Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Our kids (2) and grandkids (5) currently live in two locations, about 500-miles from us. Our daughter works full-time from home and also currently watches two small children 1 & 2. My wife anxiously wants to move nearer to our daughter/husband and kids -- so she can be a 'closer' grandmother (as hers was when she grew up). They also want us closer, and are unlikely to move in the future.
I would also like to be closer, but have a number of concerns: (1) Selling our current house in a down market, vs buying a 2nd home and hoping things work out; (2) Retiring from an area where we have lived for the past 25 years (no other relatives in the area) ... to a new area where we would need to build a new 'network'; (3) The area they live in is more expensive, packed with tourists, high-traffic, colder and less appealing.
I think my wife is responding emotionally to what she imagines will become the 'small town life' she grew-up with ... which I do not believe is going to simply 'happen.' However, she is pretty committed to a move and doesn't really want to deal with the 'other issues'.
What has been your experience with this situation ... and what recommendations can you offer? -- Thanks!
Our kids (2) and grandkids (5) currently live in two locations, about 500-miles from us. Our daughter works full-time from home and also currently watches two small children 1 & 2. My wife anxiously wants to move nearer to our daughter/husband and kids -- so she can be a 'closer' grandmother (as hers was when she grew up). They also want us closer, and are unlikely to move in the future.
I would also like to be closer, but have a number of concerns: (1) Selling our current house in a down market, vs buying a 2nd home and hoping things work out; (2) Retiring from an area where we have lived for the past 25 years (no other relatives in the area) ... to a new area where we would need to build a new 'network'; (3) The area they live in is more expensive, packed with tourists, high-traffic, colder and less appealing.
I think my wife is responding emotionally to what she imagines will become the 'small town life' she grew-up with ... which I do not believe is going to simply 'happen.' However, she is pretty committed to a move and doesn't really want to deal with the 'other issues'.
What has been your experience with this situation ... and what recommendations can you offer? -- Thanks!
One of my grown kids just got married and will have children in a few years. After checking out warmer climates and realizing the brutal summers there, I concluded that there's no point to letting your life be guided by climate. For me, my life will be guided by being as close as possible to the family that I created, as life is short and the decades are flying. What personal pleasure in a "nice climate" and its amenities if in our remaining years we are not near family? How can our grandkids really be part of our lives if we don't live near them? But that's just my values, which share with your DW. Mayb it's a mother thing. But trust me, you can afford to live there if you scale back your lifestyle needs....that is, if you can. Materialism means less and less to me as long as I have any kind of roof over my head, can eat, and can be with the kids that I hope will come along some day.
What see might find is that you become a burden to your kids basically if the move isn't feasible other than just want.I would thuink that your kids should be talked to about just what this would mean in your situation.
To me people count more than weather or cost. Being closer to kids and grandkids who want to have you around cannot be replaced.
It may be temporarily inconvenient, such as renting a place until your place sells, or renting out your current place until the market picks up a bit, but the tradeoff is a no-brainer to me.
Nothing makes a move work better than a positive attitude, nothing else comes close.
wow I moved to get away from the wife,kids,and grandkids........seems grandpa was expected to buy new cars for the less fortunate grand kids...............oh I miss them sooooo........they do visit and after two or three days ...I remember why I moved away!
If my parents had tried to move in order to be closer to me, they would have needed to make a lot of moves. I changed jobs several times and also had job transfers. Within 10 years, we lived in Cleveland, Little Rock, Kansas City, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Phoenix. Afterwards, we only moved one more time and have stayed in the same location for 21 years. If you want to move closer to the kids, be sure they are not likely to move and also be sure they really want you that close and involved. Mother in law jokes are not cliches by accident.
If my parents had tried to move in order to be closer to me, they would have needed to make a lot of moves. I changed jobs several times and also had job transfers. Within 10 years, we lived in Cleveland, Little Rock, Kansas City, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Phoenix. Afterwards, we only moved one more time and have stayed in the same location for 21 years. If you want to move closer to the kids, be sure they are not likely to move and also be sure they really want you that close and involved. Mother in law jokes are not cliches by accident.
Great point! Not a good idea to follow your kids as they move, it may never end. But if at least one is likely to stay put, that may be the best bet. The main thing is not to be an interfering parent/grandparent, or too overbearing in our views. This can cause rifts, misunderstandings and tension. The hardest thing may be to stand by and watch your kids parent their kids, after all, we were the greatest parents , and it's easy for us to judge. Keeping a healthy distance even if close by is a good idea. Living maybe an hour away is best, so drop-ins don't tend to happen.
When it comes down to it for me, being around family is the most important. My parents didn't have much at the end but they had their family all around - within 15 minutes - and we are all connected because of them. Now, that my mom is gone, I realize it's some work but so worth it in the long run.
There may be some that don't want to be around family as much but we enjoyed each other - my mom had a couple of rules - (1) if you can't say something nice, don't say it and (2) the Golden Rule - do onto others....we learned from an early age to keep things to ourselves and not gossip about so and so and you know, years later, it does help.
I know you're in Florida as I am and I'm not good with cold weather but even with the cold, I would want to be closer.
However, if you could, keep your Florida home - it might be a great place for those grandkids to visit someday. You never know - and you could snowbird.
Can't the grandkids come live with you until they are old enough for school? Once school starts and they have a steady schedule, they won't require such constant supervision.
Five hundred miles away is not that incredibly far; you can drive more often. Or, can't your wive stay with them for extended periods of time?
We used to be close to the kids but led busy lives with a demanding schedule so we did not see them that often. I did not want us to be a default sitter for the grandchildren, the cheap handyman, mechanic, or restaurant.
We moved to a place we would rather live and have found it is a bit of a compromise... we see the family less than we would want sometimes, slant a little too much travel to see them (now three different parts of the country), but all of us enjoy the separation most of the time.
Ii is probably different for each family.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.....seems grandpa was expected to buy new cars for the less fortunate grand kids.......
........oh I miss them sooooo....
....they do visit and after two or three days ...I remember why I moved away!
, and it's easy for us to judge. Keeping a healthy distance even if close by is a good idea. Living maybe an hour away is best, so drop-ins don't tend to happen.
Moving closer to relatives
