriage.
Please feel free to give her my address.
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
11,328 posts, read 10,054,682 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stillkit View Post
You only have one virginal experience and when it's gone, it's gone for good.

I lost mine to a German prostitute in a sleeping bag in the woods near a tank range at Grafenwoher, Germany and I cannot tell you how much I now regret that.
By the time she is 18, he will have been dating this woman for 5 months. He has met her family.

This is not at all analogous to a prostitute in the woods, but a person who he seems to care about. They are involved in each others lives. From the way he talks about her, he values her and seems to want to continue the relationship.

Sounds like the ideal virginal experience to me.
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Old 04-20-2011, 04:39 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,785 posts, read 4,369,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fishbrains View Post
Almost everyone loses their virginity before marriage. It is not a bad thing.

You should rethink your terminology above. Sex itself is not a bad thing, and the person with whom you have sex is not worthless. If you value her, and she values you, then sex is not taking advantage of another person, but rather sharing something romantic and pleasurable with them.

Think about it in those terms. Do you love her? Are you attracted to her? Then why not have sex with her and share your love in a physical way?
It's just that I would like to play it safe then be sorry, by getting married first and then have the sex afterwards. And if we ever get a divorce(which I hope not) I would still be somewhat happy that I did not lose it before marriage. If we ever break up I don't want to be that person that say's "no I'm not a virgin" when I am asked by another female when I first meet that wants to start a relationship with me. It's like a classic car that has everything original on(and in) it while in good condition without anything that is changed on that car such as being restored. And what happens when a car like that is sold at an auction? The bid goes up, or way up.
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:39 PM
 
Location: NYPD"s 30th Precinct
2,522 posts, read 4,836,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
It's just that I would like to play it safe then be sorry, by getting married first and then have the sex afterwards. And if we ever get a divorce(which I hope not) I would still be somewhat happy that I did not lose it before marriage. If we ever break up I don't want to be that person that say's "no I'm not a virgin" when I am asked by another female when I first meet that wants to start a relationship with me. It's like a classic car that has everything original on(and in) it while in good condition without anything that is changed on that car such as being restored. And what happens when a car like that is sold at an auction? The bid goes up, or way up.
Getting married before having sex is the exact opposite of playing it safe.

And girls don't often inquire about your number of sexual partners before having sex, or if they do it isn't because they hope it's zero. I mean they don't generally want you to be a manwhore, but it's good to have some experience.

And your car auction analogy is just creepy and makes you sound really awkward. You're not a car, you don't need to be "restored" and nothing on you needs to be changed after having sex.
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Planet Eaarth
8,955 posts, read 18,775,448 times
Reputation: 7193
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
Okay, I am 23 years old(and a male by the way) and I have this girl as a friends who is 17 years old who I've known since January of this year(2011). I also met her parents a month later which they say that it's alright for us to remain friends until she(the girl who I'm friends with now) turns 18(which is next month in May) which will be okay for us to be a couple. Anyway, sometimes when I'm with her she is sometimes hypersexual(but not in a crazy way though) and she tries to get me to have sex with her, however most of the time I refrain from doing it with her because not only because of her age but....I want to remain a Virgin until marriage.And I also don't want to treat her like she's worthless by just using her for sex because I do respect her and take her seriously as a person and not treat her like she's nothing. She says that after she turns 18 this May on the 5th that she really wants to do it with me. Now I do want to do it with her but I would like to remain a Virgin until marriage but I think that since I've been putting her off so many times that she will go do it with someone else. I myself want to give her the best experiance and all along with me wanting to experiance sex but it's like that I have to compromise because since we're not married I don't want to lose my virginity before marriage, I don't drink nor smoke and have been that way since birth which I'm thankful for but my virginity is what makes me more rare besides those things.
You stay on the path you're on mate! It will reward you by not having to worry about all the bad stuff that goes with sleeping around.

When that virgin you married turns into a tiger in the bedroom ,wearing you down to a nubbin with all the sex you can handle, you'll see why there are real benefits to sex without guilt or worry.

Moral fiber is a rare thing these days hang on the yours!!
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 22,474,263 times
Reputation: 22184
I had sex before marriage. I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't sleep around or anything - but I believe in the "test drive" theory about sex before marriage.

HOWEVER - you need to do what you are comfortable with. If you want to wait until marriage and will be unhappy with yourself if you do otherwise - then wait. The "right" person for you will share your beliefs or will at least respect them. I would not be happy waiting until marriage - and I was never with anyone who wanted to. But if I did want to wait - I would found someone that also wanted to wait or who was at least willing to wait for me.
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Old 04-20-2011, 07:05 PM
 
Location: around the way
657 posts, read 986,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
It's just that I would like to play it safe then be sorry, by getting married first and then have the sex afterwards. And if we ever get a divorce(which I hope not) I would still be somewhat happy that I did not lose it before marriage.
Why is saving it until marriage so important to you? You've been with this girl for a while and you care about each other, so it's obviously more than just some random hookup. So then why not enjoy it? What to you would be so terrible about having lost your virginity before marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
If we ever break up I don't want to be that person that say's "no I'm not a virgin" when I am asked by another female when I first meet that wants to start a relationship with me.
Again, why not? What's so terrible or shameful about it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
It's like a classic car that has everything original on(and in) it while in good condition without anything that is changed on that car such as being restored. And what happens when a car like that is sold at an auction? The bid goes up, or way up.
No, it's not. It's nothing like that at all. Our sexuality should be a reflection of how we value ourselves as people, not the metric by which we value ourselves (or how other people should value us, for that matter). Having sex will not make you any more or less valuable as a human being than you are now as a virgin.
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