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If I love my boyfriend, I would not want to have sex with anyone else. Why do I need all these tests? I don't understand how you can have sex with someone you don't feel anything for. I wouldn't even be able to kiss him, not to mention the rest.
*Sigh*
That's not what I said AT ALL.
Point to where I said at any point that you should have sex with someone that you don't feel anything for.
I NEVER suggested such a thing, nor would I.
What's wrong with the comprehension on this thread?
OR, you can be sexually compatible and NOT love the person you're having sex with.
This is not about ignorance. In fact, it's about the complete opposite of ignorance. It's about being smart about who we have sex with.
If you take a gander at the Relationships forum on Citidata, you'll see a number of people (especially women) who advise others (men AND women) to WAIT to have sex. Not necessarily wait until marriage to have sex, but to wait, nonetheless.
It's pretty well known that if anyone tries to pressure you into having sex EARLY in the 'relationship', they're pretty much interested in SEX; and NOT *YOU*.
The whole idea of 'waiting' to have sex is to use the time to discover each other's likes, dislikes, tastes, beliefs, attitudes and values. It's to get to know their character: Are they honest? Kind? Trustworthy? Patient? Generous? Loyal? Fair?
After all, why would I want to have sex with someone who's a liar? Who's deceitful? Mean spirited? Insulting? Controlling? Cheap? Gets angry at the drop of a hat?
Those are traits that one cannot know about someone in a few days, weeks or even months.
The mantra these days seems to be, "Have sex with me FIRST, THEN I may decide if I want a relationship with you." Those people put sex AHEAD of any relationship.
ALSO NOT what I said. ^
Of course finding out about someone's character is vital. As I have said REPEATEDLY it's not an either / or thing. Yes, OF COURSE you should find out if someone is honest, loyal, trustworthy... all of those things AS WELL as finding out if you are sexually attracted to them.
Why do so many people assume it is only one or the other? It's a whole package. And you should find out about all aspects of your partner before getting married.
This is all academic anyway. I'd be amazed if the number of people who waited until after they are married is more than about 5%. That's just a guess.
EDIT: well that turned out to be a pretty good guess:
Premarital Sex Is Nearly Universal Among Americans, And Has Been For Decades
Quote:
According to the analysis, by age 44, 99% of respondents had had sex, and 95% had done so before marriage.
Is it "vastly different" than wanting LOVE ahead of sex? How often do men tell women (especially) they love them JUST to get sex?
If they're both "risky", then why give either your trust AND/OR your body away too soon?
Wanting love ahead of sex implies that one is more important than the other. Both are significant components of a relationship.
How often do women (especially) withhold sex JUST to get a couple of free dinners first? There's no need to demonize men.
And yeah, we should guard our Trust as much as our bodies. That's my point. All the pillars of a relationship should have equal respect. And yet I've never seen a thread about 'waiting for Trust'.
Wanting love ahead of sex implies that one is more important than the other. Both are significant components of a relationship.
And likewise, wanting sex ahead of love ALSO implies that one is more important than the other.
Quote:
How often do women (especially) withhold sex JUST to get a couple of free dinners first? There's no need to demonize men.
If a man doesn't want to pay for a "couple of dinners" he can always go dutch.
But I'll tell ya...even if a couple does go dutch, it's usually the man who will expect sex by a certain point (as in, the "3 date rule"). That "rule" is still alive and well.
Quote:
And yeah, we should guard our Trust as much as our bodies. That's my point. All the pillars of a relationship should have equal respect. And yet I've never seen a thread about 'waiting for Trust'.
But you HAVE seen threads about WAITING, PERIOD. Trust is only part of what's being waited for.
And yeah, we should guard our Trust as much as our bodies. That's my point. All the pillars of a relationship should have equal respect. And yet I've never seen a thread about 'waiting for Trust'.
Well, the opposite is true - read about the rushed relationships that failed. There are six agony/cheating/ghosting/wronged threads on the first page in City Data Relationship Forum. Looks like there are over 500 pages in that forum.
Not waiting for trust is heartbreaking.
Last edited by YorktownGal; 03-12-2023 at 04:35 PM..
What a weird thing to say.
It's not an either / or situation. You can be sexually compatable AND love your partner.
I'm gonna be honest here, there's a heck of a lot of naivety on this thread. If you WAIT until you are way into a relationship before you have sex AND have never had sex with anyone else THEN start having sex, then you're never going to know the difference.
That's really what's going on here wirh every person defending waiting until after they are married.
Well okay I guess ignorance really is bliss and I suppose that's okay as far as it goes. More power to those people.
You can buy whatever you want. Yours is an opinion. So is mine
If you are happy then I am happy for you.
I'm personally very happy to have ended up with the guy I did having rejected several others, based on all kinds of factors. The other relationships would never have worked.
I guess we all have our own measure of what we want out of life.
You can buy whatever you want. Yours is an opinion. So is mine
If you are happy then I am happy for you.
I'm personally very happy to have ended up with the guy I did having rejected several others, based on all kinds of factors. The other relationships would never have worked. I guess we all have our own measure of what we want out of life.
Yes, that is something we can all agree on. And only we know how best to achieve it.
You are denying science. First, addictions are not 'personal choices'. And the 'desire to please', while a sweet, romantic notion, denies the reality that sexual compatibility IS complicated. It occurs deep inside the brain, where unconscious calculations are made. Often, we are not even aware of those calculations. Smell, taste, how they touch you, how you respond to that touch - and what is it about them that MAKES you want to please them...
Most of us know that woman who ends up with a man that abuses her, either physically or emotionally. We call her out on it, and her response is always - "I know, but there's just something about him..."
That 'something' is typically the fact that her father abused her as a child, and children will crave whatever type of 'love' they think they are worth. So if she manages to end that relationship, we see her months later and there she is - with another man that abuses her. The subconscious mind is not something to screw around with. And that's where sexual compatibility resides - not in some simplistic desire to please someone. You're either attracted to them on all the necessary levels to sustain a marriage or you are not. Denying the critical role of sex is just a formula for failure. And what is the leading cause of divorce? "I just didn't enjoy sex with them anymore - so I went elsewhere".
No, you never really did enjoy sex with them because you lacked the necessary compatibility.
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