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I am one of those who moved from warmer climate (Tucson) to colder climate of Northeastern lower Michigan when I retired 6.5 years ago. The reason I did this was because I wanted to be closer to area where I could fly fish for trout. We moved to a small town and live on the outskirts, basically in the country. Neighbors are not close, nor very friendly. Two of the last three winters have been very tough, with lots of snow and cold -certainly not unexpected. We have a house that is too big for us and requires too much maintenance. I told my wife when we moved here, that this would probably not be the last move, since at some point in time I would once again get tired of the snow and cold and would want to spend the remaining days of my life in a warmer climate.
Now here is the problem. My wife likes it here (she doesn't have to shovel snow) and has formed many friendships. I have few friends and most of the people I know well live 50 to 100 miles away. We have discussed my desire to move away again and she GETS TIRED OF THE SAME DISCUSSION EVERY WINTER, and has told me to put the house up for sale and stop complaining, but I know that her heart is not in that statement. She wants to see me happier. With the housing market the way it is and the location in the state, it could take a couple of years to sell this place. We would both like to be closer to grandkids, but they are widely distributed in PA, FL, and Switzerland. None of these are desirable places for us to live. She has said she would go back to Tucson, but with its illegal immigrant problems and potential future water problems and its extra distance from family, I don't think it is practical. My wife hates Florida and humidity. We have travelled extensively( visited all 50 states at one time or another) so we have some idea what different parts of the country are like.
For me it is boiling down to one of two possibilities: 1) I have an affinity for what "Retirement Places Rated" calls the "Southern Highlands" which is western VA & NC, northern GA and SC, eastern KY & TN. The problem is that I have never lived in a climate that was this humid and so I am not quite sure how this would go over. I just cannot id any other areas in this country that I would like to live in. 2) Grin and bear the cold & snow and move to a smaller house in this area or closer to the area where I fish, about 80 miles west.
I am looking for comments from other on how to confront this situation. I know that some will probably say that I am selfish and want to please only me and to be more to my spouse, but is that suppose to me that I remain unhappy for the rest of my life? Anyway, thoughts and ideas would be appreciated.
I would take her at her word and put the house up for sale. If you want to move badly enough, get the house in good shape and lower the price. Two years is a long time to wait.
As to where to go, that is a problem. If your wife compromises enough to move out of Michigan, could you compromise and go to a part of the country she likes? Is there any part of Arizona you could tolerate?
Sell the house asap, as Riverbird says, buy a condo in one of the states you mentioned, and a cheap, cheap cabin in a place you can fish. Fishing has its points, but there seems to be a lot more to life than that (?)
The winters north are tough, I understand and sympathize. No way would I live rural in the north without someone much younger to help.
seems like you've got 2 issues-dealing with snow alone, and no friends.
As for the snow, she can help. Honest! I'm 62 and I can shovel, bad back and all. Yea, it's no fun, but I do it. So let her help.
and wondering why the no-friend thing. Would moving change that? Who was it that said 'wherever you go, there you are'?. have you joined a group of some kind? Invited someone to go fishing with you? Volunteered some time?
I'm thinking, since she likes it there so much, maybe you could work at it a little more.
PHhippo, no friend means no real close friends. I have invited some to fish with me, but there was no "clicking". It was an experiment. I like to like the people the people I am around and not just be around someone to fish with. I think you might know what I mean. As for volunteering, I do volunteeer with 3 river and watershed conservation and preservation organization and that is where I have met the only people that I enjoy being around. One organization has no fisherman, that is my local watershed. fisherman are in the organizations that are 50-100 miles away, so I travel as necessary to participate, tough in the winter. That is why my option two to move to another location in Mi. Moving certainly wouldn't change the friend thing, but it would be nice to live nearer people that were more like me, where I could walk to store, walk to get a cup of coffee, hop on my bike and get on nice bike trail, go to a movie anytime (we have one theater and limited movies). Plus, what is wrong with wanting to experience a different part of the county other than just drive through?
As for wife shoveling, not really physically able. We agree - she is insdie work, I am outside work.
newenglandgirl, you are right. There is more to life than fishing and it is really only doable where I live from May to September before season closes, and May to early June is really the best of all. Often times I find myself driving the 50 miles to my location, only to wonder why I do this, especially if fishing is bad. A couple of years ago I built a river boat so I could float the river for better fishing. This requires me to commit about 8-10 hours a day each time I do this, so I am really committed once I start floating down the river and that's when my mind starts wandering. I have to start float in early afternoon and good fishing isn't until dark. Floating allows me fish areas that are hard for other to reach. I do this with the blessing of my wife though. She has no complaints. To me though, it is that there must be more to life than just this, that is why I joined the conservation organizations.
Nothing trumps fishing and getting that big snook, walleye, or whatever is sustainable... with one exception, your wife.
You can do it all if you settle for less, less space, less friends for her. My goodness, I do wish you the best of luck.
Anyway is there any chance that you can get your wife into fishing? You know, a little picnic basket on the boat or the pier to soften things up? Maybe get some pinfish to get her going? Just another 2 cents.
Nothing trumps fishing and getting that big snook, walleye, or whatever is sustainable... with one exception, your wife.
You can do it all if you settle for less, less space, less friends for her. My goodness, I do wish you the best of luck.
Anyway is there any chance that you can get your wife into fishing? You know, a little picnic basket on the boat or the pier to soften things up? Maybe get some pinfish to get her going? Just another 2 cents.
I think he's suffering from the harsh winter weather and isolation. His wife going fishing probably won't solve anything as they age. I still vote for the smaller house or condo in an easy place to get around, and a tiny dilapidated fishing cabin on a wild river somewhere.
Sell the monster house you have now and buy a smaller one. Take the money you make on the sale and buy a small mobile home in a "retirement park" somewhere warmer.
Spend six months there and six months in Michigan.
Riverbird, AZ is either Phoenix area, Tucson and mountainous areas that are just as bad a here. She hates Phoenix area, so I guess AZ not really a good option. If I was rich enough to have two homes I could make it work, but I am not and besides I wouldn't want that hassle.
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