Polygamy.....Whats So Wrong With It? (spiritual, spirit, about, opinion)

[cncracer]

The only reasons I can see for a man having more than one wife would be to have more children than he could with one, or having multiple sexual partners. The need to add more people to the planet is insane being we are not able to feed the population we have now, and I think the person who needs to ask this question does not have the relationship I have with my one wife. I lived a somewhat open life style for many years prior to marrying my wife. I knew a lot of great people, and seldom slept alone, but also never had the deep, safe, and trusting feeling I have with my wife. Like so many children of the 60’s sex and love was the same thing even into our adult years. I was lucky to find someone who erased that view of love and life.
I understand in several religious groups having several wives is accepted. I think this is acceptance is their desire to increase the pool of potential members. The same is true of groups who limit birth control. They are concerned about their falling membership more than the starving massed.

[Nozzferrahhtoo]

Originally Posted by cncracer

The only reasons I can see for a man having more than one wife would be to have more children than he could with one, or having multiple sexual partners.

If this is the only reasons you can think of then perhaps this is for want of trying. I can think of many more. For example the most obvious one I can think of is that the people in such a relationship simply developed over time the emotions for each other and decided among each other that they want to go through this life together in a full romantic relationship.

Originally Posted by cncracer

I lived a somewhat open life style for many years prior to marrying my wife. I knew a lot of great people, and seldom slept alone, but also never had the deep, safe, and trusting feeling I have with my wife.

Perhaps you did, but I would hasten to point out that polygamy and open life styles are massively different things. One is having multiple sexual partners, often for short periods. The other is a closed relationship like any couple, not open, and is likely to be the same in every other way aside from the small point of how many people are in it.

Nothing about such relationships would, I hasten to point out too, preclude the deep and trusting and safe feelings you describe either.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

I'll get them to you precisely ten minutes after you get me the figures that prove jealousy is often unfounded and not influenced by how many people/things one has to be jealous of

I will answer this two ways. One tounge in cheek and the other more serious.

The TIC answer is that I asked first. So when you answer my request I will answer yours.

The more serious answer is that there is no onus on me to prove a negative. You are the one claiming that jealousy is statistically more common and-or likely in such relationships so it is up to you to evidence that claim with data and citations. If it is just your own opinions based on nothing then so be it - but let us be clear on that.

Until then I have to say I see no reason to think such relationships "more risky" at any kind of base. Any subjective reasons you have suggested that might be a source of such increases are likely counter acted by the kind of things I have listed in return.

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

I don't see what motivates your resistance to one non-threatening point. It doesn't suggest polygamy to be immoral or that it should be illegal. So why the denial?

Because the point appears to be false and unevidenced. Nothing wrong with pointing out false points when one sees them is there? I thought the entire point of a discussion forum was to explore points and decide whether they are valid or not.

[brightdoglover]

I knew a social group of people who were into open marriage/relationships (often meaning they messed around and called that "open," even if their partners' spouses didn't have a clue). My final take on this group was that they were the neediest bunch of people I ever met, and they often had to balance "If he's out with her tonight, then I have to be with someone."
I always said if I was strongly drawn to two men at once, I'd take out a billboard in bright colors. One is hard enough to find.
Just as I wish government didn't have anything to do with marriage, I think poly relationships are just fine between consenting adults. The whole "state contract" thing is not exactly romantic, eh? I think multiple adults should be able to have a contract with the state about marriage, if two people of whatever sex can do that. Not sure why someone would want to, but it's a state contract,and applies to whoever is involved in the signing of it.

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by monumentus

You are the one claiming that jealousy is statistically more common and-or likely in such relationships so it is up to you to evidence that claim with data and citations. If it is just your own opinions based on nothing then so be it - but let us be clear on that.

No, not more common, and not necessarily more likely once all factors are considered. But irrelevant of factors regarding any specific relationship, polygamy itself means more people = which means more people who can cheat (contracting an STD) or hurt you emotionally or get jealous. I'm not commenting on statistics at all. I'm commenting on the simple mathematics of adding more people, which means adding more potential for complication and these specific kinds of hardship.

However it works in practice, I'm not addressing because as you've said (ad nauseum) neither of us can prove which sort of relationship boasts a higher percentage of these problems.

All that's to be said has been said, I guess. I leave you with the last word, unless you have a new argument to discuss.

[monumentus]

Again however simply adding more people does not automatically mean more potential for such things. There are other factors - which I already listed - which not only counter acts such potential increases but may even be enough to reverse the trend. I can certainly say anecdotally for myself that with two girls in my life I have neither the time nor the remaining sexual energy to even consider adultry - let alone engage in it.

However even then I think the argument is moot. It would be akin to saying that having 4 children instead of 1 leaves one more prone to suffering from the greif of losing a child to death. While such a point might be correct if one was pedantic enough to focus entirely on a single technicality - it is barely a point worth making and even then there are factors with having more siblings that likely counter acts the statistical increases in probability of an off spring dying.

So numerically I see our line of discussion so far as being unsupported - likely countered - and even then the point itself is rather moot regardless of it's accuracy.

[robertpolyglot]

Polygamy is degrading. Its about power and control. In ancient times, it was a display of an influential person's power. (Today, the influential person has a mistress, or two, or three). In modern times, it's seemingly about exponential multiplication (read: reproduction) to rapidly expand a religious sect's population base...and its coffers.

[Nozzferrahhtoo]

Either that or it is simply about three or more people who just want to be together.Go figure huh.

[brightdoglover]

The people I've known in group committed relationships did have deeply buried issues of jealousy, but it got worked out with time allotments and sometimes other 'side' relationships. Very urbane, nothing like the image of a patriarch out in the Arizona desert with several "wives", welfare, and abused kids, which I think is the public image of polygamy.
I personally don't see anything *wrong* with polygamy in terms of morals or ethics, which I thought was the original question- not how well it works for people.
I am amused that it almost always seems to mean more women for one man, and not the reverse- perhaps women that have been married don't see a lot of advantage in having more husbands?!
I think if "marriage" is structured as it is in less urbane societies- like my Nigerian co-worker who grew up in a household of his father's sixth wife/family- it's not a big emotional relationship, it's more like marriage always was in the past, everywhere- an arrangement for support, working, contained sex and reproduction. As a system, I suppose that works, and might explain why there aren't many societies that have one woman with many husbands/households- finances, and the obvious difference in child-producing.
I don't see any "wrong," but maybe not workable or not desirable. For instance, if that patriarch in Arizona could legally marry all the women, they couldn't get welfare. Also, it would still be illegal to be marrying/banging girl children, as it should be.

[MysticPhD]

I think wrong is not the proper adjective. To a spiritually enlightened soul the multiple sex partners aspect of it conveys all the dignity and spiritual maturity of a pack of dogs in heat, IMO.