Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How difficult would it be for you to devote 15 minutes to yourself every single day over the course of the next week in order to meditate, (just sitting and only focusing on your breathing?) Very hard, kinda hard, have no interest, don't ask, why do you ask? (Chose one.) P.S. And by "meditate" I don't mean "prayer." (Not that I'm knocking prayer. I'm not.)
How difficult would it be for you to devote 15 minutes to yourself every single day over the course of the next week in order to meditate, (just sitting and only focusing on your breathing?) Very hard, kinda hard, have no interest, don't ask, why do you ask? (Chose one.) P.S. And by "meditate" I don't mean "prayer." (Not that I'm knocking prayer. I'm not.)
And yes, I'm "going somewhere" with this...)
I have every interest in learning on how to meditate w/out actually talking to God or asking God for anything. I just don't know how to do it.
I should be able to find time if I really wanted to. After my son is asleep. I found myself not being able to sit in silence, I always find myself trying to fill my time w/anything: either reading, or watching tv or networking on internet. Anything to keep myself away from thinking.
Regardless what your spiritual views are you do not need to walk around "shoulding" yourself. June has the right idea. Find some calming music and play it. I would recommend breathing slowly in and out. Try to count your breaths. Breathing in for 4-6 seconds and breathing out for 4-6 seconds. Repeat 10 times and notice your anxiety transmuting back to love. Do this daily and start to add more breaths as you go along, eventually you can build up to a 15 min meditation that will cleanse your aura of toxic wastes such as fear, worry, guilt.
Also look for guided meditation cds when you feel ready. They will help you get out of your head and elevate your conscious awareness.
Regardless what your spiritual views are you do not need to walk around "shoulding" yourself. June has the right idea. Find some calming music and play it. I would recommend breathing slowly in and out. Try to count your breaths. Breathing in for 4-6 seconds and breathing out for 4-6 seconds. Repeat 10 times and notice your anxiety transmuting back to love. Do this daily and start to add more breaths as you go along, eventually you can build up to a 15 min meditation that will cleanse your aura of toxic wastes such as fear, worry, guilt.
Also look for guided meditation cds when you feel ready. They will help you get out of your head and elevate your conscious awareness.
Be well.
I meditate most nights in order to relax enough to sleep. (I used to suffer from insomnia) I keep it simple and count my breaths backwards from ten to one as many times as I need till I drift off.( usually not more that two or three times) I concentrate on feeling the air entering my body and filling my lungs and the same when I exhale. This I think is mainly an exercise to clear the mind of any troublesome thoughts...Works for me.
I have every interest in learning on how to meditate w/out actually talking to God or asking God for anything. I just don't know how to do it.
I should be able to find time if I really wanted to. After my son is asleep. I found myself not being able to sit in silence, I always find myself trying to fill my time w/anything: either reading, or watching tv or networking on internet. Anything to keep myself away from thinking.
So here's June's idea, for what it's worth:
Chronic, constant worrying, along with guilt, sort of speaks to some sort of dynamic that is preventing you from either being able to reward yourself with something like a massage, and/or causing you to feel guilty when you do do something kind for yourself. June is wondering what you may (or may not, I don't know) be "fending off" that lies beneath all the worrying, fear, and resulting anxiety. In other words, there are times when that dialectic of constant worrying and guilt masks something else, thereby preventing one from knowing what the "real cause" actually is. It happens with all of us, to greater or lesser degrees.
I would think that if you meditated for just 15 minutes, every day over the course of the next week, it might prove to be a helpful excersise. For one thing, it forces you to remain in the present; (something which you indicated you can rarely experience yourself doing.) As well, those who meditate consistently over time report lowered anxiety, stress, and a much more calm demeanor. The aim here is simply for you to remain present with yourself, and only yourself for those 15 minutes. See whether you have the capacity to self focus in a nonjudgemental way. All you have to do, (literally) is sit. Where it's quiet. Just concentrate, focus on your breathing in and out. That's all. When your mind wanders to somewhere else, just redirect it back to your breathing. That is ALL you need to do. Fifteen minutes. Every day. For one week.
Or, if meditating proves too frustrating, then I would try music. Put your favorite music on, put the headphones on, and just sit and listen to the music for 15 minutes, every day. (As in: not dusting, straightening up the house, or doing anything else at the same time.) The point in doing this is that it is one time during the day when you MUST reward yourself. --By doing something that costs you no money, not alot of time, and is pleasurable. I recommended the exact same thing to someone, who responded by saying: "Oh my goodness, I couldn't! It would be so selfish, so self indulgent!" --Exactly. That's the whole point. You see, it isn't really self indulgent or selfish, it's called taking care of one self. It's only 15 minutes. But you must focus soley on the music, and enjoy it. In the present. Nothing more.
I tend to think that when we worry obsessively about things, it is serving some sort of purpose in our lives. (Or it can.) Usually it prevents us from being consciously aware of what is really going on in ourselves. In other words, it serves the partial purpose of masking the real difficulty that we are attempting to "resolve" by endless worrying over those things that have no end point/solution in our worry. Guilt over simple pleasures is something else, although based on what you have written, I would wonder if it also isn't a part of the underlying dynamic. There is something about the notion of "I don't deserve..." when basically, what we all do deserve is 15 minutes of peace and a little pleasure. (Hence, listening to music.) It sounds so simple, but it is surprisingly hard for more people than I think you'd realize.
As for you feeling that your faith in God alone should enable you to better manage what you are experiencing, I'm not sure how much of that is your also judging yourself, and thereby inadvertantly reinforcing your guilt. (Or perhaps unconsciously reinforcing your sense of guilt. I don't know. I wouldn't venture to guess either way.) Nonetheless, I have the feeling that God isn't inclined to place as much "guilt" on you as you are to place on yourself. He's still there, and I would wonder whether He would want you to feel that much guilt...
So, give it a whirl. That's June's "prescription" and then get back to me/us in a week. (Take two asprin as needed.)
Seriously, I am NOT looking to "diagnose" you as I am unable to do that, but I think this initial excercise should prove interesting...
Keep reading your Bible,stay in the word and keep your focus on God and He will take away your worry and cares if you just put it in His hands instead of your own. Keep with your fellowship at church for the unity and the edification with others is important and makes you as one with the Lord. Stay away from worldly influences and look towards Heavenly aspirations.
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
2,179 posts, read 7,019,605 times
Reputation: 1014
On the back of my house is a very large patio that overlooks my horses' corral, pastureland, and the mountains in the distance. It is surrounded by elm and cottonwood trees. Every evening (weather permitting) I sit for 20 minutes or so and just watch the horses eating and listen to the birds and the leaves rustling and I try to think about nothing but those sounds and sights. It's my means of meditating. It is extremely important to me, especially in times of stress. Sort of puts you in perspective of what is really important in life.
Keep reading your Bible,stay in the word and keep your focus on God and He will take away your worry and cares if you just put it in His hands instead of your own. Keep with your fellowship at church for the unity and the edification with others is important and makes you as one with the Lord. Stay away from worldly influences and look towards Heavenly aspirations.
Sounds like she is doing this and still having runaway thoughts and emotions.
Being still is key. I like what June is saying! Great advice to someone that is not able to control thought, a simple meditative state brings that peace and stillness. It is how one knows God. It is a higher form of prayer when we get to the point that we can go from breathing being the focus to the next level of actually sending out Love, which is a vibration of energy when directed from a clear still mind. It is power and peace all in one great perfect package.
Unfortunately people can and have become word bound, and not aware of the process of putting the words into action/power. That is why the caution of the letter killeth, but the spirit maketh alive is so important to understand.
All the reading and words of the bible mean very little if one does not know how to apply them in reality. With power and efficacy.
I agree totally with the suggestion for you to meditate. When I do that regularly I find I am less "uptight" (did I just date myself? ).
I am not a therapist either, but try reading somethng on Rational Emotive Therapy--Albert Ellis was the original founder of this. But there are some good little quick-reading books by Houk ("Overcoming Anxiety") that are helpful. I've had problems with anxiety and guilt too, so don't feel alone!
Emotions come from our own thoughts about things, not from the external events. This is what eludes most of us.
Anxiety (and not necessarily flaming panic attacks, but worrying that interferes with your daily life) stems from "awfulizing"--i.e., If this or that happens, it will be awful!In fact, I can't stand it! So what can you do? You first observe your physical reaction (here is where meditation helps) and notice you are feeling lousy. Then you begin the process of disputing. You think about your basic premise: How likely is the awful scenario to actually happen? Usually you realize it's very unlikely. But what if it is fairly likely? Then think it all the way out: What happens if the dreaded thing does happen? Most of the time you realize you will not like the thing, or even really not like it. But it's almost never in the realm of awful. Suddenly you notice your anxiety is a lot less! You can handle even the worst case!
Guilt stems mainly from a (wrong) belief about yourself--i.e., If I go on a vacation, I will be deserting my poor dear mother. I therefore must be a horrible daughter, thus I must be a horrible person. See how silly that sounds? But that's exactly the sort of crazy thoughts that cause guilt. We beat ourselves up for doing (or not doing!) a single thing that could possibly, remotely, distantly, be negative for someone. And again, you can dispute this at several levels. First, will your mother be OK even if you go away for a few days? Probably. You can arrange for her to be taken care of, if it's important. Even if something bad happens, it does not cause you to be a bad person!* You are the same as everyone else--and rating yourself "worse" or "better" is not a valid thing to do. You deserve some peace and relaxation as much as the next guy.
Good Luck!
*As an aside, I had this very thing happen to me. I went on a 4-day vacation, and the first day I got a call from my sister. Mom was being taken to the emergency room because of a rapid heart rate. I had to be on the phone a lot that day, but I did not run home after they found Mom had an anxiety attack and not a serious heart problem. Had I succumbed to my usual guilt trip, I would have sacrificed my vacation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
P.S. And by "meditate" I don't mean "prayer." (Not that I'm knocking prayer. I'm not.) 
