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Before Satan and his followers fell, they were all angels, one big happy celestial group. They were on earth to do battle with the Sith Lords who had taken over, and the leader of the Sith, Darth Bubba, seduced Lucifer into going over to the darkside. The remaining loyal angels teamed up with the Jedi Knights to drive Lucifer and Darth Bubba off the earth and the planet was destroyed in the battle.
Fortunately God had purchased the three year warranty agreement and was able to get a replacement earth going.
continued.....
Then God got stiffed by the Universal Insurance Co when they said a year is really a day and his policy had already expired before the battle. The intergalactic lawyers (who were from a reptilian race that looked like serpents) argued it out for millions of years (real years).
Meanwhile God made Adam and Eve and blamed it all on them and made them responsible for the battle damage debt - calling it "Original Singe". God made up some cover story about a tree and forbidden fruit but Adam and Eve didn't know what he was talking about because they were a bit thick. He hadn't given them much of a pre-frontal cortex yet. God then told them to go 4th and multiply but they got confused because there were only two of them. They spent years figuring out what 3rd was before realizing that bumping uglies was 4th base. Cain and Abel were born but then Cain got jealous of the way Abel was going 4th and multiplying with their mom Eve all the time so killed him.
Many years (real years) passed and humans weren't making the correct payment installments of burnt goats and virgins to pay off God's Original Singe debt. Instead they were spending most of their time babelling about a 5th base. They called it "Babel on 5". God got jealous that he hadn't thought of it first and decided to cut his losses and wipe out everything in a big flood. The only people he saved were Noah, his wife Joan of Ark and their kids plus a bunch of animals including a pig called Ham. Ham kept trotting in to Noah's cabin looking for truffles to eat. Noah would get annoyed if this happened when he was naked because Ham thought Noah's wrinkly bits were truffles and would try to eat them. Noah cursed Ham a lot.
By the time the flood water had drained down the sewers to the underworld a year later (initially called Shi*hole, then shortened to Sheol), the Ark had been overrun with rats. When the Ark landed on a mountain top, all the rats jumped off the Ark so they called the mountain Mount Arrh! Rat!
Then God got stiffed by the Universal Insurance Co when they said a year is really a day and his policy had already expired before the battle. The intergalactic lawyers (who were from a reptilian race that looked like serpents) argued it out for millions of years (real years).
Meanwhile God made Adam and Eve and blamed it all on them and made them responsible for the battle damage debt - calling it "Original Singe". God made up some cover story about a tree and forbidden fruit but Adam and Eve didn't know what he was talking about because they were a bit thick. He hadn't given them much of a pre-frontal cortex yet. God then told them to go 4th and multiply but they got confused because there were only two of them. They spent years figuring out what 3rd was before realizing that bumping uglies was 4th base. Cain and Abel were born but then Cain got jealous of the way Abel was going 4th and multiplying with their mom Eve all the time so killed him.
Many years (real years) passed and humans weren't making the correct payment installments of burnt goats and virgins to pay off God's Original Singe debt. Instead they were spending most of their time babelling about a 5th base. They called it "Babel on 5". God got jealous that he hadn't thought of it first and decided to cut his losses and wipe out everything in a big flood. The only people he saved were Noah, his wife Joan of Ark and their kids plus a bunch of animals including a pig called Ham. Ham kept trotting in to Noah's cabin looking for truffles to eat. Noah would get annoyed if this happened when he was naked because Ham thought Noah's wrinkly bits were truffles and would try to eat them. Noah cursed Ham a lot.
By the time the flood water had drained down the sewers to the underworld a year later (initially called Shi*hole, then shortened to Sheol), the Ark had been overrun with rats. When the Ark landed on a mountain top, all the rats jumped off the Ark so they called the mountain Mount Arrh! Rat!
Of course God had flood insurance so....
(Over to someone else...)
+100 if I could. I was in tears reading this. One of the funniest posts in a long time. This thread never had a chance for a serious discussion.
I'm curious did God create the earth twice due to the original earth being destroyed by Satan and fallen angels. Also why would satan and angels need a physical to earth to live on since they're spirit beings.
Then God got stiffed by the Universal Insurance Co when they said a year is really a day and his policy had already expired before the battle. The intergalactic lawyers (who were from a reptilian race that looked like serpents) argued it out for millions of years (real years).
Meanwhile God made Adam and Eve and blamed it all on them and made them responsible for the battle damage debt - calling it "Original Singe". God made up some cover story about a tree and forbidden fruit but Adam and Eve didn't know what he was talking about because they were a bit thick. He hadn't given them much of a pre-frontal cortex yet. God then told them to go 4th and multiply but they got confused because there were only two of them. They spent years figuring out what 3rd was before realizing that bumping uglies was 4th base. Cain and Abel were born but then Cain got jealous of the way Abel was going 4th and multiplying with their mom Eve all the time so killed him.
Many years (real years) passed and humans weren't making the correct payment installments of burnt goats and virgins to pay off God's Original Singe debt. Instead they were spending most of their time babelling about a 5th base. They called it "Babel on 5". God got jealous that he hadn't thought of it first and decided to cut his losses and wipe out everything in a big flood. The only people he saved were Noah, his wife Joan of Ark and their kids plus a bunch of animals including a pig called Ham. Ham kept trotting in to Noah's cabin looking for truffles to eat. Noah would get annoyed if this happened when he was naked because Ham thought Noah's wrinkly bits were truffles and would try to eat them. Noah cursed Ham a lot.
By the time the flood water had drained down the sewers to the underworld a year later (initially called Shi*hole, then shortened to Sheol), the Ark had been overrun with rats. When the Ark landed on a mountain top, all the rats jumped off the Ark so they called the mountain Mount Arrh! Rat!
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