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Honestly, I've been the upstairs neighbor who had to listen to kids running around and making noise through the floor (they were below me).. Loud video games after school, jumping around etc. I agree there's nothing wrong with children playing in their home and that's their right, but your neighbors also have a right to reasonable peace in their living environment as well. I don't know your definition of loud play or not, obviously this varies between everyone; some might think two children are being insanely noisy, while someone else could observe the same kids and think they were fine and within an acceptable level. A lot have mentioned noise as a drawback of apt living, but I would also argue that being mindful and respectful of neighbors is also a drawback. At the end of the day, obviously it has to be somewhat of a disturbance, since she notices to complain in the first place. I can relate to hearing constant noise/yelling/screaming/thumping sounds/feeling vibration through the floor at all hours and it sucked so much I ended up moving when I don't think I should have had to. For the record, I'm not an unreasonable person at all nor do I expect silence in an apt.. I'm young and not some cranky old person who never leaves their home, but it was a legitimate disturbance and I expected my neighbors to keep their kids under control and reasonably quiet during play. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling them to quiet down if they get loud or be mindful of being heavy footed in an apt, but maybe it's just how I was raised. I also don't think it would be fair to pull the autism card like someone suggested unless that's truly the reason behind it, and not just a loud play thing. It's not a stand alone home where your kids can do whatever they want, it's a shared building and that's an unfortunate reality too. I don't know if any of that even applies to you, so please don't take offense, I'm just sharing my experience from the other perspective. (Also, you mentioned your other neighbors bang/slam doors, is it possible she's hearing/feeling vibration from that and thinks it's coming from your unit?)
Honestly, I've been the upstairs neighbor who had to listen to kids running around and making noise through the floor (they were below me).. Loud video games after school, jumping around etc. I agree there's nothing wrong with children playing in their home and that's their right, but your neighbors also have a right to reasonable peace in their living environment as well. I don't know your definition of loud play or not, obviously this varies between everyone; some might think two children are being insanely noisy, while someone else could observe the same kids and think they were fine and within an acceptable level. A lot have mentioned noise as a drawback of apt living, but I would also argue that being mindful and respectful of neighbors is also a drawback. At the end of the day, obviously it has to be somewhat of a disturbance, since she notices to complain in the first place. I can relate to hearing constant noise/yelling/screaming/thumping sounds/feeling vibration through the floor at all hours and it sucked so much I ended up moving when I don't think I should have had to. For the record, I'm not an unreasonable person at all nor do I expect silence in an apt.. I'm young and not some cranky old person who never leaves their home, but it was a legitimate disturbance and I expected my neighbors to keep their kids under control and reasonably quiet during play. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling them to quiet down if they get loud or be mindful of being heavy footed in an apt, but maybe it's just how I was raised. I also don't think it would be fair to pull the autism card like someone suggested unless that's truly the reason behind it, and not just a loud play thing. It's not a stand alone home where your kids can do whatever they want, it's a shared building and that's an unfortunate reality too. I don't know if any of that even applies to you, so please don't take offense, I'm just sharing my experience from the other perspective. (Also, you mentioned your other neighbors bang/slam doors, is it possible she's hearing/feeling vibration from that and thinks it's coming from your unit?)
I am not unreasonable either. The problem is she chose to pull up her carpet against the rules. And I know this because I saw her hardwood floor and she admitted it. There is proof that if you feel vibrations from the downstairs floor, then your best bet may be a carpet or a rug. Also, my husband and I discipline our children. If you have not encountered an autistic or adhd child, you may not understand the sheer difficulty in explaining to your child " please sit and no running". I have done it to no avail. And honestly, there are certain areas that if you hit it, you will hear it in the apartment. I don't complain about children noise to them or the office because it is a family neighborhood fillled with kids. I guess it is my upbringing too. I lived in a family of 7, 5 kids. We were behaved but we were allowed to play. We fought, we laughed, and we lived in a hugh apartment. I appreciate your response. I think the best solution for everyone would be a transfer where there is another family. But that is not allowed. All I seek is a reasonable solution for both parties involved. Telling me to control my children is not a solution, especially when that is being done enough for the ages of the children. That is all I am saying.
You've mentioned that it's "at night"
What are these night time hours that you son has a problem sleeping through?
My son can stay up to 4 am. However, we stay up with him and we make him stay on his bed. That is with medications. That is with us taking him out side (for the most part) during the day. If I put him in the car and he dozes off from the ride, he can be up another 8 hrs. He is unable to put himself to sleep. This has been since he was a baby but was at its worse when he hit 2. We did the crying it out. He could cry for hours and that is disturbing to us. Some days are better than others. Hope that answers your question.
Sooo, iinitially, my neighbor complained that this vibration/ shaking was all day and all night. then she changed it to say it is at night. Then she told the property manager that it happens at night when I am not home (I work 3 12 Hr shifts at night) Last night, she stomped over our head when my husband walked and sat down. It was about 9:30-10:00 PM. I knocked on her door and asked why she did that when no one is running or jumping. My oldest was resting next to me and the youngest was asleep. She claimed that the kids have been running since she was home. The thing is 1) When she came in from home, I was about to leave to take my grandmother home. I took our oldest son with us. My husband put our youngest son to bed about 20 minutes later. I am not sure what vibrations she is feeling. I tried to show her how thin the floor is and she looked but was not interested. She claimed she complained to them, but actually the property manager came to her because I told them about her complaining and now banging on our head. She said if she complained again, he told her that he will file court papers.She claims that she feels for us but maybe we are being too soft on our kids and we need to try harder. She says that she deserves to have peace and that she has lived there longer, probably pays more than us and has never had to complain about any family living here.
I sought some advice from a family member who is a lawyer. She said ( as someone already said) I should send her a letter requesting that she stop stomping over our head and that we will cease any contact with her. She said I should explain again that we will do everything in our power to reasonably accommodate her, but if she has any complaints direct it to the office and not us. She said at this point, she is harassing us and she sees it is getting a ride out of us. She said that I should also send this letter to the office as well as one explaining again that we are doing what we can to keep to the vibration down, explaining again about our son's special need truly affect how he acts, understands instruction, etc. Lastly, she said during business hours we should lie our normal lives. After 10 pm, make sure they boys aren't making any crazy sounds (which we do) ans she said I should be ok.
I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I am punishing my sons for being at their developmental age. My stomach is in knots. It is clear that she doesn't care how we solve this so long as she is not disturbed. I want her to be comfortable, but it doesn't make sense how the boys can be felt from downstairs. Something has to be very wrong with the structure. Plus what can I do about a heavy-footed 20 month old? That is how many of them walk at this age. I can't let this make me sick because it's starting to get to me. I wish the office was more resourceful in this situation. If this keeps going on, we may not be here very long. Sad thing is we actually like living here.
Last edited by sweetljc; 09-01-2013 at 12:10 AM..
Reason: spelling error and need to clarify
Sooo, iinitially, my neighbor complained that this vibration/ shaking was all day and all night. then she changed it to say it is at night. Then she told the property manager that it happens at night when I am not home (I work 3 12 Hr shifts at night) Last night, she stomped over our head when my husband walked and sat down. It was about 9:30-10:00 PM. I knocked on her door and asked why she did that when no one is running or jumping. My oldest was resting next to me and the youngest was asleep. She claimed that the kids have been running since she was home. The thing is 1) When she came in from home, I was about to leave to take my grandmother home. I took our oldest son with us. My husband put our youngest son to bed about 20 minutes later. I am not sure what vibrations she is feeling. I tried to show her how thin the floor is and she looked but was not interested. She claimed she complained to them, but actually the property manager came to her because I told them about her complaining and now banging on our head. She said if she complained again, he told her that he will file court papers.She claims that she feels for us but maybe we are being too soft on our kids and we need to try harder. She says that she deserves to have peace and that she has lived there longer, probably pays more than us and has never had to complain about any family living here.
I sought some advice from a family member who is a lawyer. She said ( as someone already said) I should send her a letter requesting that she stop stomping over our head and that we will cease any contact with her. She said I should explain again that we will do everything in our power to reasonably accommodate her, but if she has any complaints direct it to the office and not us. She said at this point, she is harassing us and she sees it is getting a ride out of us. She said that I should also send this letter to the office as well as one explaining again that we are doing what we can to keep to the vibration down, explaining again about our son's special need truly affect how he acts, understands instruction, etc. Lastly, she said during business hours we should lie our normal lives. After 10 pm, make sure they boys aren't making any crazy sounds (which we do) ans she said I should be ok.
I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I am punishing my sons for being at their developmental age. My stomach is in knots. It is clear that she doesn't care how we solve this so long as she is not disturbed. I want her to be comfortable, but it doesn't make sense how the boys can be felt from downstairs. Something has to be very wrong with the structure. Plus what can I do about a heavy-footed 20 month old? That is how many of them walk at this age. I can't let this make me sick because it's starting to get to me. I wish the office was more resourceful in this situation. If this keeps going on, we may not be here very long. Sad thing is we actually like living here.
You should certainly write a letter regarding the last incident and send it to the property manager. If the woman is stomping around without apparent reason, that IS harassment, and should be addressed by the management.
I have friends with autistic children (mostly Asperger's), and some do better sleeping at night with some sort of sound. Me, I can't go to sleep unless I have some background noise, so usually use the TV on something boring, and the sleep timer shuts it off. Since your son falls asleep in the car, I wondered if he might sleep better with a white noise machine? Worth a thought, anyway.
You should certainly write a letter regarding the last incident and send it to the property manager. If the woman is stomping around without apparent reason, that IS harassment, and should be addressed by the management.
This isn't an issue about the neighbor stomping but about her apparently hearing the OP's children beneath her stomping which reverberates up into her unit. The easiest (and probably only) solution is to have management insist that the neighbor re-install carpeting in her unit which apparently is specified in the lease agreements. The noise would probably be muffled to a good degree. It may not but it would be a good start.
The ultimate solution is of course for the OP to move when her lease is up and find a single family home to rent.
This isn't an issue about the neighbor stomping but about her apparently hearing the OP's children beneath her stomping which reverberates up into her unit. The easiest (and probably only) solution is to have management insist that the neighbor re-install carpeting in her unit which apparently is specified in the lease agreements. The noise would probably be muffled to a good degree. It may not but it would be a good start.
The ultimate solution is of course for the OP to move when her lease is up and find a single family home to rent.
I think the issue has morphed a bit, since the woman is now apparently stomping in response to nonexistent noise. That's why I'd call it harassment.
I absolutely do agree that upstairs neighbor should be required to reinstall carpet - and, since she removed it without permission, likely have to pay for the carpet and installation - but carpet and pad will not do much to stifle "vibrations", only muffle sounds. Vibrations will come from the structure, and will be transmitted primarily through walls.
ETA: I wonder if the vibrations this woman claims to be feeling are coming from another source? If the kids are not in motion/not home when she claims to feel the vibrations, that's the next logical thought.
To bad you cant contact the previous tenant and ask them why they moved ..
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