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I feel like Jesus tells me to adopt when I sit in silence and communicate with him. Both of my pregnancies were humbling C Sections which might be another message from God as well.
Plus there are so many people in need of adoption in this world and my family has so much love to give. Life is the most important thing to support.
I don't know if now would be a good time with basically a half year old and a one and a half year old...plus my husband is very frugal, but we are doing great financially...so he could ease up some on his investment for early retirement.
My sister and brother-in-law just recently adopted 3 year old twin boys. My sister has no biological children and my brother in law had three grown children from his previous marriage.
They spent quite a bit of time fostering for many kids. I think they felt that was where they were needed. Since you posted this in Religion and Spirituality, I will mention they are VERY involved with their church.
It's just an idea to maybe make the adoption transition easier...or maybe not! LOL
I'm a big believer in adoption in principle, although there can be a lot of hoops to jump through compared to having your own.
Adopted or not, having more than 2 children in this economic climate requires quite a bit of ... well, faith. Not so much in god as in humanity and its prospects and the cost per child vs your income. I effectively have an unplanned child to care for due to my adult stepson's autism and OCD, and I am working extra years to try to cover the cost. I will probably never actually retire.
And so there is another consideration independent of adoption questions -- you do not know for sure what the child's needs or you or your husband's will be over the long haul.
The era when you could just have a bunch of kids and find a way somehow is, I think, over and done with, for multiple economic and social reasons. So definitely think carefully about it, and make sure your husband is 110% on board.
When I had three toddlers under the age of 4, I wanted to adopt.
I had a series of long honest talks with my then husband over a two-year period. because i was serious about this and did not take it lightly. and I did not want to let it go. Where we were living at the time, the newspaper ran a regular feature about children up for adoption, with their photo, background, age, and interests. There was a little boy i became very "attached to" in reading about him.
Well in these discussions with my husband, he flat out said in all honesty that he would not feel the same about adopted children as he would about our biological children. And he said that would not be fair to the kids. He vetoed it and said no. In retrospect it was a wise decision. About a year later we got divorced. It is not your decision alone. Both parents need to be on board with it.
How does your husband feel about it?
and how do you feel about it, if he says "no"
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 12-20-2022 at 05:38 PM..
When I had three toddlers under the age of 4, I wanted to adopt.
I had a series of long honest talks with my then husband over a two-year period. because i was serious about this and did not take it lightly. and I did not want to let it go. Where we were living at the time, the newspaper ran a regular feature about children up for adoption, with their photo, background, age, and interests. There was a little boy i became very "attached to" in reading about him.
Well in these discussions with my husband, he flat out said in all honesty that he would not feel the same about adopted children as he would about our biological children. And he said that would not be fair to the kids. He vetoed it and said no. In retrospect it was a wise decision. About a year later we got divorced. It is not your decision alone. Both parents need to be on board with it.
How does your husband feel about it?
and how do you feel about it, if he says "no"
Tzaph is very wise and has given you good advice. The bold is the most important factor to consider, QuakerBaker. NOT your obviously generous and tender heart. The world will not be any less enriched by devoting your generous love to your current children and your other charitable activities.
I feel like Jesus tells me to adopt when I sit in silence and communicate with him. Both of my pregnancies were humbling C Sections which might be another message from God as well.
Plus there are so many people in need of adoption in this world and my family has so much love to give. Life is the most important thing to support.
I don't know if now would be a good time with basically a half year old and a one and a half year old...plus my husband is very frugal, but we are doing great financially...so he could ease up some on his investment for early retirement.
IMO, the cause of C-section in many, many cases is not complications - but it’s more about billing the insurance for bigger bucks.
Almost every pregnant woman is encouraged/suggested/advised and in some cases borderline scared to opt for a C-section. It’s all about money.
They will find the smallest and sometimes made up possibilities of some god forsaken risk to justify a C-section.
I bet if the billing of a c-section is decreased to a point where it pays less than a natural birth at a hospital - the yearly number of c-sections will drastically reduced.
So no, it’s not Jesus or a sign - it’s moolah.
And if your husband is not 100% with you on the adoption scene then I wouldn’t go for it.
And with two small ones? I wouldn’t go for it to begin with myself.
It will be unfair to the adopted.
And this not to offend you or being disrespectful to you but IMPO, this practice of talking and directly communicating to Jesus or God, is perhaps some sorta psychological disorder.
God does NOT directly talk to humans as per their time n schedule.
God has already communicated with the entire humanity, once and for all, thru his messengers/prophets and thru his Holly books.
The message of God has been delivered to all. It’s then up to each human as to how he lives his life under the guidance of God’s message.
Otherwise, G. Bush also said, God told me to launch an attack on Iraq (and kill millions of innocent people including women n children and elderly).
We shouldn’t be taking actions and doing things based on “God told me to do so n so, if it’s out of the guidance from the Holytook of your religion.
the other thought that comes to mind, is that the adopted child is going to be a high needs child, due to whatever trauma it has already experienced early in life, which led to it being put up for adoption in the first place. it is likely to have experienced abuse, violence, neglect, trauma, birth parents with addiction or incarceration. and the adopted child is likely to act out in the family. Are the adopting parents able to deal with that and do they have the stability and maturity to do so? Children who are adopted may have behavioral issues such as violent tantrums, oppositional behaviors, aggression, depression and anxiety. How comfortable are both parents with going to counseling and therapy?
Also, "Behavioral strategies used for biological children may not be appropriate for a child with a history of childhood trauma and adoption."
from article Behavioral and Emotional Issues in Adopted Children
I believe there are a significant amount of requirements and hoops one has to jump through to be able to adopt.
As Tzaphkiel sort of implies in the post above.
If you AND your husband are considering this, why not reach out to an agency to see about the classes and stuff. I'm not sure if you would have to pay for them if you are not "serious" but the agencies can certainly put you in touch with local couples who have gone through the process.
post above offers a great idea. Talk with different agencies to see what their requirements are, the types of criteria they have, and the areas to evaluate which may include age of adopting parents, number of children in the home already, age of children in the home, psychological health of the parents. This will make it more real for you, and most importantly will bring up possible red flags or areas of concern for you and your husband to be aware of and discuss. Gather information and see how you and hubby respond and feel about it.
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Tzaph is very wise and has given you good advice. The bold is the most important factor to consider, QuakerBaker. NOT your obviously generous and tender heart. The world will not be any less enriched by devoting your generous love to your current children and your other charitable activities.
