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Old 09-17-2008, 12:43 PM
 
Location: NJ
1,423 posts, read 3,252,796 times
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Hi
Im hoping someone can give me advice. I work with someone for about 5 years know and have come to know them but never really met their family. Well her 19 yr old neice passed away the other day and im not sure i should attend the wake. i do plan on sending a monitary donation,and visiting my friend. i just dont feel like i shoule. i feel its for close family and friends of the deceased. please help... as i feel guilty just asking.
deb
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Old 09-17-2008, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
8,721 posts, read 12,865,170 times
Reputation: 3784
Quote:
Originally Posted by deb8997 View Post
Hi
Im hoping someone can give me advice. I work with someone for about 5 years know and have come to know them but never really met their family. Well her 19 yr old neice passed away the other day and im not sure i should attend the wake. i do plan on sending a monitary donation,and visiting my friend. i just dont feel like i shoule. i feel its for close family and friends of the deceased. please help... as i feel guilty just asking.
deb
I understand your quandry. If you feel uncomfortable going to the wake, just go to the Funeral service, there may be a guest book there to sign. Depending on how close you are you may even go to the grave side service. When my father passed away, an old girlfriend came to the service to my surprise, which I appreciated very much. However, I thought it was a little odd that she and her entire family showed up for the wake afterwards, which was just for family. It was just kind of weird that she showed up to that part of it. Just depends on how close you are to your friend. If you are not that close to the family, your friend might not think anything of you not being at the wake (might not even occur to her), as opposed to thinking something about you showing up.
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Old 09-17-2008, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Oxford, OH
1,461 posts, read 3,449,830 times
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I think since you have known this person for five years that's a lot of time. If you really care for this person than it shows you are feeling for their loss. Certainly if you really don't want to go then don't but I'm sure they would appreciate a kind word from you. You have to just go with your heart. Believe me no one at a wake would ever think, "why are they there?" It helps them when they see there are people who care.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:25 PM
 
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
2,179 posts, read 6,622,017 times
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I doubt the immediate family will even notice. When my son died I was in such shock and running so totally on inertia that I could not tell you who was at the viewing or the funeral. Do what feels right to you.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:28 PM
 
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
2,179 posts, read 6,622,017 times
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P.S. What WILL matter to the family, especially the parent(s), is comfort and contact AFTER the funeral. That's when they will need your friendship and support. What happens after a death is that for about two weeks everyone is fluttering around trying to offer help and comfort and then, gradually, everyone goes back to their lives leaving the grieving parents alone with their anguish. Keep in contact...talk about their daughter and let them talk. All I wanted was someone around who was willing to let me grieve.
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Old 09-17-2008, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Maryland
3,544 posts, read 6,394,740 times
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IMHO, if your friend invited or asked you to attend, then you should be there for your friend.
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