Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The moral of this story is that holding a default position of ‘reject or accept’, when we are ignorant, is not smart because our ego will fight any attempt to modify the opinion with a later judgment. Silence, or questions directed at comprehending the matter under consideration, is the smart decision for everyone’s default position.
but what if we are not "ignorant"? is it then o.k.?
silence is cool (yet very hard) but questions tend to turn into battles.
how to avoid battles please? (i have had some recently on another forum)
Last edited by nicolepsy; 11-24-2007 at 06:58 AM..
Reason: typo
how to avoid battles please? (i have had some recently on another forum)
My strategy is by accepting that you cannot change others if they don't want to be changed. Since I stopped trying others to convince them of my opinion or my point of view I do not clash as much as I used to.
Originally Posted by nicolepsyMy strategy is by accepting that you cannot change others if they don't want to be changed. Since I stopped trying others to convince them of my opinion or my point of view I do not clash as much as I used to.
so we should just make comments and nothing more? seems a bit sterile to me as well as difficult. if someone doesnt agree with my comment (even though my goal is not to change them but only for them to see a different point of view) they can still start battles. how do you know when to remain silent? at what point in the discussion do you realize this (silence) is needed?
so we should just make comments and nothing more? seems a bit sterile to me as well as difficult. if someone doesnt agree with my comment (even though my goal is not to change them but only for them to see a different point of view) they can still start battles. how do you know when to remain silent? at what point in the discussion do you realize this (silence) is needed?
When I discover that I'm wasting my energy because the other person is not even willing to listen to a word I say, continuing the discussion is pointless. This is why listening to what others are saying is as important as talking.
Why keep banging your head against a brick wall? It is I who picks the battles that I want to fight, and not the other way around where a battle picks me.
Originally Posted by nicolepsyWhen I discover that I'm wasting my energy because the other person is not even willing to listen to a word I say, continuing the discussion is pointless. This is why listening to what others are saying is as important as talking.
Why keep banging your head against a brick wall? It is I who picks the battles that I want to fight, and not the other way around where a battle picks me.
hmmm.......... maybe i was thinking that you were originally saying that to battle at all was a waste. boy am i confused on this whole battle thing.
im sorry. im sure i can seem dumb as a doorknob sometimes. i really just want to understand EVERYTHING!
hmmm.......... maybe i was thinking that you were originally saying that to battle at all was a waste. boy am i confused on this whole battle thing.
im sorry. im sure i can seem dumb as a doorknob sometimes. i really just want to understand EVERYTHING!
Let me put it this way: a discussion can only turn into a battle when you want to win. You can only 'win' by convincing others of your arguments. But once you stop wanting to win, you cannot lose either. You can only win when you have something to lose. The moment that you realize that you have nothing to lose, the discussion stops being a battle and it becomes very easy to let go.
BTW there are no stupid questions. When you ask a question you might feel stupid for asking the question, but if you never ask you might feel stupid forever, or until you finally get the answer.
Let me put it this way: a discussion can only turn into a battle when you want to win. You can only 'win' by convincing others of your arguments. But once you stop wanting to win, you cannot lose either. You can only win when you have something to lose. The moment that you realize that you have nothing to lose, the discussion stops being a battle and it becomes very easy to let go.
BTW there are no stupid questions. When you ask a question you might feel stupid for asking the question, but if you never ask you might feel stupid forever, or until you finally get the answer.
chuckle. i just feel like im a major pain in the arse sometimes for needing things to be rephrased. p.s. i was frequently the kid in class that would be the only one brave enough to raise my hand if something the teacher said was obviously unclear. i felt i was helping others as well as myself by admitting that i didnt understand.
trickyd if you were a cult then i'd probably be sucked in because i seem to love the way you think. bow bow
It is also good for my ego that I'm not a cult leader-wannabe. Cauz my ego would explode if he gets too much attention.
mine too! unless it (my ego) already has and i am not aware of it.
i think you should start a thread involving the subject of ego. or a thread called "if you formed a cult, what would you name it?"
There is a big difference between saying, "I think that thus and so happened because......" and implying that the other person is wrong by saying things like....."there is no way that could have happened" or "you don't know what you are talking about."
Often the opposing viewpoint is stated in such a manner that it acts like a red cape to a bull. That's when the debate stops and the fight begins.
Now, as another example of what I mean would be when A person says that they think or believe that something really happened. OK, I am fine with that. But there is the person that never says what they think....they just quote scripture after scripture as being fact. They will not see that many do not feel that the bible as a valid source of factual history.
Nothing that can ever be said will convince some that the bible has flaws in it, nor will anything ever be said that will convince others that the bible is the inspired word of God, that it was tranlated by inspired people, writen and copied by hand by inspired people and without any errors. Nope, it isn't going to happen.
So why bother to try? I am getting tired of doing it myself. Posting here has been interesting. I have learned a lot about how strangely some minds work. I see a lot of fear of the unknown. Fear, that is covered with a layer of "faith" that bad things won't happen if there is enough faith and prayer, or worse, "it's God's will," when it's really the fault of man's own doing.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Since I stopped trying others to convince them of my opinion or my point of view I do not clash as much as I used to.
BTW there are no stupid questions. When you ask a question you might feel stupid for asking the question, but if you never ask you might feel stupid forever, or until you finally get the answer.
Cauz my ego would explode if he gets too much attention.
