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My MIL has been out of work for 7 years, due to many things. She’s been physically able to work, but she was getting by on her husbands disability pay and then his life insurance policy. This isn’t a post where I am bashing her, I’m just giving some vague info. She is a narcissist and an alcoholic, and dropped out in 9th grade. A lot of this is blamed on her parents, but that’s not the issue here.
She was foreclosed on when her husband developed cancer and couldn’t work. She stayed home to take care of him and refused to go back to work once he became more independent again (brain cancer) Once they lost their house, they went to live in a hotel for the next 2 years. They barely afforded the rent, but my mother in law still refused to work. She spent his disability on her addictions and fell deeper into her alcoholism and narcissism. When her husband died, his $25k life insurance policy allowed her to stay in the hotel another 10 months. From there, she moved back home at 55 and found a job. She also was able to qualify for an apartment thanks to help from the government for emergency assistance. Here’s where it gets bad:
The apartment is $1150 per month, and it’s pretty nice. She is currently taking home $690 every 2 weeks. The apartment states you need 3x income to rent, but she’s miles away from that. I feel like she’s going to be evicted, and at that point it’s game over for someone her age who doesn’t make much money and has brutal credit.
The apartment in question is right across the street from her work (she has never driven a car and refuses to learn), so that is a major selling point. I found her apartments 2 miles away for $300 less per month, but she won’t even consider it.
Should I sit back and just let it all blow up in her face? She’s taking home $1380 per month, and her rent is $1150. That is 83% of her take home, which is completely unheard of.
I told my wife she will eventually be evicted and at that point no apartment will consider her. It’ll be on us or my wife’s sibling.
1 - If she qualified for the apartment when she moved in, why is her income an issue now. Does she have a lease? How much longer does the lease have to run? Is there something in the lease that states she has to maintain an income level?
2 - I agree with her that moving 2 miles away from work is unwise. The $300 per month savings will be more than eaten up with transportation costs.
3 - Why isn't she collecting on her husband's social security?
4 - Why hasn't she applied for Supplemental Security Income (SSI).
5 - Bottom line, I think your wife and her sibling may have to resign themselves to contributing to their mother's support and should be planning ahead for it.
That 30% is Not a Hard fast rule. They Wont evict her unless she Doesn't pay the rent. How do you expect her to get to work? Transportation will Eat that Rent saved of $300 less in No Time. Who will make car payments upkeep & gas? Not everyone Wants to drive...or can pass the tests. Stop forcing your values on her & Except that she is at least getting on her feet.
1 - If she qualified for the apartment when she moved in, why is her income an issue now. Does she have a lease? How much longer does the lease have to run? Is there something in the lease that states she has to maintain an income level?
2 - I agree with her that moving 2 miles away from work is unwise. The $300 per month savings will be more than eaten up with transportation costs.
3 - Why isn't she collecting on her husband's social security?
4 - Why hasn't she applied for Supplemental Security Income (SSI).
5 - Bottom line, I think your wife and her sibling may have to resign themselves to contributing to their mother's support and should be planning ahead for it.
She’s a liar, so there is no way to verify what actually happened. She went in telling them she had emergency assistance program money to help pay her rent. Unfortunately for her, they won’t help because this apartment is $100 more per month than their maximum allowable price.
2. She can walk to work when it’s warm, and take the bus in the colder months. Surely this is worth saving $3600 per year.
3. She is 55 and said she needs to be 60 to collect his ssi
4. She applied and was on government cash allowance, free phone and ebt
5. Their mother is a cold and ruthless person. I’m not bashing her, but neither child feels close to her after years of emotional abuse and domestic violence at home.
That 30% is Not a Hard fast rule. They Wont evict her unless she Doesn't pay the rent. How do you expect her to get to work? Transportation will Eat that Rent saved of $300 less in No Time. Who will make car payments upkeep & gas? Not everyone Wants to drive...or can pass the tests. Stop forcing your values on her & Except that she is at least getting on her feet.
She doesn’t drive and never has. Her transport would be a pretty cheap bus pass. I guess I’m sick of her messing up and then having her guilt my wife into giving her money. Why should her incompetence fall on her kids? Are they indebted to her for life?
2. She can walk to work when it’s warm, and take the bus in the colder months. Surely this is worth saving $3600 per year.
How long do you think it would take her to Walk 2 miles? On my Scooter that goes 5 miles per hour jogging speed it takes 90 mins! Would you really want her to have Heat Stroke!
5. Their mother is a cold and ruthless person. I’m not bashing her, but neither child feels close to her after years of emotional abuse and domestic violence at home.
Blame the woman for this! REALLY.... Kids Don't need to help her... Don't sound like they did anything in the past to help her Now YOU want to mess up her life that SHE managed to re-build or put her in a Grave! You are the COLD & Ruthless one!
2. She can walk to work when it’s warm, and take the bus in the colder months. Surely this is worth saving $3600 per year.
How long do you think it would take her to Walk 2 miles? On my Scooter that goes 5 miles per hour jogging speed it takes 90 mins! Would you really want her to have Heat Stroke!
5. Their mother is a cold and ruthless person. I’m not bashing her, but neither child feels close to her after years of emotional abuse and domestic violence at home.
Blame the woman for this! REALLY.... Kids Don't need to help her... Don't sound like they did anything in the past to help her Now YOU want to mess up her life that SHE managed to re-build or put her in a Grave! You are the COLD & Ruthless one!
I spared the details of the many, many times my MIL has squandered opportunities for herself. So am I just supposed to bail her out when she inevitably can’t pay her rent?
Her rent is over 80% of her take home pay. This should be ILLEGAL! She will be surviving on $8 per day. I get it that we sound like the cold people, but she is not some poor innocent woman just trying to get back on her feet. She’s a manipulative, immature woman who makes every decision based on emotions. That’s a recipe for disaster.
Sorry to hear of your predicament OP, what does your wife say, is she sympathetic to the MIL here, would she go along with giving her a monthly stipend, have her move in, how far do you think it would go from your wife's perspective?
$300 divided by 22 working days is about $13.60, that's plenty of money for a bus.
Are utilities included? The little she has left over might be eaten up pretty good there.
I don't believe she will be evicted, as another has said unless she stops paying rent, I wouldn't let it be known her income is so tight either, and she might just squeak by as long as she can maintain her food stamps.
She drinks etc, I know it's not much consolation, but at least her riding so close to the edge might make her curtail that.
That's an awful place to be in at 55, the easiest solution is for her to find a cheaper place, indeed.
Sorry to hear of your predicament OP, what does your wife say, is she sympathetic to the MIL here, would she go along with giving her a monthly stipend, have her move in, how far do you think it would go from your wife's perspective?
$300 divided by 22 is about $13.60, that's plenty of money for a bus.
Are utilities included? The little she has left over might be eaten up pretty good there.
I don't believe she will be evicted, as another has said unless she stops paying rent, I wouldn't let it be known her income is so tight either, and she might just squeak by as long as she can maintain her food stamps.
She drinks etc, I know it's not much consolation, but at least her riding so close to the edge might make her curtail her consumption.
That's an awful place to be in at 55, the easiest solution is for her to find a cheaper place, indeed.
Good luck in any event!
Thx
I’m thinking ahead that she will be evicted due to the fact she’s got zero margin for error. The place claims to require 3x income to rent, but somehow took her in. I think that is doing her a disservice more than anything. All utilities are included, but she has $231 left over to live on, and $50 goes to her phone bill. I found her plenty of cheaper places, and even suggested renting a room. This apartment is newly remodeled, so she wants it due to emotional reasons. I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve a place to live, but someone paying over 80% of their income in rent is completely screwed if they get the flu and miss 2-3 days of work. She’s literally going to have $6 per day to eat and cover all of her bills after paying rent and her phone. It makes me feel dizzy to even imagine that. A $500 rented room is not acceptable to her. Champagne taste with a beer budget.
I’m thinking ahead that she will be evicted due to the fact she’s got zero margin for error. The place claims to require 3x income to rent, but somehow took her in. I think that is doing her a disservice more than anything. All utilities are included, but she has $231 left over to live on, and $50 goes to her phone bill. I found her plenty of cheaper places, and even suggested renting a room. This apartment is newly remodeled, so she wants it due to emotional reasons. I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve a place to live, but someone paying over 80% of their income in rent is completely screwed if they get the flu and miss 2-3 days of work. She’s literally going to have $6 per day to eat and cover all of her bills after paying rent and her phone. It makes me feel dizzy to even imagine that. A $500 rented room is not acceptable to her. Champagne taste with a beer budget.
It sounds like she is just going to have to learn the hard way.
And God help her if the rent goes up.
I guess she just has no fear of living so close to the edge...?
The MIL is several years younger than I, and I can remember some of the young people from the 80s, the "me-generation" and what will it be like when those folks get to be 55 and up.
(Which of course has no real bearing here with your MIL, just me thinking out loud.)
It does sound though that she is not willing to make reasonable changes in order to get a little more financially secure, (to say the least)
And speaking for myself, I would not be willing to help such an unreasonable person, a temporary, one-time loan for a deposit to move with etc is one thing, but supporting her under these expectations would be unreasonable as well...
55 is not "young," but not elderly either, perhaps she still has a few life lessons to learn.
Thx
Last edited by Thx-1138; 07-07-2019 at 01:56 AM..
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