Upstairs neighbor complains about vibrations from our apartment (eviction, noise, property)
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I think the issue has morphed a bit, since the woman is now apparently stomping in response to nonexistent noise. That's why I'd call it harassment.
You're probably right but I also wouldn't dismiss the noise as "non existent". As several people on this thread have pointed out, sounds and vibrations do travel upwards and can be just as annoying as those coming from above. I've experienced both equally. I absolutely sympathize with the OP's plight and the difficulties involved in having an autistic child but she does say that her child has problems sleeping and is often up until 4AM. It's not entirely impossible too that she's become rather immune to the noise the child makes and that's not at all uncommon. Hopefully it'll all work out one way or another!
I registered on this forum just to post a response about this situation. While I sympathize with the OP, I agree with others that noise from a downstairs apartment can and will travel up to the adjoining unit. We left an apartment when the neighbors below had a surround sound stereo system that would literally vibrate our furniture. That, along with slamming doors and screaming fits from their children, was all it took for us to buy-out the remainder of our lease. We're in a rental house now, which has been a much better fit all around. We get the mobility and maintenance-free benefits of renting while maintaining a somewhat private lifestyle without shared walls.
A long time ago I moved into an apartment that had an above unit. The young adult walked around upstairs in the same pattern non-stop for hours. My ceiling squeaked. After the third occurence, I went to talk with the upstairs neighbors. The parent explained the young adult lived with autism. The parent gave me a printout about autism that I read. The noise didn't bother me anymore.
You should certainly write a letter regarding the last incident and send it to the property manager. If the woman is stomping around without apparent reason, that IS harassment, and should be addressed by the management.
I have friends with autistic children (mostly Asperger's), and some do better sleeping at night with some sort of sound. Me, I can't go to sleep unless I have some background noise, so usually use the TV on something boring, and the sleep timer shuts it off. Since your son falls asleep in the car, I wondered if he might sleep better with a white noise machine? Worth a thought, anyway.
I think the issue has morphed a bit, since the woman is now apparently stomping in response to nonexistent noise. That's why I'd call it harassment.
I absolutely do agree that upstairs neighbor should be required to reinstall carpet - and, since she removed it without permission, likely have to pay for the carpet and installation - but carpet and pad will not do much to stifle "vibrations", only muffle sounds. Vibrations will come from the structure, and will be transmitted primarily through walls.
ETA: I wonder if the vibrations this woman claims to be feeling are coming from another source? If the kids are not in motion/not home when she claims to feel the vibrations, that's the next logical thought.
I want to share this article that gave a little insight on what works and what doesn't: Wood Flooring Noise Problems in Apartments | eHow. My floor has carpet covering wood. She has a hardwood floor. I really think it is the floor, particularly mine. When I came to do my walkthrough, the carpet was very damp and it was a moist day. Could that ruin the wood underneath? warping the wood where it is weak in some spots? I am just wondering; maybe I am grasping at straws.
You sound like a considerate person, who is bending over backward to be considerate to your neighbor. However, you and your family are entitled to live a normal life without having to accommodate the woman upstairs' unreasonable demands.
It sounds as though she's a little nutty, and you are a bit of a "pleaser". Why should her needs trump yours?
Perhaps you should just let your kids be themselves, without apology, and she will either get used to it, or move.
You're probably right but I also wouldn't dismiss the noise as "non existent". As several people on this thread have pointed out, sounds and vibrations do travel upwards and can be just as annoying as those coming from above. I've experienced both equally. I absolutely sympathize with the OP's plight and the difficulties involved in having an autistic child but she does say that her child has problems sleeping and is often up until 4AM. It's not entirely impossible too that she's become rather immune to the noise the child makes and that's not at all uncommon. Hopefully it'll all work out one way or another!
Just to clarify:
When our son is awake, we make him stay down in his bed. If he even tries to get up, we make him lay down. Most of the time he will watch TV. His medication calms him and 1/2 of the time, will cause him to sleep.We are certainly not immune to the noise, especially at night when we are dead tired.
The neighbor keeps saying over and over again that it is not the noise that bothers her. She has no issue with the noise. As far as moving goes, even if we moved, getting a house may not be in the budget next year. I hope that we don't have to move. But if we do, a duplex or townhome may be our best bet. We did well in one before in regards to noise and our boys playing because no one ever complained. But we moved to NJ for various reasons, which we don't regret.
Sweet, would it help if you go upstairs one evening when your boys and husband are downstairs going about a typical night to hear what she may be hearing? The only reason I am giving her a slight benefit of the doubt is because she has been there longer and this is her first complaint. My guess is if she was a busybody or troublemaker, others would have had the same issue with her. Since she appears to only have a problem with you, maybe there is a legitimate reason?
Either way, I hope you come to a peaceful resolution. Our downstairs neighbors were not agreeable and it turned into a big mess, which caused us to finally leave.
I kind of agree with (taraox), quite a lot, in fact I may go even further with it than they do.
I am NOT a jerk, I promise, but within the realm of my home, I have the right of reasonable quiet so that I can enjoy my property, and frankly, I don't give 2 rips that a neighbor's child is autistic, or "gifted," or "has special needs," blah blah blah. All I care about is that it's noisy in my home. That the noise is coming from a child with autism, or Asberger's, or they came from a broken home & has had a rough life, it doesn't make any difference to me, it isn't going to magically make the noise tolerable. If it's intolerable noise, it's intolerable noise. Period.
I think there's too much excusing noise for any number of reasons. The same goes for people with dogs that yap & yap & yap and they excuse it based on the supposed need to prevent burglaries, heck one person even claimed they NEEDED an animal because their therapist said the calming effect was psychologically necessary for her special needs. At some point, frankly, I think it's just making excuses for the fact that you're creating a lot of noise, whether on purpose or whether NOT on purpose, and not wanting the responsibility to just handle it already.
Don't misunderstand me, I am all for compassion for a person's situation & parents with autistic children have to live somewhere too, but asking me to be tolerant of unbearable noise just isn't appropriate. Besides, I have found, no matter where you live, people want to tell you that if something about the area bothers "then move." So--if you can't take apartment life wall-to-wall noise, then move to the country. BUT when you move to the country & then you STILL have noise from people homing 3052 hunting dogs that bark at everything, you're told "don't like it, then move to the city."
So either way, you're told to be tolerant of noise or move or get over it. That's just not acceptable.
Besides that, though, have you considered letting your child play OUTSIDE some? Take them to a park & let them run around a bit. Their special needs aside, there HAS to be an appropriate place like that where they can run around & burn off some energy yet be doing so in a far more acceptable atmosphere. Frankly, maybe I'm out-of-line, but to me even autistic children have to fit in to the environments they will be in where disruptions are not acceptable, versus society having to tolerate disruptions under the name of "compassion." Asking the rest of us to plug our ears & deal with the disruptions while someone plays a "special needs" card is, frankly, just rude. I know it's hard, I know you didn't ask for your child to be autistic, & a little compassion wouldn't kill a person I know, but at some point I can't help but feel compelled to reply "enough with the nonsense, your child is being disruptive, WHO CARES why, just handle it already." Our needs for a reasonably quiet & disruptive-free atmosphere don't magically vanish just because someone's child happens to have a medical diagnosis attributable to their behavior.
LRH
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