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To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure about my own views on this topic. For me it would be a difficult decision, probably more difficult than most people in America expect it to be for themselves or for others. It's not that I'm a closed-minded person or anything like that, I'm not. However, I've dated two guys before, neither of whom were of my own faith and that...wasn't really an issue when I was 15, 16 yrs old, when I was still figuring out what I believed in, my own beliefs were not by any means fully formed at that time. But now, now that my beliefs and attitudes about religion, morality, and things like that are more solidified and especially as I'm at a point where I have to look at the men I choose to date as possible husbands. I'm realizing that I need someone who is going to share my beliefs and worldview and who will support me in that.
Of course whether or not a person struggles with this is going to depend on just how important their religious beliefs are to the way they live their lives.
So I'm interested in other thoughts on this?
Yeah, that's what I thought, too. It was essential to me that I marry someone within my religion, and I did. 25 years later, hubby is still a believer, while I no longer subscribe to that religion or any other. We're still happily married and raising our kids together.
People change. The best laid plans get derailed. But you can still make it work.
Yeah, that's what I thought, too. It was essential to me that I marry someone within my religion, and I did. 25 years later, hubby is still a believer, while I no longer subscribe to that religion or any other. We're still happily married and raising our kids together.
People change. The best laid plans get derailed. But you can still make it work.
Opposite of you; 25 years in and wife still has religion and I don't. We are still married and raising kids. Happily? Not so much.
In my dark-years, when I was single (being single is not why they are the dark-years) and dating, I dated only fellow fundie women. I HATED IT! All they wanted was to be waited on and provided for. I was longing for the day when they would or might make their own decision and so some independence. (though I went to some great drive-in movies--not that I can tell you what the movie was about).
Opposite of you; 25 years in and wife still has religion and I don't. We are still married and raising kids. Happily? Not so much.
Do NOT take this as a criticism, Carved. Try to see it as a possible insight as to where the problem actually might lie. A lack of happiness is usually because one or both parties are totally focused on what THEY want and need to the exclusion of what their partner wants and needs. Just saying.
Do NOT take this as a criticism, Carved. Try to see it as a possible insight as to where the problem actually might lie. A lack of happiness is usually because one or both parties are totally focused on what THEY want and need to the exclusion of what their partner wants and needs. Just saying.
I have been told directly in very specific terms that this issue is the problem. Is it an excuse? I can't say for sure. It is the reason I am given.
I have been told directly in very specific terms that this issue is the problem. Is it an excuse? I can't say for sure. It is the reason I am given.
Depends on how the two of you are approaching each other about the issue, I would think, and what motivation is behind how you each communicate. It's the underlying emotions tied up in one's beliefs that can cause the problem, more so than the beliefs themselves, aisi.
Yes. I've known couples who were of different beliefs. They've had successful, happy marriages and raised great families. Their love for each other is greater than the artificial barriers we construct because of religion.
Many years ago I met this young woman who I found to be very beautiful and very interesting, we were both from different ethnic backgrounds, her being of Pennsylvania Dutch and German ancestry and myself of Native American and Irish. She was sort of a halfway believing Christian, she didn't much go to church and I didn't have any belief in Christianity to begin with, I was raised according to the ancient customs of my people. 40 years later we're still married and have three children and four grandchildren. Religion has never been a subject of discussion between us, she knows my cultural beliefs and spirituality and accepts them and I accept whatever belief she may have and the same holds true with our children and grandchildren. So it seems to work between us, we have learned tolerance and acceptance without being judgmental.
Depends on how the two of you are approaching each other about the issue, I would think, and what motivation is behind how you each communicate. It's the underlying emotions tied up in one's beliefs that can cause the problem, more so than the beliefs themselves, aisi.
I will say that I once believed it was likely that our relationship would survive this. She wanted time to reconcile her own feelings. But as days became months and then years without the wall coming down, I now feel like we are just waiting for the kids to finish school, living apart in the same house.
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Yeah, that's what I thought, too. It was essential to me that I marry someone within my religion, and I did. 25 years later, hubby is still a believer, while I no longer subscribe to that religion or any other. We're still happily married and raising our kids together.
