Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with what you're saying to Avalon here. If the last two years I'd been invited to dinner at a friend's home for the holidays, I would think that in the spirit of reciprocity and sharing, it would be my turn to do the dinner, and plan it early enough to invite people before they made other plans. Friendship is a two way street and now that they are no longer strangers in their new place, it's time to be on the giving end of the relationships.
Excellent points. For people like me who don't know how to cook (my cooking is so bad Betty Crocker once threw a rock though my window, but at least I've been making some money off my cooking as the Indians are coming from the Amazon to dip their arrows in it) and are divorced and live alone, having people over for dinner is a non-starter and most of my friends and relatives realize that.
But reciprocity at other times of the year (as in treating people to a meal out) is in order, even if it's no absolute guarantee of anything. There was some other thread recently discussing all this (being alone at Christmas) but I think it was in Psychology or Non-Romantic Relationships, not in the Retirement Forum.
While I am fortunate to be invited to a wonderful semi-formal Christmas dinner party as an annual tradition, I have found myself "alone" at Thanksgiving the past three years. The solution was to invite a former cycling buddy from the bicycle club out to a restaurant. Even though it wasn't quite the same as a long day in the bosom of family, it was enjoyable for both of us and we weren't alone all day.
Excellent points. For people like me who don't know how to cook (my cooking is so bad Betty Crocker once threw a rock though my window, but at least I've been making some money off my cooking as the Indians are coming from the Amazon to dip their arrows in it) and are divorced and live alone, having people over for dinner is a non-starter and most of my friends and relatives realize that.
But reciprocity at other times of the year (as in treating people to a meal out) is in order, even if it's no absolute guarantee of anything. There was some other thread recently discussing all this (being alone at Christmas) but I think it was in Psychology or Non-Romantic Relationships, not in the Retirement Forum.
While I am fortunate to be invited to a wonderful semi-formal Christmas dinner party as an annual tradition, I have found myself "alone" at Thanksgiving the past three years. The solution was to invite a former cycling buddy from the bicycle club out to a restaurant. Even though it wasn't quite the same as a long day in the bosom of family, it was enjoyable for both of us and we weren't alone all day.
Right, I am not a cook either and would certainly not attempt to make a holiday meal for guests, but I did contribute a rather complicated (and delicious) dessert when I went to dinner at their home, along with an expensive bottle of dessert liqueur.
And while I have not had people over for "dinner", I just had 24 of the "girls" over to my house for drinks and a Pollyanna gift exchange (the kind where you steal and it's a lot of laughs). So it's not like I haven't tried to reciprocate in my own way. But maybe I should have invited the "holiday host" couples out to dinner at a restaurant to show my appreciation.
EscortRider, I thought you were married! Anyway, yes, it would have been nice to invite a single friend out to dinner, but every one of them either has family here or was invited somewhere. Well, at least it worked out in the end and I am off to dinner at the friends' home who did invite me.
We made a mistake in our first post-retirement move.
We had been living in a quintessential New England village that we loved but were tired of the extreme winters and humid summers. We were originally from the west but didn't want to move back to California. So we picked Santa Fe, New Mexico thinking the stimulating culture, the great weather, the outdoor activities, and healthy lifestyle would be perfect. We stayed a few years but got so tired of the extreme dryness, frustrating gardening, water shortages and drought, the lack of community (it's a very transient town), difficulty making friends, the geographical isolation, and the serious CRIME -- we had never lived where there was so much criminal activity before. My husband was mugged and robbed and almost all our friends had some bad burglary or criminal experience. We realized how naive we were, and how much we missed the small villages of New England.
So after a few years and lots of exploring, we picked Charottesville, VA which has ended up perfect for us. It fulfilled most of what we missed from New England without the severe weather. It's historic villages and pastoral farms are just as gorgeous and enchanting as New England with lots of rural options and small villages just minutes from downtown. We have every cultural amenity imaginable plus world class medical. And it's very easy to make friends here.
So even though we made an expensive first-moving mistake, it taught us what our real priorities were.
We certainly don't regret our move after retirement. Wanted to get out of PA because of estate taxes. We have no children, we struggled about paying 15% of our estate to PA when the last of the two of us died. Couldn't afford to go back to NJ (where we were raised). I had moved around as a youngster, so moving to me was always an adventure. We've made friends, have gotten involved in groups and organizations, volunteer for events in the community and enjoy living in a large college/university town/environment. We looked casually for several years (planning to eventually move here was in our 5 year plan). Both of us found part time, flexible hours jobs where we can make our own schedule. DH is an only child, and not close to any of his cousins. We ended up moving closer to my relatives, so we have extended family nearby. Most of the friends we had in PA had moved there at the same time we had 23 years ago (job transfer) and had moved on after retirement~so our pool of acquaintances had dwindled. We never felt like we found our niche in our town in PA, so leaving wasn't heartbreaking.
We certainly don't regret our move after retirement. Wanted to get out of PA because of estate taxes. We have no children, we struggled about paying 15% of our estate to PA when the last of the two of us died. Couldn't afford to go back to NJ (where we were raised). I had moved around as a youngster, so moving to me was always an adventure. We've made friends, have gotten involved in groups and organizations, volunteer for events in the community and enjoy living in a large college/university town/environment. We looked casually for several years (planning to eventually move here was in our 5 year plan). Both of us found part time, flexible hours jobs where we can make our own schedule. DH is an only child, and not close to any of his cousins. We ended up moving closer to my relatives, so we have extended family nearby. Most of the friends we had in PA had moved there at the same time we had 23 years ago (job transfer) and had moved on after retirement~so our pool of acquaintances had dwindled. We never felt like we found our niche in our town in PA, so leaving wasn't heartbreaking.
That's interesting -- the compelling reason for your move out of PA was estate taxes, yet you have no children....just wondering why the taxes on the estate would be a big concern. In fact, I DO have a child and I'm trying to figure out how to spend down most of my retirement funds so that I DON'T leave him a large amount of money (with which to be irresponsible).
So can you give us an idea of where it is you ended up in the Midwest?
We retired to Arizona, but moved back to Alaska within 15 months. We didn't want to do the snow bird thing initially, but Arizona was just too hot in the summer and the wife missed her kids and grandchildren. So now we are snow birds, with Alaska being our primary residence.
We just made a move to the southeast. We totally regret and wish we had taken more time to analysis. Once you sell, you can never go back and that is the horror of a decision we will always wish we had not.
If you want to move, think, think and think about it before you do anything.
We made the move from Alaska to Arizona to give it a try. Decided we didn't want to live in AZ during the summer, so we moved back to Alaska, but kept the AZ home as a winter home. We would have sold our Alaska home anyway, as it was way too big for just the two of us. Once we moved back to Alaska, we wound up buying the perfect retirement home in a gated community, which gives us peace of mind while we're gone. And best of all, we get to enjoy the beautiful Alaska summers and nice warm Arizona winters.
SE Regret, if you are that unhappy and you are waking up at 3 AM every day, unable to get back to sleep, you need to at least seriously think about whether there is any possible way you could return to PA. I know it is a huge financial hit we are talking about, but you sound like you are suffering so. I question if it is worth it to stay. Can you and your husband sit down with paper and pencil (or Excel) and run the numbers to see if there is any way possible out of your dilemma? What would you have to sacrifice to leave SC and return to PA? I am not saying you should definitely leave, but you sound so unhappy, you owe it to yourself to explore all of your options before you resign yourself to not being able to return to PA. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for your help. For the first time in my life I am glad Christmas is over. But now is the prospet of 206 living here.
I need to take a trip to PA. It may help, but it is inexpensive.
My story of regret is multi-faceted, but since my "home" (Long Island) is gone (as I knew it) anyway, I don't pine for it, per se, but rather, oddly enough, the foliage and hills (found on the North Shore of the island). I am in Fl now, and I know how to take the good with the bad, for me, the biggest problem is the neighbor lottery I hit (a' la Shirley Jackson).
And while I'll move again (for many reasons), my next choice will ensure that I have a private home, where I'm not on top of my neighbors. I totally, completely ignored this issue as I drooled over the dream I thought I wanted: to see the ocean from my home.
As well as the stupidest thing I've ever done: buy a duplex so my son, dtl and grandchild could escape Buffalo winters and move to Florida to live together with me in bliss (not).
My New Year's resolution is stop thinking up ways I can help others.
I feel as sorry as you do about my move. *sigh* Here's hoping we solve our problems in 2016. Maybe you shouldn't think about how hard it will be to live there for 2016, but rather, how 2016, all 365 days, can be spent thinking about how to make your life better....in whatever way occurs to you.
BTW, have you looked into meetup.com? Just a thought.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Anyway, yes, it would have been nice to invite a single friend out to dinner, but every one of them either has family here or was invited somewhere. Well, at least it worked out in the end and I am off to dinner at the friends' home who did invite me.
