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Old 04-30-2015, 11:53 AM
 
285 posts, read 426,824 times
Reputation: 292

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everyday i wake up with knots in my stomach and trouble breathing. my life continues to go into a downward spiral. in the past, i had my dependence on God. my family life has been dysfunctional then my social life became sordid since high school. my issue is this, my mother and one of my older half-sister that i grew up with were religious. however they were abusive to me (not only to me tho but anyway). i couldnt find solace in our place of worship either.

the people of this religious congregation that we switch to when i was in middle school were cold and nasty to me. it was a new congregation but the same religion i grew up with. i began saying to myself well God obviously doesnt want me apart of his organization. their religion is under the umbrella of Christianity but it is an organization that is slightly different from main stream Christianity.

eventually my flawed logic and feelings began to go into dark places. i started to think things about God that were not true. i started to think maybe im worshiping the wrong God and someone else, and other awful things. things that led me to commit the unforgivable sin. the unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” in Matthew 12:31-32

i approached my mother with my concerns. she just replied oh well even the sun shines on sinners. ive had a stressful life that seems to get only worse no matter how i try to make improvements. its make me angry and depressed how my life has been so unpleasant and how i will only go on to suffer even more after i die. no matter how hard i try to live my life according to God he will never forgive me and i suffer the consequences by being destroyed or eternal hell fire.

i remember my mother cursing me out because i wasnt addressing her or look for her to say hello after i came home from school i just go to my room. after cursing me out. i began to laugh out of nervousness and she told me that she wouldnt care if i burned in hell. even tho her religion doesnt subscribe to the traditional view of people burning in hell, i felt like she had evil intentions for me beyond this life at that moment which eventually has come to be true i will suffer after this life

my dad said he wasnt stupid enough to believe all people of my mothers religion or God was bad due his few experiences with the organization. he is not apart of my mother religion even tho they are married. i wasnt smart or spiritual strong to withstand what i was going through. i still live at home, ive had trouble gaining stable employment even after obtaining a decent degree. i carry huge resentment toward my mom and sister for my unforgivable sin ive made even tho it is my fault . my dad said he hope i get a decent job soon so i can move out, distant myself away from them and the other family chaos then he might be leaving too.

i only get along with my half brothers . i dont get along with my sister from my dad side of the family nor my sisters from my moms that i grew up with. my sisters current issue with me is that im not active enough in their kids lives, my irritation with my mother because she gets on my nerve, my unsuccessful life and my distance from the family

ive been pegged as a wierdo and retarded but ppl seem to dislike me even without knowing me or speaking to me. i seem to attract unwarranted attention but im just a regular person. i know that ive made mistakes in life and im not a perfect person. i dont know how to cope with my life anymore. i just take sleeping pills all day. everyone say im a different person than when i was young. im unusually quiet around people i just i dont have anything to say or contribute and all of my creativity is gone. sometimes i can be goofy or say airheadish things but it seems like ppl have a short tolerance for me compared to other people. ppl go from 0-100 quickly with me even from simple ;comments or questions i make. i could say its sunny today and get a person angry.

for the past year ive developed an extreme case of anxiety of driving on the freeway. i dont how and why this has developed. it has caused a hamper in everything. im just frustrated at stupid things happening to me.

my bad life experiences with people replay constantly inside my mind i cant focus on anything.my therapist who likes me suggested that i must give off bad vibes of some sort. my mom say she is sick of seeing me look depressed all the time and i need to smile to make her happy. i try to always smile around others but it doesnt always work.

i cant get out of this circle of mess ive created. atleast when ppl committed to suicide or die natually they have hope of finding peace. even if i get my life together there will always be this lingering sad feeling inside me due to my lack of relationship with God and his forgiveness
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Old 04-30-2015, 11:58 AM
 
Location: S. Wales.
50,087 posts, read 20,691,451 times
Reputation: 5928
So, what's the sin?
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Old 04-30-2015, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
31,373 posts, read 20,168,052 times
Reputation: 14069
OP, you have not committed an unforgivable sin, especially one as silly as blaspheming against an invented construct.

The unforgivable sin is raising a child to believe that everything biblical is true. There's a lot of nonsense between the covers of that book.
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Old 04-30-2015, 12:27 PM
 
285 posts, read 426,824 times
Reputation: 292
Quote:
Originally Posted by AREQUIPA View Post
So, what's the sin?
im scared to say it exactly, i thought jehovah god or god was actually someone else that is bad

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
eventually my flawed logic and feelings began to go into dark places. i started to think things about God that were not true. i started to think maybe im worshiping the wrong God and someone else, and other awful things. things that led me to commit the unforgivable sin. the unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” in Matthew 12:31-32
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Old 04-30-2015, 01:05 PM
 
Location: S. Wales.
50,087 posts, read 20,691,451 times
Reputation: 5928
I am very chary of tinkering in things I am not qualified to, but it may help if I suggest that strict Bible -literalism is not widely upheld these days. so you have some slack is supposing some of the more hard to swallow (or stomach if you do swallow them) tales should not be taken too literally. let's face it, Job is considered more a parable than a piece of history.

So, if you have a Biblegod who is a right nasty piece of work - and you do, no doubt about that - then the conclusion has to be that the loving, Just and perfectly good god that exists cannot match in all details the one described in the Bible.

I'd sugest that it is no sin to say 'The God I believe in is a just and loving God and anything in a book written undoubtedly by men, that depicts a god that is not just and loving had to be the writers confusing what had popped into their heads with what god had inspired them with.'

It is no sin to refuse to believe that a good god is actually good, rather than redefine 'Good' to be whatever the god of the bible does even if it isn't good. A god who doesn't treat his own morality with respect cannot be just or moral.

So it follows that the bible stories are in some case just stories.

It is not, I would suggest, blaspheming the Holy Spirit or any other divine aspect to say 'God is Good. Therefore a story showing him as bad, cannot be relied on.'

Love God, not the Bible instead of God. I do hope that helps.
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Old 04-30-2015, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Mount Pleasant, SC
130 posts, read 160,276 times
Reputation: 387
This is interesting. I thought the unforgivable sin was suicide. OP, I don't believe in sin, but this older thread is also about someone concerned they have committed it: Committing an Unforgiveable Sin, Blaspheme of the Holy Spirit. It appears you can, in fact, repent and be forgiven. You may also want to check out cognitive behavioral therapy and/or meds to help you manage your anxiety. That can help address what are probably some behavioral ticks that are giving strangers a creepy vibe about you. Definitely get out of your mother's home and into a more supportive environment. Many hugs.
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Old 04-30-2015, 01:35 PM
 
17,966 posts, read 15,959,911 times
Reputation: 1010
Quote:
Originally Posted by readytofly View Post
everyday i wake up with knots in my stomach and trouble breathing. my life continues to go into a downward spiral. in the past, i had my dependence on God. my family life has been dysfunctional then my social life became sordid since high school. my issue is this, my mother and one of my older half-sister that i grew up with were religious. however they were abusive to me (not only to me tho but anyway). i couldnt find solace in our place of worship either.

the people of this religious congregation that we switch to when i was in middle school were cold and nasty to me. it was a new congregation but the same religion i grew up with. i began saying to myself well God obviously doesnt want me apart of his organization. their religion is under the umbrella of Christianity but it is an organization that is slightly different from main stream Christianity.

eventually my flawed logic and feelings began to go into dark places. i started to think things about God that were not true. i started to think maybe im worshiping the wrong God and someone else, and other awful things. things that led me to commit the unforgivable sin. the unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” in Matthew 12:31-32

i approached my mother with my concerns. she just replied oh well even the sun shines on sinners. ive had a stressful life that seems to get only worse no matter how i try to make improvements. its make me angry and depressed how my life has been so unpleasant and how i will only go on to suffer even more after i die. no matter how hard i try to live my life according to God he will never forgive me and i suffer the consequences by being destroyed or eternal hell fire.

i remember my mother cursing me out because i wasnt addressing her or look for her to say hello after i came home from school i just go to my room. after cursing me out. i began to laugh out of nervousness and she told me that she wouldnt care if i burned in hell. even tho her religion doesnt subscribe to the traditional view of people burning in hell, i felt like she had evil intentions for me beyond this life at that moment which eventually has come to be true i will suffer after this life

my dad said he wasnt stupid enough to believe all people of my mothers religion or God was bad due his few experiences with the organization. he is not apart of my mother religion even tho they are married. i wasnt smart or spiritual strong to withstand what i was going through. i still live at home, ive had trouble gaining stable employment even after obtaining a decent degree. i carry huge resentment toward my mom and sister for my unforgivable sin ive made even tho it is my fault . my dad said he hope i get a decent job soon so i can move out, distant myself away from them and the other family chaos then he might be leaving too.

i only get along with my half brothers . i dont get along with my sister from my dad side of the family nor my sisters from my moms that i grew up with. my sisters current issue with me is that im not active enough in their kids lives, my irritation with my mother because she gets on my nerve, my unsuccessful life and my distance from the family

ive been pegged as a wierdo and retarded but ppl seem to dislike me even without knowing me or speaking to me. i seem to attract unwarranted attention but im just a regular person. i know that ive made mistakes in life and im not a perfect person. i dont know how to cope with my life anymore. i just take sleeping pills all day. everyone say im a different person than when i was young. im unusually quiet around people i just i dont have anything to say or contribute and all of my creativity is gone. sometimes i can be goofy or say airheadish things but it seems like ppl have a short tolerance for me compared to other people. ppl go from 0-100 quickly with me even from simple ;comments or questions i make. i could say its sunny today and get a person angry.

for the past year ive developed an extreme case of anxiety of driving on the freeway. i dont how and why this has developed. it has caused a hamper in everything. im just frustrated at stupid things happening to me.

my bad life experiences with people replay constantly inside my mind i cant focus on anything.my therapist who likes me suggested that i must give off bad vibes of some sort. my mom say she is sick of seeing me look depressed all the time and i need to smile to make her happy. i try to always smile around others but it doesnt always work.

i cant get out of this circle of mess ive created. atleast when ppl committed to suicide or die natually they have hope of finding peace. even if i get my life together there will always be this lingering sad feeling inside me due to my lack of relationship with God and his forgiveness
Blasphemy of the holy spirit is to attribute the miracles of Jesus to Satan. That is what Jesus said it was.

And even if you could commit it, it is not the end of the world. Jesus said it will not be pardoned in this eon (this eon in which we are now living) nor will it be forgiven in the eon to come (which is the millennial reign of Christ). Then there is the new earth after that.
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Old 04-30-2015, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Under the Redwoods
3,751 posts, read 7,668,835 times
Reputation: 6116
I live my life without the pressures of religion....life is nice.
Perhaps you shod lighten your load and just not even concern yourself with it.

It sounds to me that you are mostly preoccupied with trying to live by the standards of your mother, whom you have resentment towards....what a waste of time and energy really. Nothing you do will be approved of by her. Forget about it, live YOUR life.

Everything outside of that stems from this core problem. Eliminate the burden and all else will wane away.
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Old 04-30-2015, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
10,688 posts, read 7,708,541 times
Reputation: 4674
Quote:
Originally Posted by readytofly View Post
im scared to say it exactly, i thought jehovah god or god was actually someone else that is bad

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
eventually my flawed logic and feelings began to go into dark places. i started to think things about God that were not true. i started to think maybe im worshiping the wrong God and someone else, and other awful things. things that led me to commit the unforgivable sin. the unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” in Matthew 12:31-32
If you have a conscience about it, you haven't committed it whatever it is (scripture is in no way clear about that and there are a dozen or more ideas scholars have tried to postulate). But if God has given you over to a reprobate mind then you would be without conscience.

More likely, some religious knuckleheads have arrogantly tried to make you feel guilty about being who we all are--- flawed human beings.

Most likely on judgment day we are everyone of us going to figure out that conceptually we got God wrong.

In the meantime, sum up all your faith regardless of any religion with the two great commandments---- Love God with all your heart and mind and strength. And the way you keep that first one is by keeping the second---Love your neighbor as yourself.

It sure takes a lot of the junk out of your head that religions and "religious" people try to put there.
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Old 04-30-2015, 03:42 PM
 
6,961 posts, read 4,612,415 times
Reputation: 2485
Your therapist said you have bad vibes? It is an unusual way to approach a therapeutic session.

Those terrible things no longer control you, but they cause you such distress.. The more you ruminate about them, the more you allow them to effect your daily living. Are you taking meds?

Therapy is very hard work. You, and a good therapist can work through your experiences, so you can move forward. Once you learn some skills, it becomes much easier to deal with these memories.
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