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Old 02-26-2023, 10:10 PM
 
6,115 posts, read 3,056,644 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frozenfire88 View Post
This is moreso for those who believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. But, without resorting to metaphysical or supernatural claims. For example, don't say because God said so or because that's what the Bible says. This is not to argue who's right. I'm moreso interested in the reasons or arguments as to why one should wait.

There's one particular issue I have in mind. Knowing your partner's libido or sex is drive is important. If you wait until marriage to have sex, you won't know if your partner has a high or low sex drive. What if you're both on opposite ends? Shouldn't you know if you're sexually compatible before being married?
And how is this related to religion forum?
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Old 02-27-2023, 04:51 AM
 
Location: Type 0.73 Kardashev
11,110 posts, read 9,747,639 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuakerBaker View Post
Some people regret or get hurt from having too many "partners" - some even are jealous or upset that their spouse had a lot of past partners. That is something to think about too.
Indeed. And the solution is to look for someone who doesn't have a problem with who you are - which includes your past - rather than try and make yourself being someone else.

Look, everyone has preferences. Some people want to marry a virgin. Others absolutely do not want that. Some want people who are of a certain ideological outlook; others want those who are of another. Some will want to live in rural North Dakota, others in Los Angeles. And on and on. It's not possible to check the boxes from all groups, because many of these groups of prospective mates have mutually exclusive requirements.

The overriding reason not to have sex before marriage lies in religion. And these other reasons? STDs, avoiding jealousy, making it 'special', appealing to a potential mate's desires? They're just reasons that are scrounged up to justify a mate-choosing policy that has already been chosen. Doing something for reasons that you found after deciding to do that thing is the opposite of how logical decision-making works.

For those who idealize waiting until marriage: wait until marriage. Just own the reason.
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Old 03-05-2023, 04:11 PM
 
Location: california
7,291 posts, read 6,873,894 times
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Long ago I learned the just as in chemistry one element affects another even if it is a gas that passes by, has an effect.
Humans communicate verbally and nonverbally, even driving down the road and see things or people that we give attention, it all has an effect. even reading things here, agreeing with it or not, it has an effect.
Those we have closer relationship with have more effect, and the greater the contact the greater the memory, good or bad.
I have all kinds of memories of all the folks I've met and to some degree some of the discussions as well.
Girls I've kissed and hugged still are a memory and no sex was involved. but these things help form an opinion toward what we look for in a mate.
In the old days people didn't always have the volume of choices to choose from, mostly that of a village (Fiddler on the Roof) Every one knew almost all there was to know about every one else in the village. Love was not the main thrust, survival was. Love is selfish by comparison, lust even more so.
The fewer people there are to choose from more serious the decisions are that a mate fulfill, faith , food, heath, strength, courage, education, community standing.
One thing that had an effect in my marriage was a memory of a past relationship that I lost and I missed and failed to forget, and I might have been better off having never met her, but the mind cannot help but fanaticize what might have been. Both are long gone now.
These however form my life decisions for today, and no longer look/hope for a mate to avoid the heartache. simple.
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Old 03-05-2023, 05:32 PM
 
6,912 posts, read 4,364,971 times
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Sexual compatibility is important so people that wait may be in for a rude awakening.
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Old 03-06-2023, 05:51 PM
 
Location: california
7,291 posts, read 6,873,894 times
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If sex is one's primary need they are in for a rude awakening.
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Old 03-06-2023, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
19,783 posts, read 13,315,819 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arleigh View Post
If sex is one's primary need they are in for a rude awakening.
It is not primary so much as primal. We are sexual beings, and denying or always sublimating that reality doesn't help matters. The energy goes somewhere or other. It either finds healthy expression, or unhealthy.

Of course we might differ on what constitutes "healthy". I would simply suggest that one must manage all forms of energy and pretending the energy doesn't exist or can be switched off at will, causes all sorts of interpersonal, mental and physical problems, directly or indirectly.
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Old 03-06-2023, 06:00 PM
 
63,473 posts, read 39,755,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arleigh View Post
If sex is one's primary need they are in for a rude awakening.
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Old 03-07-2023, 11:09 AM
 
18,864 posts, read 6,882,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant View Post
It is not primary so much as primal. We are sexual beings, and denying or always sublimating that reality doesn't help matters. The energy goes somewhere or other. It either finds healthy expression, or unhealthy.

Of course we might differ on what constitutes "healthy". I would simply suggest that one must manage all forms of energy and pretending the energy doesn't exist or can be switched off at will, causes all sorts of interpersonal, mental and physical problems, directly or indirectly.
Christianity (and religion as a whole) is about denying oneself in lieu of higher purposes. What if we directed the energy into knowing God?
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Old 03-07-2023, 01:53 PM
 
Location: North by Northwest
9,317 posts, read 12,928,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaptistFundie View Post
Christianity (and religion as a whole) is about denying oneself in lieu of higher purposes. What if we directed the energy into knowing God?
Short of a DSM-V diagnosable mental disorder, does safe and consensual sexual intercourse between adults redirect too much energy from, well, anything?
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Old 03-07-2023, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Alabama
13,475 posts, read 7,747,904 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElijahAstin View Post
Short of a DSM-V diagnosable mental disorder, does safe and consensual sexual intercourse between adults redirect too much energy from, well, anything?
Your question seems to presume that there is some kind of intrinsic right for adults to engage in consensual sexual intercourse - that adults are entitled to sex provided the partner is willing. Is that true?
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