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However, I really don't think this is LL/Tenant issue and she's disguising her personal issues as such. I just want to be sure before I speak my mind upon my exit.
I strongly suggest you simply give notice and quietly just leave without speaking your mind. She doesn't have to say much about you if you want to use her as a reference. A simple "Absolutely not" answer to the question "Will you be willing to rent to her again" speaks more than a written referral.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mz_endre
Yes I am. I just live in an extremely EXPENSIVE metro area. Renting is just not ideal - so unnecessarily expensive unless you want to carry a taser 24-7
Clearly, my hand is being forced.
But he has been visiting me overnight for at least 8 months.
He's never in her home alone or in her space. Just downstairs with me and the baby.
I don't get the reference to the taser
Your hand is being forced because you are creating the problem. Your "guest" is not only coming over to visit but staying overnight. At least 2/3x a week. That alone goes way beyond a typical guest. You have excused every reply about your situation. In the short time you went from him coming over 3x a week to 3x but sometimes every once in a while to not always coming over sometimes won't come for weeks.
I bet if you took a small notepad and wrote every time your bf came over it will be a lot more than you think but probably a lot less than she thinks. Why? Because depending on your perspective in the situation everyone overestimates or underestimates for their own benefit.
She may be a Bicker Bickerson but you're absolutely not helping the situation with your shenanigans
Having your BF stay over an average of 3 x/week is way excessive.
For an example, the rental agreement I used contained this clause:
"Limits on Use and Occupancy. The premises are to be used only as a private residence for Tenants and any minors listed in Clause 2 of this Agreement, and for no other purpose without Landlord's prior written consent. Occupancy by guests for more than ten days in any six-month period is prohibited without Landlord's written consent and shall be considered a breach of this Agreement."
This is a standard rental agreement. I did not stick this clause in the contract to be a meanie. This is normal. More than this amount of time for a guest to stay over, is excessive by normal standards.
So, friend or no, jealous friend or no, you have seriously pushed the limits of both your landlord and friend by having the BF over so often.
And, BTW, if either your cell phone or your BF's cell phones are charging - that's more charging of cell phones than if it was only your cell phone that ever got charged there. You're wrong that his staying there and charging the cell phone, and using water to flush the toilet or to wash his hands, etc., is not impacting the utility bill.
IMO, you are justifying all of your actions.
And I think it was really tacky and weird that you included in you OP that your friend's/landlord's basement, that you have been happy to live in, is illegal. What does this have to do with anything?
I agree with the others that you should preserve the friendship as well as the landlord-tenant relationship. It's not unreasonable for her to ask you to cut back on the BF's overnight visits. In fact, she's been very generous about it.
I'm just trying to envision being her. Maybe she sees you getting involved with another guy she doesn't like, and has been hoping you would grow out of it. She's putting up with him practically living there. Then you announce you're going to marry the guy, and she can't stand the idea, but figures, it's your life. But, that was the point at which she said, well, I sure don't have to put up with the guy 3 nights a week anymore. She's done with you and bad relationships.
Just guessing. But, for whatever reason she's asking you to curb the BF's visits, her request is not unreasonable.
Ok. There is much more to the situation that I chose to omit but at the end of the day it IS HER basement.
I included all information that I thought would assist in the LL/Tenant issue which is why I mentioned the illegal part. Not to be tacky. Thanks.
She has no issue with my fiancé. She herself has said he's a blessing compared to her friend/my ex and a great guy. So that's not it. Thanks.
I didn't switch anything about how much he visits. A proper read of the original post will reveal that I said 3x is an AVERAGE over the course of a year. So that's spread out. Again, sometimes it's zero. Sometimes 2x. Sometimes he comes over when her own friend stays over. Never more than 14 days in a month. Never consecutive. Not an extra tenant. Plus 2 more flushes of a toilet and switching phones on a charger will NOT increase either bill. As I charge my phone all night regularly! Even when it's on 100%. Bad I know. But I'm good with cutting out lights and unplugging electronics.
I just wanted a feel regarding the legality of the issue. Believe that I DO want to preserve my friendship and the LL/tenant relationship (so I cut out all overnights). So I don't appreciate being made to seem like a nuisance or even a drama queen for ASKING a (I had hoped) more knowledgeable community about the situation from a LL side.
I see the general consensus, to which I have already acted in compliance, but I was wondering if I was just trying to be a good friend or a good tenant.
And the manipulative situations are OTHER things. I always realize too late. So I wanted to be sure this wasn't another!
I strongly suggest you simply give notice and quietly just leave without speaking your mind. She doesn't have to say much about you if you want to use her as a reference. A simple "Absolutely not" answer to the question "Will you be willing to rent to her again" speaks more than a written referral.
I don't get the reference to the taser
Your hand is being forced because you are creating the problem. Your "guest" is not only coming over to visit but staying overnight. At least 2/3x a week. That alone goes way beyond a typical guest. You have excused every reply about your situation. In the short time you went from him coming over 3x a week to 3x but sometimes every once in a while to not always coming over sometimes won't come for weeks.
I bet if you took a small notepad and wrote every time your bf came over it will be a lot more than you think but probably a lot less than she thinks. Why? Because depending on your perspective in the situation everyone overestimates or underestimates for their own benefit.
She may be a Bicker Bickerson but you're absolutely not helping the situation with your shenanigans
Lol @ shenanigans. Dear God. I don't think it's THAT serious. I hope not. When she came to me about I didn't even argue her down. The majority of her complaint about my fiancé visiting was in regards to morals but she tried to come up with the water bill to back it up. I called her bluff only about the shower part. Because he does NOT shower there. I know that is because of her toilet which had been leaking for weeks. And I'm fine with her coming me about his visits but never when substantiated by untruths. :-)
I'm no trouble maker. I've never intentionally tried to take advantage of our arrangement but like I said, all the other drama has just made me tired and alert about any attempts at manipulation coming from her direction. So okay, she is right this time. I thought as much so FaceTime it is until we close on our house.
Also, I provide free services for her and her daughter that I charge others substantial money for (to provide for my daughter). A business arrangement that was once mutually beneficial is fast becoming unbalanced, I guess I thought my fiancé (not several different men) visiting wouldn't be a huge deal in light of those things. Thought wrong. And I'm ok with that. I'm the type that would rather move and stay friends. Although it's sad to think it won't be as close as it once was. :-(
Having your BF stay over an average of 3 x/week is way excessive.
For an example, the rental agreement I used contained this clause:
"Limits on Use and Occupancy. The premises are to be used only as a private residence for Tenants and any minors listed in Clause 2 of this Agreement, and for no other purpose without Landlord's prior written consent. Occupancy by guests for more than ten days in any six-month period is prohibited without Landlord's written consent and shall be considered a breach of this Agreement."
This is a standard rental agreement. I did not stick this clause in the contract to be a meanie. This is normal. More than this amount of time for a guest to stay over, is excessive by normal standards.
So, friend or no, jealous friend or no, you have seriously pushed the limits of both your landlord and friend by having the BF over so often.
And, BTW, if either your cell phone or your BF's cell phones are charging - that's more charging of cell phones than if it was only your cell phone that ever got charged there. You're wrong that his staying there and charging the cell phone, and using water to flush the toilet or to wash his hands, etc., is not impacting the utility bill.
IMO, you are justifying all of your actions.
And I think it was really tacky and weird that you included in you OP that your friend's/landlord's basement, that you have been happy to live in, is illegal. What does this have to do with anything?
I agree with the others that you should preserve the friendship as well as the landlord-tenant relationship. It's not unreasonable for her to ask you to cut back on the BF's overnight visits. In fact, she's been very generous about it.
I'm just trying to envision being her. Maybe she sees you getting involved with another guy she doesn't like, and has been hoping you would grow out of it. She's putting up with him practically living there. Then you announce you're going to marry the guy, and she can't stand the idea, but figures, it's your life. But, that was the point at which she said, well, I sure don't have to put up with the guy 3 nights a week anymore. She's done with you and bad relationships.
Just guessing. But, for whatever reason she's asking you to curb the BF's visits, her request is not unreasonable.
And I said she is friends with my ex. You misread.
I just wanted a feel regarding the legality of the issue.
I think you misread this clause:
"Limits on Use and Occupancy. The premises are to be used only as a private residence for Tenants and any minors listed in Clause 2 of this Agreement, and for no other purpose without Landlord's prior written consent. Occupancy by guests for more than ten days in any six-month period is prohibited without Landlord's written consent and shall be considered a breach of this Agreement."
More than 10 days in a 6 month period is not allowed without written permission. This is not consecutive days. This is 10 days TOTAL in 6 months.
So, purely from a legal standpoint, from a former apartment manager who used a standard California contract with the above clause for 8 years...
Your landlord is being very generous in only asking you to cut back from 3 visits per week. From a legal standpoint, she could say he can't come over anymore at all, or she could give you notice to move for breaching the agreement - using my contract.
At 3 visits per week x 6 months, he'd have been there 72 nights. My lease would have allowed him to be there for 10.
Easy math. Your landlord is well within her rights, and in fact, is being extremely generous - from a legal standpoint.
Excuses after excuses.. You have your answer/reason for everything.
You know.. a landlord/tenant relationship is business and should be balance (both feel that they are getting a benefit). When it starts to swing one way (it's apparent which way it's swinging), it's time to part.
Like I stated. You don't like it there.. Move.. heck.. you don't even have to give your notices cause chances are she isn't going to be able to go after you. On the other hand, you have some protection if she decides to throw you out tomorrow.
Your responses so far speaks just the "me me me " attitude
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