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The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
No, no. You have the italicized portion all wrong. The Episcopalians would subcontract the job out to someone else. We'd then have a capital campaign to raise the money.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
Well, thread is till around.. Ok, I just posted on hell question, what reminded me of old USSR joke about hell.
2 souls meet in afterlife, American and ex USSR person (just to avoid being blamed of being.....)
They both are sentenced to punishment in hell.
American looks quite battered, USSR guy is well and healthy.
They start chatting about their sins and American says - Brother, you should transfer to our hell. We have everything top notch. Best in the afterlife German tungsten caldrons, filled with only natural boiling tar. Devils use computer controlled burners, skillets are all Teflon coated solid non stick (and so on and so on).
USSR guy looks at him with disbelief and says - Naahh, I'll pass. How come, surprises American? Surely, our hell is more advanced, than yours.
Right, says USSR soul. We do have just basic beat up pots and they are heated by firewood but... devils start drinking Friday afternoon and don't really stop till Sunday late night.. so they all show very late to work or call in sick,. Monday. By Tuesday, it all is supposed to get going but, tar supply broke down and they can't find plumber to get it fixed.. by Wednesday, they get plumbing fixed but then they realize that someone stole all firewood and apparently sold it for some moonshine.. Thursday they finally pull together firewood and tar, but then they have motivational meeting day long.. they finally start setting firewood on fire Friday morning but, by the time it all gets anywhere functional, it's Friday afternoon already... basically, we sit week long play cards and dominos, watching all that mess...
Whereas the local atheist population heard about the squirrel infestation in all the local churches, but wouldn't believe it until they'd seen the evidence.
Whereas the local atheist population heard about the squirrel infestation in all the local churches, but wouldn't believe it until they'd seen the evidence.
Whereas the local atheist population heard about the squirrel infestation in all the local churches, but wouldn't believe it until they'd seen the evidence.
(Sorry, best I could do)
Actually, that was perfect. I'm trying to figure out what the Mormons did, but I'm not coming up with anything so far.
They got out their microscopes and tried to observe where the squirrels were getting in....
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