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I will say that I once believed it was likely that our relationship would survive this. She wanted time to reconcile her own feelings. But as days became months and then years without the wall coming down, I now feel like we are just waiting for the kids to finish school, living apart in the same house.
Again, I'm sorry to hear that, Carved. That's gotta be a rough way to live.
She said she wanted time to reconcile her own feelings? I take it she's still in that process? Has she ever discussed those feelings? Have you asked her to (in a non-"threatening" way)? Has she asked you about your feelings on the matter?
You don't have to answer here. I just know, from my experience, how necessary it was for each of us to get to the point where we both felt we had been heard by the other, not about our beliefs, but about our feelings and concerns about the fact that we now have very different beliefs.
As the child of an interfaith couple, absolutely. Like my parents, I would make sure that my future spouse is comfortable raising children Jewish. The non-Jews I have dated (which have included Christians, atheists, agnostics, and a Muslim) reflect the Jewish cultural values that I prize and it's my gentile dad who is most enthusiastic about dating Jewish men.
I suspect I would not be able to pursue a relationship with someone who felt strongly about their religion and certainly not someone who wanted to raise their child in a faith that is not my own, but I have no problem compromising about the holidays or educating my children on their father's religious background. We should all take every opportunity to celebrate life.
My parents have been married for 35 years and together for almost 45. There was a lot of strife in their communities when they got married because of the religious difference. My mom's father didn't even attend the wedding because my dad wasn't Jewish, even though he himself married a non-Jewish woman that he had cheated on my grandmother with for years several years after my parents were married. Some members of my dad's family still refuse to acknowledge that my brother and I are Jewish, even though they themselves aren't religious in the least. It came to a head with their choice of a minister for my paternal grandmother's funeral who took the opportunity to preach about hell. People get really tribalistic about such things, but I would hope than in 2015 that most of us are beyond that. My religious community is very welcoming to interfaith families and even if I was to marry within the faith, that's the only type of community I would be interested in.
I for one am leaning towards no. I know I'd never marry completely outside the bounds of Christianity... I will not compromise on a sacramental wedding and the church will not allow it unless both parties are Trinitarian, bible-believing Christians.
That bit obviously means that I can't marry a Mormon, who would have similar issues the other way around since he'd no-doubt want to be sealed in the temple and since that's not-permitted with an interfaith couple I could never oblige the request.
And not all, but many protestant denominations are openly hostile to the Orthodox which likely would cause additional problems... so I guess if I did he'd have to be either Catholic or one of the more tolerant and traditional protestant branches like Lutheran or Anglican
Yes, I have asked her but no, she has never asked me.
Hubby didn't ask me either but I realized I could nurse resentment about it (which I sort of did for a while) or I could take responsibility to express what I felt I needed to say, rather than waiting for him to read my mind about it . I worked hard at making sure that he knew I was really listening to him in the process, too.
To me, a marriage relationship is probably the best opportunity for growth, because spouses have the potential to sort of unknowingly push our buttons and uncover some of our deepest insecurities and fears. As I see it, I can either honestly face up to the stuff hubby triggers in me (no matter how ugly it seems at the time) and learn and grow from that, or I can try to avoid it all and end up potentially carrying it into a different relationship and likely have those same buttons pushed in a different way by someone else.
Of course, hubby and I also have the ability to bring out the best in each other, we feel safe with each other, and we make a good team, so we've got a good foundation that helps us weather the "growth" times , and our marriage is worth fighting for to both of us. A difference in beliefs doesn't change any of that.
Heh, it's amazing how religion even manages to screw up romantic relationships.
I voted yes. Why? Well ... just because someone may be religious and I'm not doesn't mean we can't love each other. I think it's stupid in the extreme to let your soulmate slip through your fingers because he/she believes differently than you do. What a waste, such a shame.
Now, why would a militant atheist like me say yes, I would date/marry someone of a different faith? Well, for one thing, I'm betting I can slowly turn him to the dark side (muahaha!).
Leaving that aside for the moment, could I date/marry a fundamentalist? No. That's off the table. Nor could I date/marry someone who is constantly talking about God, who praises God for every little thing that goes his way ("Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, God, for keeping my coffee warm while I answered the phone!") and I certainly couldn't marry/date someone who was constantly pressuring me to convert. Nope. That's off the table too.
But I just don't see why those of differing faiths cannot have a successful relationship. It isn't religion's fault if it fails. It's YOURS. Because you were just too pigheaded about your superstitions to let someone "different" get into your inner circle.
Heh, it's amazing how religion even manages to screw up romantic relationships.
I voted yes. Why? Well ... just because someone may be religious and I'm not doesn't mean we can't love each other. I think it's stupid in the extreme to let your soulmate slip through your fingers because he/she believes differently than you do. What a waste, such a shame.
Now, why would a militant atheist like me say yes, I would date/marry someone of a different faith? Well, for one thing, I'm betting I can slowly turn him to the dark side (muahaha!).
Leaving that aside for the moment, could I date/marry a fundamentalist? No. That's off the table. Nor could I date/marry someone who is constantly talking about God, who praises God for every little thing that goes his way ("Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, God, for keeping my coffee warm while I answered the phone!") and I certainly couldn't marry/date someone who was constantly pressuring me to convert. Nope. That's off the table too.
But I just don't see why those of differing faiths cannot have a successful relationship. It isn't religion's fault if it fails. It's YOURS. Because you were just too pigheaded about your superstitions to let someone "different" get into your inner circle.
That's pretty balanced, and would be my position if I were unattached. No nutjobs need apply, but metaphysics is only one of a zillion issues that have to be worked out in a healthy and respectful way in any relationship -- and which could contribute to either strife or to making things interesting (in a good way), depending on a host of factors.
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, and our marriage is worth fighting for to both of us. A difference in beliefs doesn't change any of that.
