I'm an atheist but my first child will be baptized and I don't want to be disrespectful of the church (bible, faith)
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I don't know about Catholic baptism, but I know that if parents are having their child baptized in a Methodist church, they have to say something about promising to bring the child up in the Christian faith, and be a good Christian example, etc. I think there was something about attending church regularly too.
I personally would feel like a total fraud if I made those kinds of promises. I'm not ok with lies and deception, but you may consider it "a little white lie" that will help you keep the peace with the family.
It's not just a religious ceremony, it's also a cultural rite of passage and probably one reason your wife wants to go through with the ceremony. It sounds like she's also hedging her bets and doing what's expected of her by the extended family.
Of course you'll have to state you're going to raise the child as a Christian. You'll also have to renew your baptismal vows along with the congregation. If you attend the ceremony, you'll have the choice of standing there silently or saying the words expected of you. Either way you're a hypocrite, it's just the degree of hypocrisy.
Attending the baptism of a relative as a non believer and standing silent during the parts the congregation says is not being a hypocrite if your goal is to respect the wishes of the family who wants you there for the baptism of their loved one. If the family welcomes you, to share in their joy, believer or not, it's the attendee's choice whether or not to say the words.
When it's your own child and the priest asks the parents a direct question, that's a different situation. This is particularly true if you've attended a class and the church makes it clear what's expected of you as a parent. That said, churches look the other way all the time because they know people who slip away from the church as teenagers and young adults come running back as new parents to have their kids baptized. They know they'll hook some of the occasional churchgoers back into attending.
Compromise with your wife. Agree to the baptism, but just make up some random ceremony and throw some water on your kid after saying some nonsensical words. It will have every bit as much legitimacy as a Catholic baptism.
It's not just a religious ceremony, it's also a cultural rite of passage and probably one reason your wife wants to go through with the ceremony. It sounds like she's also hedging her bets and doing what's expected of her by the extended family.
Of course you'll have to state you're going to raise the child as a Christian. You'll also have to renew your baptismal vows along with the congregation. If you attend the ceremony, you'll have the choice of standing there silently or saying the words expected of you. Either way you're a hypocrite, it's just the degree of hypocrisy.
Attending the baptism of a relative as a non believer and standing silent during the parts the congregation says is not being a hypocrite if your goal is to respect the wishes of the family who wants you there for the baptism of their loved one. If the family welcomes you, to share in their joy, believer or not, it's the attendee's choice whether or not to say the words.
When it's your own child and the priest asks the parents a direct question, that's a different situation. This is particularly true if you've attended a class and the church makes it clear what's expected of you as a parent. That said, churches look the other way all the time because they know people who slip away from the church as teenagers and young adults come running back as new parents to have their kids baptized. They know they'll hook some of the occasional churchgoers back into attending.
I'm replying to my own post to clarify my thoughts about hypocrisy. We all do it and you need to make a deliberate choice about the level of it by thinking it through beforehand. It's trickier when making a public promise....
So my first child is going to be baptized Catholic. I was baptized but never confirmed, which was my choice. I've given up the whole "stand for my principles" angle and decided to let my kid be baptized in case they would like to pursue their faith when they are older. I think there is some pressure from the grandmother and mother in law, but this is really my wife's idea. She's not a regular churchgoer (maybe once a year, if that) but she really wants to have our child baptized.
So here's my question: how can I participate while still being respectful of the church and the pastor? Just because I don't share their beliefs doesn't mean I want to make a mockery of the process. I've recently learned that there is a short baptism class that is part of the requirement as well. I'm expecting to have to lie my face off professing my "faith" just to get through it and I feel that is pretty disrespectful to the church and the staff. Any advice?
PS I know things get a bit hostile in this subforum every once in a while. I'm really trying to be respectful of everyone's beliefs.
If you don't believe in it why take part, or are you scared of the Church?
The water and the blessing do no harm, but.... when you baptize a child in the Catholic faith, you promise to bring them up in the faith and you chose godparents who will be supportive of this and also who are supposed to try to help the child grow in the Catholic faith.
Lying about this does do harm, imo, and you cannot be respectful of the others involved without making this promise.
No worries, I prefer being direct to tapdancing around what you want to say.
Me going along with it is totally her idea actually.
They are pretty laid back about the whole thing. It seems there's only mild pressure. They are fully aware of our church habits.
It's not really them I'm worried about. It's more the pastor and parishioners. The pastor especially, who devotes his life to his faith only to have yahoos like me come around with disingenuous participation.
As a pastor, I fully respect your attitude. It does get tiring to see folks only show up at church when it's time for something like that. We don't baptize babies in our church, but we do "dedicate them". It's where a parent stands and promises to raise them as a Christian, and the pastor says a prayer for baby, then they go and have a party at lunch. I have participated in a couple of dedications and then never seen the parents again. At this point, I do feel used by the parents. They have demonstrated their faith is not important to them, and they will not fulfill the promises they made regarding raising little Johnny.
Having said that--if the priest is allowing your wife, who only attends once a year, to get a kid baptized, I'm guessing he really isn't going to care what you're doing. He has to realize that she is not a devout Catholic. If anything, I'd suggest you approach him and be very honest and open. He'll likely appreciate your honesty.
I'm sure the church or priest makes a few bucks on this ritual. Money is always at the root. My god parents have been dead for eons, and I'm a godmother to a couple and we've all lost total contact. People move on and move with their lives.
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