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Wish there was some objective measure and evidence to go with that.
Which part? The treating other people better piece is self-evident based on the meaning of empathy. As for who’s nicer to be around, that’s much more of a toss-up. Unfortunately, there’s no shortage of charismatic but manipulative and ill-meaning people in this world.
Wish there was some objective measure and evidence to go with that.
yes.
also "empathy" can be misplaced and harmful to self and others
"In recent years, researchers have found that misplaced empathy can be bad for you and others, leading to exhaustion and apathy, and preventing you from helping the very people you need to. Worse, people’s empathetic tendencies can even be harnessed to manipulate them into aggression and cruelty."
also for people in recovery, it is well known that a person needs to hit their own personal rock bottom before they will get themselves into recovery. well meaning but misplaced "empathy" from others (codependence) can prevent a person from ever getting themself into recovery.
yes.
also "empathy" can be misplaced and harmful to self and others
"In recent years, researchers have found that misplaced empathy can be bad for you and others, leading to exhaustion and apathy, and preventing you from helping the very people you need to. Worse, people’s empathetic tendencies can even be harnessed to manipulate them into aggression and cruelty."
also for people in recovery, it is well known that a person needs to hit their own personal rock bottom before they will get themselves into recovery. well meaning but misplaced "empathy" from others (codependence) can prevent a person from ever getting themself into recovery.
Any trait or predilection can be harmful when dispensed in the wrong ways and at the wrong time (although I don’t necessarily agree that dysfunctional behaviors like codependency are indicative of empathy). Generally speaking, empathy is a very positive characteristic, and it is not synonymous with lacking a backbone or an inability to set boundaries (including for the benefit of the people we love).
yes.
also "empathy" can be misplaced and harmful to self and others
"In recent years, researchers have found that misplaced empathy can be bad for you and others, leading to exhaustion and apathy, and preventing you from helping the very people you need to. Worse, people’s empathetic tendencies can even be harnessed to manipulate them into aggression and cruelty."
also for people in recovery, it is well known that a person needs to hit their own personal rock bottom before they will get themselves into recovery. well meaning but misplaced "empathy" from others (codependence) can prevent a person from ever getting themself into recovery.
Some people with mental health difficulties, such as ADD, have affect that is neutral, do not display what is normally expected. In other words their empathy is not visible, i do not believe anyone’s is actually. It is only in their actions that can be understood as empathetic, kind etc. Some may have empathy but may not act, for whatever reason.
All we have to judge people with is their actions. Not the judgmental emotions we project on them.
I have heard, actually in these forums, the atheist argument against AA for two reasons. One is AA’s 12 steps and ceding control to a Higher Power, and the other is the treating of alcoholism as a disease. Whatever works to help one recover is fine with me, and all power to AA for finding spirituality as a cure.
The friend of mine who became an alcoholic and now over five years sober used to complain to me in the early going that the religious part of the 12 steps was an irritation for him, because he's not religious or a believer in a god. I used to encourage him to ignore that part and simply focus on the steps that better resonated with him. Yes, "whatever works" as they say, and sometimes you've got to take what works and discard what doesn't. Whether we're talking the 12 steps, religion or whatever, generally speaking.
Some of us know way too much about it, more than we ever wanted to know.
Not sure about you, but...
Unfortunately, too many people know all too much about the negative consequences of alcohol abuse, but few of even those people really know much about the actual manner in which alcohol affects the brain and the chemical explanation for why the problem is so serious for alcoholics. My friend who ended up becoming an alcoholic is a very intelligent guy, and he used to give me all the technical reasons and explanations for why alcoholics become alcoholics. After I'd listen to the comprehensive explanation, I'd ask him, "so what does all that knowledge do for you in terms of quitting?" He'd have to admit not much...
Ultimately, no matter the reasons, explanations or excuses, every alcoholic has to somehow manage a "mind over matter" small miracle and finally just quit by sheer force of will. A miracle that doesn't ever happen or last too long for too many.
The friend of mine who became an alcoholic and now over five years sober used to complain to me in the early going that the religious part of the 12 steps was an irritation for him, because he's not religious or a believer in a god. I used to encourage him to ignore that part and simply focus on the steps that better resonated with him. Yes, "whatever works" as they say, and sometimes you've got to take what works and discard what doesn't. Whether we're talking the 12 steps or religion generally speaking.
I am glad your alcoholic friend is now sober. Good luck to him in staying sober.
The 12 step program is centered around ceding control to a higher power and the success is dependent on that attitude, as well as all the other steps. It is not religion as much as a spiritual tool to help one understand that none of us, alcoholic or not, are in total control of ourselves, we all need help. If that were not true there will be no substance abuse problem that becomes a disease. Needing help does not make one weak, and the recognition of it is what leads one out of the problem we create for ourself.
That would have been a good tip for your executives needing coaching. A little spiritual tool.
Also, atheists are hardly barred from 12-step programs. One does not need to believe in a literal higher power to have the serenity to accept things one cannot change, the courage to make changes within one’s own control, and the wisdom to know the difference. Some meetings have cultures where belief in a higher power is paramount to recovery. Many meetings do not have such overbearing expectations.
I know that some people are critical of 12-step programs for a whole host of reasons (most of which have nothing to do with religion and spirituality). I have no dog in that fight, and I’m certainly thrilled for the people in my life who have found long-term success through these programs.
My wife has a lot of addiction in her father’s family (of the four siblings, only one has lived a life free of substance abuse). It’s interesting because I don’t think her paternal grandparents ever had those problems, although at least one great-grandfather on that side was an alcoholic.
Genetics, environment, life experiences. A whole number of things can influence one’s predisposition to addictive behaviors. Apart from ethnic and religious groups that abstain from alcohol entirely, Jews (of all levels of observance, including none at all) are the least likely to develop alcoholism, although Jews are not immune from alcoholism and there are certainly Jewish alcoholics. While I don’t know if I’d call him an alcoholic, my father has developed some problematic drinking habits in his later years.
My good friend who became an alcoholic had a Jewish mother, and I've known a few other Jewish men who had drinking problems...
Never thought about any ethnic group, religious group or race as being more or less susceptible, and what I know about alcoholism suggests it's all a matter of habit and a physiological predisposition toward developing the disorder. All in addition to the factors you also mention that contribute to the possibility of becoming an alcoholic.
It’s an extremely well-studied phenomenon and is succinctly explained in this Forwardarticle (which cites external sources). If this upsets you because you dislike Jews, then I’m #sorrynotsorry.
Curious, I did a little digging about this, and I came across a pretty good variety of articles and studies that don't exactly line up with what your link explains. Some that also seem to suggest there really hasn't been much good research or study to confirm this about Jewish people, but it doesn't really matter to me. I don't know EXACTLY why I've been able to drink and not become the alcoholic my friend became, but I feel sorry for anyone who becomes an alcoholic regardless who they are or why. Their families too. That's for sure!
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