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I explained above that I was merely trying to provide perspective. It can't be easy for them either, was basically the point.
I'm guessing that you may think that we're not aware of or sensitive to that. If so, you'd be wrong and SD and I had that talk a couple of hours ago during which she acknowledged she was aware that we recognized it.
Sorry but your throwing in variables and posers when the former don't exist and the latter are mere supposition on your part is not helpful.
For those who are following this, SD has, in the past, been very fractious and divisive and in some cases, that's putting it mildly. She's trying to correct that but as we all do, slips now and then. This was one such slip and has been resolved. There will be more and we'll deal with them as they arise. In the end, it about the welfare of the children and that is being seen to. If that's all we accomplish I will consider it a job well done.
There was a time in my life when my parents "took" me in for a few months in their one bedroom apartment. I slept on a day bed in their living room and they cleaned out a closet for my use. Fortunately it was only me, I had no mental issues, I went to work ever day, I stayed out of their way as best I could, and I got on with my life after a few months.
Later I was able to reward/help them, bit most of all express to them my heartfelt thanks for their generosity when I needed such. I could not, not offer such to family that needed such. Rules, limitations, my way....yes....but the help is there.
I remember my first night there. Mom cooked a nice dinner. Dad asked is I wanted to watch some TV with them?. I said yes and I was feeling better. When they turned on Lawrence Welk and were humming along, I smiled, inwardly gagged, and promised myself....I was out of there as soon as I could be.....LOL
... And, at her age she should have a lot more consideration for her elders. I had manners and social awareness at 18. ....
She's dealing with mental illness, on top of money woes. It doesn't work to judge her by our own standards. In fact, who are we to judge, in the first place?
In the end, it about the welfare of the children and that is being seen to. If that's all we accomplish I will consider it a job well done.
You could not be more right. But in the end, it is about the wellbeing of all of you. "No one gets left behind." And I would bet you are making sure of that.
Great thread. Love reading about your progress, support for your SD and the kids. They will have a wonderful Christmas for sure.
Thinking about the NEW YEAR and some goals. Sometimes it helps to put them in writing. Sorta like a contract of sorts. "You will do this by this date" etc. Formatted by all involved, not just you. Not pushing. Just helping to keep things in the forefront. Getting the whole family involved. Getting signatures as to who will do what to ultimately achieve the end goal. (Moving out, getting a job, leaving you guys to have your own life again). Just a suggestion. Many times its helpful to actually see it on paper.
Just under two weeks and last night, the REAL SD emerged. After she and the children had eaten, we prepared our dinner and planned to eat it in the dining area which is just off the living room and totally open to it. SD had planned for her and the boys to watch a movie there on the TV after their dinner. Her mother, partially at my request, asked that they turn the TV off and go watch one of their movies on the DVD player in "their" room so we could have a bit of peace and quiet and a little privacy while we ate. The freaking TV had been on all day with kid's shows and but for a few forays outside to play, everyone had been "under foot" all day.
At our ages and after many years of just the two of us, we can handle just so much noise and confusion when it begins to take a toll. Twelve straight days of it was our limit and we needed a bit of a break without feeling like we had to leave our home to get it.
Characteristically, SD herded the boys down the hall and we when they asked why they couldn't watch TV in the living room, instead of explaining that Grandma and Grandpa would like a little alone time, she told said to them, "I guess were not welcome in the living room." Today she's full of attitude and avoiding us assiduously.
This does not bode well. I have scant patience with attitude from anyone; likening it to the old days when I might refer to it as "contempt of cop." I particularly do not permit either that or drama in my home. Our home is modest with just under 1,500 sq.ft. and three extra people takes it to its comfort limits. Twelve + hours of almost constant child and TV noise is more than enough. Adding biting the hand that literally feeds them and it reaches my comfort and patience limits as well.
To be continued!
Sounds like the honeymoon is over.
How's the job search coming along?
Don't mean to intrude on your or your SD's approach to parenting, so please disregard the following if you judge it to be none of my beeswax, but why are these boys watching TV 12+ hours a day? Are you having a bit of bad weather? Are there no books in your town's library? Redwall and Tin Tin series all checked out? No chores to be done? No games to be played? No adventures to be had?
It has been my observation, that plunking boys in front of a TV for hours on end is asking for trouble. Sooner or later that pent up energy comes out in unfortunate ways.
As to the attitude, no doubt SD is kicking herself for getting into such a pickle, but that's not your doing. May be time for one of those conversations where you explain to SD that as much as you care for her and sympathize with her troubles, you are too old to put up with snotty talk.
If she had to borrow the money to drive her daughter to the airport, chances are she is not organized enough to move out now, even to a low rent apt. or an old trailer, which is likely all she can afford. Plus this is unlikely to be a good move for the boys.
However there are govt. programs to help people get back on their feet, particularly with assistance finding a job. If she has not checked with the local county social services and employment office, now would be a good time to do that. If she has a mental illness diagnosis from a doctor and this has impacted her ability to find or keep a job, she may be eligible for Voc Rehab Services This is a great program and well worth checking out.
So appreciate your posting how the family saga is unfolding. There but for the grace of God...
I am so envious of the fun you are going to have. 7 year-old boys, give or take a few years, are so full of it--ideas, adventures, inventions... Cynicism is still a few years off.
Clearly, they are in dire need of someone to show them what being a man and taking care of your family is all about and fortune has sent them your way.
Have a ball!
Me too.
I'm jealous.
With a 7 and 8 year old I would have someone to go fishing with.
I'd have two white water raft trips set up for each when they're about 10 years old and able to swim. I prefer the three day Ladore Canyon Trip through Dinosaur National Monument which I have made a number of times the first time in the late 1950's when I was 10 years old.
It would immediately take 10 years off my age while giving my grandchild a memory and adventure he will remember his entire life.
I would have the joy of teaching each of them what it really means to be a man.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by accufitgolf
There was a time in my life when my parents "took" me in for a few months in their one bedroom apartment. ... they turned on Lawrence Welk ......I was out of there as soon as I could be.....LOL
Hey, careful there I'm getting ready to record LW in an hour (Since it was pre-empted by fund raising on Sat night ).
Watched it with grandparents, parents, and now seniors that I volunteer with. I know all the members and appreciate the stories they are now adding after the show.
I work the phone lines for Propaganda TV (PBS), I always request a shift during LW, as I enjoy discussing the show with faithful old timers.
One thing is certain about any Retirement Nightmare.... we become surprised what we learn to enjoy, and amazed at what we learn to tolerate....
BTDT, having become a 30+ yr caregiver for a disabled parent the day I turned 'legal' (18th BD). I was hoping for a 'post-age 50' reprieve, not looking likely. (tho I did have 5 GREAT yrs off to go to college between death of one, and needs of another). I just finished college (post age 50), and POOF, stuck again. This too will pass, and so will I.
I could write a book about caring for Bipolar. One chapter of scenario with 100 chapters of possible endings. None of which will turn out as you would expect. Prepare for change !! You WILL be despised and rejected (several times / day), learn to 'Get-over-it'. As mentioned above, don't take it personal, as it emanates from a 'non-natural' thought process. It is like separating 'emotion' from Work related crisis', only this crisis LIVES with you. (hint: get some space... fortunately, I had an old barn to retreat to. It heard a lot of woes. I eventually had to fix the roof and floor as they too were sagging from the burden of life. BUT We are both still standing
Last edited by StealthRabbit; 12-20-2011 at 12:58 PM..
I explained above that I was merely trying to provide perspective. It can't be easy for them either, was basically the point.
I am sick and tired of victim status in this country. If I were down and out and a guest in some family members home I sure as heck would drum up a little respect and abide by their rules as well as some sensitivity to their wants. I am also sure that the op and his wife would like to feel like they still have some privacy.
I'm guessing that you may think that we're not aware of or sensitive to that. If so, you'd be wrong and SD and I had that talk a couple of hours ago during which she acknowledged she was aware that we recognized it.
Sorry but your throwing in variables and posers when the former don't exist and the latter are mere supposition on your part is not helpful.
For those who are following this, SD has, in the past, been very fractious and divisive and in some cases, that's putting it mildly. She's trying to correct that but as we all do, slips now and then. This was one such slip and has been resolved. There will be more and we'll deal with them as they arise. In the end, it about the welfare of the children and that is being seen to. If that's all we accomplish I will consider it a job well done.
A medal of honor for your job well done.
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I'm getting ready to record LW in an hour (Since it was pre-empted by fund raising on Sat night 
).
This too will pass, and so will I.
. As mentioned above, 
(hint: get some space... fortunately, I had an old barn to retreat to. It heard a lot of woes. I eventually had to fix the roof and floor as they too were sagging from the burden of life
. BUT We are both still standing 