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Old 01-13-2012, 08:44 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,932 posts, read 5,408,377 times
Reputation: 4455

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
LOL! Line forms at the rear. Memo to Self: Move and don't say where. The prospect makes becoming a monk all the more inviting.

I fear my woman-picker is flawed so I'll be avoiding that eventuality at all costs. After all I'm on the cusp of being a two-time loser. Ain't no goin' fer third time's the charm. Besides, I just don't have the energy anymore and an uncluttered life is looking real good.

May try the "let's go somewhere and talk" thing. Worth a try but that's about as far as I'm willing to go to see if there's anything salvageable. Don't have the emotional energy any longer either.
Hold the phone, here! STOP...LOOK...LISTEN! I can't believe what I'm reading about you and Mrs. Curmie splitting up. (If I didn't know better, I'd think SD found your password and was impersonating you on City-Data!)

Maybe I missed something, but before SD entered the picture again, it appeared that you and Mrs. C. had a pretty decent relationship. Did Mrs. C. utter, "I want a divorce" in a fit of rage? Had she been drinking...or in a bi-polar mood? Please, do NOT be so quick to throw away a 15 year marriage, unless there's lots of baggage that the rest of us don't know about...and you were not as happy as we thought.

No marriage is perfect, but a good number of them can be mended with counseling. Please don't turn on your heel and walk away without making an effort to salvage the relationship with Mrs. C...unless it was never as idyllic as presented here on City-Data.

Good luck!

 
Old 01-13-2012, 08:59 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,932 posts, read 5,408,377 times
Reputation: 4455
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
As a mother myself, I can understand. Torn is an understatement.
When our daughter comes home for a visit (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, couple of other times), she's very loud and kind of takes over the house. I kind of welcome it b/c it takes me back to her high school days - lots of activity throughout but it takes hubster a couple of days to adjust.
I can understand somewhat too. By no means am I saying that Mrs. Curmie was justified in taking SD's side, but mothers (especially single mothers) can be VERY protective of their children, right or wrong.

I was thrust into the role of single parent at the age of 37 when my husband died in a car accident...my sons were 2 and 7. Talk about a mother tiger...that was me! It was probably just as well that I never remarried, because I suspect it would probably have been an issue with a second husband. I know it caused friction for my two sisters when they remarried, and my brother is engaged to a woman with children from another marriage...friction there too, at times.

It's a very complicated issue, this mother/child thing...not enough time to go into it here. But I say again...please do NOT rush to end this relationship without first getting some counseling.
 
Old 01-13-2012, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,280 posts, read 8,635,645 times
Reputation: 6390
Now I'm not Curm, but speaking from a guys perspective, trust is everything. Now I'm not there, but if that trust is irrevocablly broken, it's sometimes pretty hard to restore. At this point it sounds like it's reached the me or daughter stage, and let's face it most mothers won't abandon thier kids, no matter how much drama they create.
 
Old 01-13-2012, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 21,935,845 times
Reputation: 15773
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cali BassMan View Post
Now I'm not Curm, but speaking from a guys perspective, trust is everything. Now I'm not there, but if that trust is irrevocablly broken, it's sometimes pretty hard to restore. At this point it sounds like it's reached the me or daughter stage, and let's face it most mothers won't abandon thier kids, no matter how much drama they create.
Trust issue: What could DW and SD possibly not trust about Curmudgeon. I mean, given the stressful situation, what's not to "trust"?
 
Old 01-13-2012, 09:25 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,391,772 times
Reputation: 29336
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
Hold the phone, here! STOP...LOOK...LISTEN! I can't believe what I'm reading about you and Mrs. Curmie splitting up. (If I didn't know better, I'd think SD found your password and was impersonating you on City-Data!)

Maybe I missed something, but before SD entered the picture again, it appeared that you and Mrs. C. had a pretty decent relationship. Did Mrs. C. utter, "I want a divorce" in a fit of rage? Had she been drinking...or in a bi-polar mood? Please, do NOT be so quick to throw away a 15 year marriage, unless there's lots of baggage that the rest of us don't know about...and you were not as happy as we thought.

No marriage is perfect, but a good number of them can be mended with counseling. Please don't turn on your heel and walk away without making an effort to salvage the relationship with Mrs. C...unless it was never as idyllic as presented here on City-Data.

Good luck!
Well, I thought I was reasonably happy and she was too. Not idyllic (don't remember ever saying that) but comfortable and mutually supportive. You could do a lot worse.

Yes, self-medication with alcohol which has been an ongoing problem since she retired and yes again, I have fom time-to-time gotten rather hot under the collar about it. With SD here it's gotten worse which I tried to point out but to no avail. While I realize that's always a possibility with bipolar, at issue is do I really wish to put up with it anymore? It's been very costly, not just from the price of alcohol and medical costs related to falls, but emotionally costly as well and there are other factors I won't go into.

As to the issue of single mother protectiveness, understandable and acceptable but only up to a point and when she sides with her daughter against me in my own home and where I live, that point is not just reached by left in the dust. So, too, is the relationship. Counseling won't help that because it can't bring back the trust.
 
Old 01-13-2012, 09:27 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,391,772 times
Reputation: 29336
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Trust issue: What could DW and SD possibly not trust about Curmudgeon. I mean, given the stressful situation, what's not to "trust"?
Other way around. I no longer trust her! Never did trust SD. Only let her come here because of the boys - something both my wife and I agreed upon and with when we opened our home to them. Now she's in SD's camp.
 
Old 01-13-2012, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 21,935,845 times
Reputation: 15773
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
NOOOOOO! No single ladies, lovely or otherwise. I'm done. Even my old college sweetheart (relatively newly single) won't have me nor I her.
OOps, missed this...could it be that you'd let something slip in joking, and that led DW to think you were having an affair, and SD rose to the suspicion and tried to get onto your computer to snoop?
 
Old 01-13-2012, 09:43 AM
 
342 posts, read 716,156 times
Reputation: 576
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
Hold the phone, here! STOP...LOOK...LISTEN! I can't believe what I'm reading about you and Mrs. Curmie splitting up. (If I didn't know better, I'd think SD found your password and was impersonating you on City-Data!)

Maybe I missed something, but before SD entered the picture again, it appeared that you and Mrs. C. had a pretty decent relationship. Did Mrs. C. utter, "I want a divorce" in a fit of rage? Had she been drinking...or in a bi-polar mood? Please, do NOT be so quick to throw away a 15 year marriage, unless there's lots of baggage that the rest of us don't know about...and you were not as happy as we thought.

No marriage is perfect, but a good number of them can be mended with counseling. Please don't turn on your heel and walk away without making an effort to salvage the relationship with Mrs. C...unless it was never as idyllic as presented here on City-Data.

Good luck!
Really good post LibraGirl and one I agree with. As I read all these posts what keeps going through my mind is to do nothing and let the dust settle a little before any permanent decisions are made.

Curmudgeon, you have to be in shock over this whole turn of events and what you're feeling now may change over the next days and weeks. Maybe the best thing to do right now is to make no permanent decisions until you and Mrs.C have both calmed down and had time to think.

You may think right now there is no way to salvage the marriage, perhaps as a little time goes by your feelings may change. Even if you decide to end the marriage, how you feel about leaving the house to her, etc. may change. Give everything a little time before you do anything permanent. Whatever you do, I wish you the best. You certainly didn't deserve this.
 
Old 01-13-2012, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,280 posts, read 8,635,645 times
Reputation: 6390
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Trust issue: What could DW and SD possibly not trust about Curmudgeon. I mean, given the stressful situation, what's not to "trust"?
Remember I was speaking from a guys perspective, not the womens. So I was referring to his trust of her/them not hers.
If a man can't trust his woman, it's over or he's living miserable.
 
Old 01-13-2012, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
6,883 posts, read 11,211,700 times
Reputation: 10792
Smile Financial stuff

Sometimes, other people "think" you have more financial security than you really do. Children, especially, even if you tell them otherwise, think that parents/grandparents have/should have some wealth "hidden away".

When I was married to my husband, I became the major breadwinner after a couple of years. He became self employed at that point. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking he was stuffing money away but I eventually ended up working with him in a sense and now realize how the cash flow works and of course, on paper, everything looks so much better!

Do you sit down with DW and go over the financial info with her on a regular basis? If not, SD may have wanted to play the snoop and then DW went defensive.

If certain things are kept so secretive, some family members may wonder why and that might be behind all this.

Now, as far as trust, she is married to you and may have put SD up to it (more computer knowledge, perhaps?) - but you should be able to trust your spouse. (Maybe she was worried you would take all the $$$ and run).

Is DW a spender? Do you worry about every little expense? If you do, that's hard on the other person. They begin to feel trapped.

Still feel bad for all and especially those young boys.
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