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I don't understand why my upstairs neighbor is acting so strangely.
A month ago I moved from a noisy high rise with spring loaded front doors that made this awful slamming noise against a metal frame, a neighbor that dropped objects day and night and a host of other common noise issues.
I thought the new place would be quieter and while generally it is, I have this strange upstairs neighbor who refuses to come out and say hi.
I tend to be friendly to people who are friendly to me. So far I talked to my neighbors next to me a few times, they're a married couple in their early 50s, pleasant all around, my upstairs neighbor's boyfriend once, her son once, another neighbor once, that's it. The woman living above me is the one acting strangely. Why? Well I leave from the back most of the time and when I do to get into my car, I face the building. There's always an opportunity to talk to someone if I see them.
I know the woman's at home, but she's never greeted me in the 5 weeks I've been here. Her boyfriend was standing on his 2nd floor balcony and seemed chatty while her son, while less talkative, seemed like an okay guy. Everyone in the building is Spanish, I'm English and speak some German, but little Spanish. Still, I've tried to speak in their language when I do see them.
But the mom upstairs is hiding from me. It's weird. She or the 3rd floor neighbor discarded a bag with fruit and an empty juice container onto my patio...by mistake maybe, but why not come get it? They have a spiral staircase in the back and can use the yard to come and go.
All I know from the landlord is she's "quiet". Well she does work late, uses the shower/bath late and walks around at 1-3am, but other than this, I caught a glimpse of her in her nightgown or house coat for a quick second when I was at my car, but never really met her. What would you do? Go ring the bell and introduce yourself? Leave a card saying hi, I'm your new neighbor, if you wanna talk sometime, feel free to come over...or here's my number...? I wanna have good relations with my neighbors but it's weird when the person directly above you in a small building won't even make an effort to say hi. She's lived there 12+ years, I heard.
My mom suggested not to ring her doorbell while another woman suggested I do just that and offer her some baked goods to break the ice.
I would say leave her be & just respect her space. Why do you feel you have to know her? While it's helpful to know your neighbors in case a crisis arises, or for other reasons... it's not essential, and the lady might have a social phobia, or she might just be shy... or who knows what else. Some people feel more comfortable keeping to themselves & not interacting with their neighbors, and that's just how they are. Maybe she will smile & wave someday and maybe not, but I wouldn't worry about it.
Some people are just shy and don't know what to do. Go, ring her bell, take her some goodies and just introduce yourself. Then, it's up to her. You never know, right?
. Why do you feel you have to know her?
While it's helpful to know your neighbors in case a crisis arises, or for other reasons...
Yup there are many good reasons to get to know your neighbors. Besides the fact we haven't talked, she does tend to stomp around late at night (12-3am), so one woman suggested to befriend her, even bring her baked goods to get on her good side and then later on ask her to be conscious of the creaking/thin floors. Besides, I'd like the first contact with my neighbors to be a positive one. You can catch more flies with honey, as the saying goes.
Your neighbor isn't "hiding from you" or "acting strangely", she's merely retaining her privacy and you probably give her the creeps trying to catch glimpses of her. I agree. Mind your own business.
She may not speak English and may not want to try and talk to you in a language she doesn't know. Also, you said she is Spanish, and in some cultures a woman will not talk to strangers, especially if she is alone.
I would just leave it alone and if relations with the boyfriend or son improve, you may have an inroad to meeting the lady. Don't push.
Absolutely. There's being friendly, and then there's being pushy. I'd say let it go and if a relationship develops, great.
Now, if your intent, as it seems, is to develop a relationship so that you can later complain, she may be picking up on that motivation and not want to be "friends" with you for that reason.
she may be picking up on that motivation and not want to be "friends" with you for that reason.
That would only make sense if we've talked before or if she got word that noise neighbors bother me. Neither of these has happened.
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Be friendly
