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There's a common theme with religious families these days. And I'm talking about real religious families, ones with devout parents. I've seen at least 20 examples of this.
* Parents have multiple kids with the expectation that they can shelter all their kids in the Christian bubble up through adulthood, make them into devout Christian adults.
* One or more of the kids becomes fed up with, indifferent about, or skeptical of Christianity.
* Kid becomes resentful towards the parents for trying to brainwash them. Sometimes it turns into rebellion or the kid becoming ardently independent because he wants to prove to his parents that he can live a happy, productive life without having as a basis any exclusively Christian beliefs.
* Parents believe they've failed, believe their kid is now on a road to Hell, become depressed, alienated from their kid, etcetera.
It's pretty sad.
I think this is not necessarily a fundamentalist parent thing but more of a strict, "helicopter" parent thing. My guess would be that most fundamentalist families you know happen to enforce rigid rules.
I think this is not necessarily a fundamentalist parent thing but more of a strict, "helicopter" parent thing. My guess would be that most fundamentalist families you know happen to enforce rigid rules.
This I would agree with and if it is observed more with Christian families, that is probably because the rigid rules come from a common source.
My wife and I brought up our 3 kids in a Christian home, none have strayed as adults. I have found over the years dealing with many people, those who are weak, hypocritical Christians are more apt to have adult children who fall away from God. You reap what you sow.
My wife and I brought up our 3 kids in a Christian home, none have strayed as adults. I have found over the years dealing with many people, those who are weak, hypocritical Christians are more apt to have adult children who fall away from God. You reap what you sow.
I saw this attitude alot in Christian circles too. If you win the lottery and all your kids are not a disappointment to your expectations and especially if they all make you proud, you are quick to congratulate yourself on your own brilliance and moral rectitude and to judge other people with different outcomes.
I do not judge people anymore by their children because, Christians or not, I've seen far too many good parents produce demon seed and far too many indifferent to lousy parents produce wonderful children who go way beyond the moral, ethical and social accomplishments of their parents. I'm a nature over nurture kinda guy these days.
Not that parents don't have a huge role (mostly, "do no harm" and "be truly present and loving"), but children have free will, too, more and more as they get older, and parents do not control their children's choices, only influence them. And too many children resist their parent's influence -- even good influence -- because it gets all tangled up in their need to differentiate themselves as their own persons.
There's a common theme with religious families these days.
It's not just 'these days' - it's been happening for decades, perhaps even centuries.
My husband who is a 40-something, 'rebelled' against his families religion. He was not an 'active' rebel, just felt all the stuff being taught and believed was a bunch of non-sense and could not wait to be 18 and get away from it all.
And then there is his sister, who stayed with the religion, yet her kids want nothing to do with it.
Are more of today's kids turning away from religion (well, at least the monotheist religions)? Is that what is going on that gives the impression of this 'theme'?
Possibly so.
I do not judge people anymore by their children because, Christians or not, I've seen far too many good parents produce demon seed and far too many indifferent to lousy parents produce wonderful children who go way beyond the moral, ethical and social accomplishments of their parents. I'm a nature over nurture kinda guy these days.
Not that parents don't have a huge role (mostly, "do no harm" and "be truly present and loving"), but children have free will, too, more and more as they get older, and parents do not control their children's choices, only influence them. And too many children resist their parent's influence -- even good influence -- because it gets all tangled up in their need to differentiate themselves as their own persons.
Right on.
Also, grown kids continue to mature, to grow, etc. If someone had judged me on my kids when they were in their early twenties, I'd have been drawn and quartered on the town square, as the world's worst mom! Now that they are 31, 28, 26, and 24 they're great people - and getting better every day. Very responsible, little or no debt, great parents, building fine careers, etc. (Well, the jury's still out on that 24 year old but he's single and living in Austin - let's give him some room!)
I think the term "rebel" is a bit of a misnomer in this case.
I live in an area plagued by religious fundamentalism so I've known a lot of kids who had to grow up in a fundamentalist household.
Here are a few commonalities:
a) I could spot a female fundamentalist from a mile away. They almost have a uniform - hair in a bun, denim skirts down just past the knees, no make-up, no jewelry except for perhaps a necklace, zero skin showing even though women's tops almost always have a lower neckline than men's. Guys, of course, aren't forced into dress codes like women are. I mean, seriously, what teenage girl goes out to the mall with her hair in a bun?
b) They are forbidden to date and often have VERY strict rules regarding the opposite sex. Some parents go so far as to forbid their children to be with the opposite sex, even in groups, without adult supervision.
c) Televison and internet usage are kept to a minumum - and some parents I knew wouldn't let their kids around a computer unless they were strictly monitored. I don't mean to protect them from online predators, but to also "protect" them from alternative viewpoints. That's even assuming these parents allow a computer or a television in their home. Not all of them did.
d) A lot of going to church. I mean A LOT. Sometimes as much as 4 or 5 days a week.
e) Fundamentalist kids usually can't do what other teens do like go to movies, hang out with friends, talk endlessly on the telephone, have a social life, etc.
f) Books and music, again, highly censored and usually have to revolve around religion.
g) Home schooling ... many are, and that takes them out of mainstream life and destroys one of the biggest commonalities all kids have - school.
Now, I could go on, but I'll stop here just so I can continue with my point. At least anecdotally, I know that a lot of fundamentalist children are NOT little robots completely converted and controlled by their parents. They're teenagers filled with the same rebelliousness, hormones, and curiosity as all teens, and they absolutely HATE the rigid, almost despotic rules their parents have set for them.
You better believe they rebel - and a lot of them came to me when they wanted to stick it to their parents. I was more than happy to show a fundamentalist kid a good time, to show them what they're missing. No, not with booze, drugs, and sex. My goal wasn't to "corrupt" them or turn them to vice, but to simply inform them that, yes, there is a life outside of church and Bible reading.
These kids aren't rebelling against parental authority as much as they are rebelling for the chance to be normal.
In a typical household, a lot of the time teens rebel because they want the freedom to do questionable or even harmful things. Fundamentalist children just want to experience a somewhat normal adolescence. As such, they start out with a "normalcy deficit" and their rebellion involves just trying to break even.
You left out since their church teaches them to have a LOT of children they are now "Poor" and require support from the rest of us.
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