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My husband and I have no problems in our marriage, except for my mother in law. My mother in law likes to put me down, and of course does not treat me like her own daughter. In her mind, she could have every one be dead, except her sons and of course herself. She would say stuff to her husband things like, if you ever get sick, just die, don’t be half dead and I would then need to pay for so much medical bills. She also says that all the daughter in laws took her sons away from her and she would cry for this reason quite often over the phone. When I finally get the chance to watch a 10 min. TV show at her place after dinner, since I have been so busy taking care of my 2 year old the whole day, she tells me not to watch TV and focus on feeding her grandson, but she doesn’t tell my husband to do that and lets him rest after dinner.
Ok, I don’t know if you agree with me that these examples could make me feel awful on a regular base, but we have finally decided to move to another state. I’m just hanging in there getting picked till we move. BUT, I feel full of guilt taking her grandson and son away from her, in any religion point of view, even if I run away from my MIL because I can’t stand her and it affects my mental health, I feel as though there will be Karma happening to me, and whatever goes around comes around, like one day my son might move away from me or god will not forgive me for letting my husband and son leave my MIL. Do you know what I mean? Is it really an evil thing to want to move away for this reason? I mean she gave birth to my husband no matter what…..I’m struggling so bad.
I don't think it is any religious force or ideology (karma, etc.) that is at play here. I would wonder whether it isn't something else, as ultimately what June hears you describing is:
Do not feel bad. Your husband should be supporting you and loving you and protecting you but it sounds like he is not.
The bible says that "for this cause shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife." It sounds like you husband is still cleaving to his mother and father and not you.
Going to another state may be a very good change for you and your family to give you some distance from the in laws and a chance to grow as a family unit. To grow together and close so when you do visit your MIL you will be stronger united.
You are not doing anything bad by moving. Even Jesus said "Go into all the world..." So there is a desire in God for us to go out and change the world too.
Be open with your husband and MIL and tell them that you are feeling hurt. This will get the issue out and sometimes people don't know how we feel because we just don't tell them. If your MIL still rejects you that is OK, you have tried to keep the comunication lines open and it is on her now to keep it open on her side. She may eventually come around, but if she doesn't remember that your relationship with your husband is the most important relationship.
You and your husband have the right to go wherever you feel is best for your future and your family.
Your MIL should not influence any decision you make for what you feel is best.
Send her pictures of her grandson and let her know about all of his new adventures and his new found talents that just naturally come along with the growing proccess.
Don't be defensive. That will just add fuel to her feeling of being possesive. Send her positive communication.
Sounds like she wants to be a controller of everyones lives.
You will not be struck down by lightning, or karma, for living your own lives.
You have nothing to feel guilty about and no reason to fear any repercusions from the karma gods for making decisions that we all make to try to improve our lives and our futures.
It is a natural process that any common sense thinking individual would understand.
Your MIL should be offering encouragment instead negativity.
You aren't doing anything wrong. You won't be punished for living your own lives. That is your right and the way it is supposed to be.
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"God" doesn't care where you live or why. If in fact god is paying any attention at all, He will be far more concerned over how you are treating others and how you are living your lives than He is in where you decide to go or live. If your MIL is cauing you stress and duress in your family life, then it probably would be the kindest thing to remove yourself from that problem.
I had a MIL who literally ran our family by manipulating my ex-husband and both of his brothers. Both brothers moved away with the wives and families and escaped her bonds and are still happilly married 30+ years later. My ex would not leave, his mother had complete control over him, and he is now my "EX" husband. Live & learn
My husband and I have no problems in our marriage, except for my mother in law. My mother in law likes to put me down, and of course does not treat me like her own daughter. In her mind, she could have every one be dead, except her sons and of course herself. She would say stuff to her husband things like, if you ever get sick, just die, don’t be half dead and I would then need to pay for so much medical bills. She also says that all the daughter in laws took her sons away from her and she would cry for this reason quite often over the phone. When I finally get the chance to watch a 10 min. TV show at her place after dinner, since I have been so busy taking care of my 2 year old the whole day, she tells me not to watch TV and focus on feeding her grandson, but she doesn’t tell my husband to do that and lets him rest after dinner.
Ok, I don’t know if you agree with me that these examples could make me feel awful on a regular base, but we have finally decided to move to another state. I’m just hanging in there getting picked till we move. BUT, I feel full of guilt taking her grandson and son away from her, in any religion point of view, even if I run away from my MIL because I can’t stand her and it affects my mental health, I feel as though there will be Karma happening to me, and whatever goes around comes around, like one day my son might move away from me or god will not forgive me for letting my husband and son leave my MIL. Do you know what I mean? Is it really an evil thing to want to move away for this reason? I mean she gave birth to my husband no matter what…..I’m struggling so bad.
You're taking care of yourself and leaving a toxic and abusive person.
I'm just happy for you that you have a husband that is standing with you and is not afraid to live his own life and protect you from his mother.
Don't misuse the concept of karma ... please.
This sounds more like "Christian" guilt to me and i mean no disrespect in saying that.
To leave an abusive relationship is a skillful and loving thing to do.
Leaving that kind of negativity is nothing to beat yourself up over.
You could be congratulating yourself for having the guts to do it ... for exercising your God-given right to choose not to allow yourself to be treated badly.
You think "God" wants you to be continually threatened and treated like garbage? How is that loving?
You are not harming this woman in any essential way. You are making a choice to disengage from a very unhealthy ego.
That she gave birth to her son does not give her license to be abusive to him and if she's abusing someone that he loves and has chosen to be with, then she is harming him as well.
The wise and skillful thing for you to do is learn how not to mother a son, ie; you can learn from your mother-in-law how important it is to let your son go and bless him in his choice of partners when it's his time to leave the nest .. to not cling to him out of your own selfish needs and because you're unhappy. From her mistakes you can gain more awareness.
If you're happy and balanced in your life and love yourself your son will be o.k. .... if you're miserable because you're trapped in an unhealthy family dynamic, do you think that would be good for your son?
You're not doing anything "wrong". You're trying to have a happy, healthy family ... right?
If you're MIL cannot take part in that, and cannot be a supportive person in your family structure then you have every right to leave and create a situation that is optimum for your family.
You're the mother now. It's your nest and your family and if she can't support you, leave and bless her as you go.
Guilt is not a healthy thing to hold onto and won't help your marriage or your son. Be happy. You have a right to be and have no reason to feel badly about yourself for leaving a toxic situation. That would be something to fret about ... if you stayed and kept playing her victim.
Let go of your guilt and let go of your fear. There will be no punishment from some mighty hand but if you hold onto your guilt and fear you'll be punishing yourself and creating negativity.
U Be free, love your family, start a new life and have compassion for your MIL as much as you are able to (she sounds kind of sick) but don't beat yourself up if you can't feel compassion for her! She's been mean to you.
Would you allow her to be mean to a daughter of yours? No. So be your own daughter and don't feel badly for protecting yourself.
No guilt. There is no karma for movong away from a mean and decieved lady like her. My husband and I ALSO had to move away from his parents mostly his mom for being so mean, controlling, and manipulative.
As long as you forgive her, and be as kind to her as possible when you do see her. You will be in a better place by moving. Let her be an example of what NOT to be when your children get married. Best wishes friend!
It sure must be tough being a female. You try to make everyone happy instead of thinking about yourself.
Listen to a good male role model - like Jesus. In the Sermon on the Mount, he said, "If thy eye offend thee, pluck it out."
In other words, if something in your life (like your MIL) is making you miserable, get rid of it. Put your child and husband first. Move away from your MIL.
What's your input religion-wise for wanting moving away from my mother in law?
What is it with some mothers-in-law? They actually see the wife as competition for their son's affections. That is just sick. A mother should not have those kinds of affections for her own sons. There is no competition for the motherly kind. Move away and say good riddance until she changes her ways.
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What's your input religion-wise for wanting moving away from my mother in law?
