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The one thing I did not want to do when I became an adult, was not too have a bunch of kids.....I ran with a kid down the block, he had 5 brothers and sisters, they had to label their cloths ! Sharing was a fact of life , I always thought they were short changed.......I had more toys ! Today there are 3 of them living, the kid I ran with died last year at 78 or 79 . I was younger. We drifted apart never connected for 60 years.......then I went to his funeral last year...
I said the same upthread. I always pictured myself with four. Never thought I'd have only one.
I had three kids in four years and nine months and sort of felt that they might have gotten shortchanged having my time, attention and resources divided three ways. I have wondered if it's better to have just one and pour everything into that one kid. I do think my kids appreciate having siblings though. I have a granddaughter who is an only child and she demands adult attention at all times.
The one thing I did not want to do when I became an adult, was not too have a bunch of kids.....I ran with a kid down the block, he had 5 brothers and sisters, they had to label their cloths ! Sharing was a fact of life , I always thought they were short changed.......I had more toys ! Today there are 3 of them living, the kid I ran with died last year at 78 or 79 . I was younger. We drifted apart never connected for 60 years.......then I went to his funeral last year...
I come from a family twice that size. We had our own set of towels according to color -
I never felt short changed. Loved it. Even in the early 60s my oldest brother was able to go to college. And any of us that wanted that - they would try to get for us. I'm amazed how kids i grew up with that had more money led such short changed lives. It all depends on the parents. I had great parents.
I come from a family twice that size. We had our own set of towels according to color -
I never felt short changed. Loved it. Even in the early 60s my oldest brother was able to go to college. And any of us that wanted that - they would try to get for us. I'm amazed how kids i grew up with that had more money led such short changed lives. It all depends on the parents. I had great parents.
There is a fact undisputed, when you were an only child the differences you experienced with neighborhood kids that came from a large family were at times dramatic ! My friends down the street did have to be more aggressive ,sort of a survival thing. I remember when we first moved into the neighborhood it was not long before those my age took over my toys quickly ! Peddlecar they nearly wore it out, what ever it was, they seemed sorta desperate. ...another thing they were not often called for supper out the back door like I was. I think they ate in shifts, or had to make due with whatever was in the kitchen. Their mother never seemed very friendly, mostly tired and worn out sitting at a dining table piled high with books, magazines and newspapers.. I never did see them all sitting down together for a family dinner. Still they all grew up not much differently than other kids like myself when adulthood came a reality.......thinking about it now none of them had more than 2 children, some none.
Having children just because you can is a poor excuse. There are way too many kids out there that are not cared for properly, little or no planing. It is possible that our regrets in our senior years about wishing you did not have had kids maybe so because of poor planing at the time .
My point was that as we ( childless) folks grow older our preferences do change . When I was 35 ,single living the good life in suburban Chicago, and in a singles complex ,plenty of change in my wallet . Sport cars was my prefrence, like a dream life so many could only wish for.........then move forward to today,in my 70’, good health,a nice lady ( did not wants kids ether ) who makes tons of money, life is good,sort of, and yes I do regret not having a normal life with kids and grandchildren............
And the minute we try to define what a normal life is...... there are many other people who will disagree.
I think the stories of those of us who struggled with infertility are coming out and people are realizing there is no normal. I do know that my nieces and nephews are also re-defining normal as their careers (it does take two incomes now) dictate how many children they can afford. Future generations will put those definitions to test as well.
Then again - thinking outside the box of what is normal - opens up so many possibilities in life.
And the minute we try to define what a normal life is...... there are many other people who will disagree.
I think the stories of those of us who struggled with infertility are coming out and people are realizing there is no normal. I do know that my nieces and nephews are also re-defining normal as their careers (it does take two incomes now) dictate how many children they can afford. Future generations will put those definitions to test as well.
Then again - thinking outside the box of what is normal - opens up so many possibilities in life.
What you say makes me take a second look.........maybe the life I lived was not so far from “ normal” than I thought. I have a niece who lives in a nice hi rise lake view city condo ,is now 31 and has no interest in marriage or children. Her brother a few years younger seems to be following her lead. .....I always thought I had missed a major young adult social life by not going to college and getting married at 20 . Time adjusted the life cycle with 2 wife’s and then having my wild and free goodtimes at 32. Children would have been a hindrance , also I only dated one gal who had kids,( one date only ) those 12 years and when I settled down with third wife , part of the deal was NO KIDs ! So now in my late seventies looking back I do not regret the suburban,two kids lifestyle. What I do wonder about however Is what it would be like to have grandchildren.
I have no kids, and I have no regrets. But that's not what THIS thread is about.
I remember asking my mom when she was in her 60's, if she had it to do over, would she have had kids? She said she would never say that she didn't want even one of us kids, because she loved us all so much as individuals, but that if she could go back and somehow change it, she wouldn't have had so many (5, over a 14 year span, plus 2 late term miscarriages). I would also say that she had much less choice in the matter than one would think. She was married extremely young (15) to a man 7 years older, and in those days there was no birth control, and she wouldn't even have known about it if there was (old school fundamentalist religious family). So she had the children she was given, and unfortunately ended up single after divorce, and worked her azz off her whole life trying to support us, and then herself. She was completely worn out by 60, and died at 65. I turn 60 next month, and I'm spending a bit of time these days contrasting our two lives, and it's so painful to remember her (our) struggles.
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