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Just a quick update. I just hung up the phone from talking to my mother. She sounded "chipper". Not at all like she usually does. So in conversation, I asked her, "have they gotten any new residents in"? She said "yes", and I don't know why, but I asked her "male or female". She said male. And then went on to tell me how nice he is and how attentive he has been with her.
I replied "well good- nice to have someone interesting to talk to. Maybe, some
nooky with too." She laughed like a school girl. (she's 92) It was good to hear.
Just a quick update. I just hung up the phone from talking to my mother. She sounded "chipper". Not at all like she usually does. So in conversation, I asked her, "have they gotten any new residents in"? She said "yes", and I don't know why, but I asked her "male or female". She said male. And then went on to tell me how nice he is and how attentive he has been with her.
I replied "well good- nice to have someone interesting to talk to. Maybe, some
nooky with too." She laughed like a school girl. (she's 92) It was good to hear.
I had to laugh at that one. Today my Mom told me she "loves" another resident man in a wheelchair who obviously had a stroke. He must be in his 60s. She is 101. She couldn't find her room in the facility, so the nice man helped her find it yesterday. Today the same thing happened. I think she is playing this for all its worth.
I'm so sorry your mom had to move from her own home. I did not realize an Area on Aging social worker could order someone into 24-hour care.
My own mom became disoriented and confused when we moved her from another state to my sister's house. I think moving from familiar surroundings is harder the older one is.
Good luck to you. I hope your mom settles down and learns to like her new assisted living place.
I had to laugh at that one. Today my Mom told me she "loves" another resident man in a wheelchair who obviously had a stroke. He must be in his 60s. She is 101. She couldn't find her room in the facility, so the nice man helped her find it yesterday. Today the same thing happened. I think she is playing this for all its worth.
Oh, Oh, a cradle robber. Your post made me laugh too. She's going to have to come up with a new one though soon, or he may think she's senile!
... It is so hard when your mother is telling you how lonely and unhappy she is, and you can't "fix it". She could mingle and participate in things, but refuses to do so. Mentally, she depends exclusively on her children to provide for her enjoyment in life, and so feels neglected. Emotionally, it is hard for us children to deal with this. You feel damned if you do, and damned if you don't. ....
I'm sure you know this already, so it's just a bit of gentle support. You are all adults. None of you is responsible for anyone else's enjoyment. So when she tries to dump that guilt trip on you, don't accept it.
We movd my mother and father into an assisted living facility near us, after it became apparent that Dad with his strokes and Mother with her mental faculties could not take care of themselves.
They both hated it at first. But it was wonderful to me not to get the phone calls at work from 150 miles away, "Your father is having another stroke, and I'm just going to let him die this time". The folks at the living facility made a wonderful place for them both.
Do not let your mother guilt you into moving into your home. When Dad passed, Mother did that to us. It turned out that she was seeing three different 'geriactric' doctors, none knew about the others, and she was on 21 meds that were interacting with each other! We got her to ONE doctor who took her off of all the meds but 7 - but by then her mind was pretty much gone. We finally got her back into the assisted living facility (they had a waitlist) - but not before she had assaulted my teenagers and sexually assaulted my DH! After a year there, she 'ran away' to my brother's house, where she was a horrible termagant and drove them crazy for a year. When she died suddenly, he wouldn't even go pick up her ashes at the funeral home.
Not everyone ages gracefully or well, and I thank GOD every day for that assisted living facility. They saved my father's life numerous times - and I felt sorry for them being in the middle of all of that drama. They handled it all very well and professionally... even calling me right away when she ran away.
PhxBarb, I feel your pain...I'm an only child and just moved my Mom (89) into an ALF in FL, where she's lived for 14 years. (And yes, Florida Eldercare is WONDERFUL!) I had to organize all this from 1500 miles away in PA. She was disoriented when she first went in, and sometimes still gets disoriented if she wakes up in the middle of the night, but she seems to like it. She's still mentally sharp, but physically a wreck....so she knew the handwriting was on the wall in terms of living by herself. She's only been there six months and it's still rather difficult for me to manage her care and affairs from afar, but she would never move back here, and I don't particularly want to leave my life and home here. So....we do the best we can.
So, I had to bring my 101 year old Mom to AZ from IL where she was in her own home and had been for 60 years. She knew everyone there. Was prez of seniors club until age 100. Also citizen of the year, women's club prez, etc etc. The local Area on Aging decided she was neglected and gave me 20 days to provide 24 hour care for her. She had been having daily nurses 4 hours a day, but they deemed it "not enough" and "neglect." It all started because I contacted them to see if she could get meals on wheels. Big mistake. The social worker decided she was neglected. We took her back with us from IL at Christmas.
So, here we are in AZ and she is in Assisted Living. Has anyone else had to do this? I am so stressed all the time. I go there every day, but it isn't enough. She is confused, thinks she is still in her home. She wants me to stay there with her. The caregivers are very nice, but this is so not easy. I am an only child, with only a daughter and s i l to help here. At times, I feel like I want to run away and never come back. Part of the stress is realizing what I may become, if I live as long as she is. I don't want this to happen. I am late 60s, breast cancer surviver, other health problems. This was supposed to be a good retirement, but it has turned out to be otherwise. I wake up during the night thinking about this. I just hope things get better as time goes on.
I placed my mom in an assisted living home that she frequently goes to stay for short visits. It worked out at first but she soon became very confused and they wanted to then place her in the memory care unit which she was fearful of. I spent too much gas and wear and tear on my car not to mention the 2 a.m calls from a nurse who should find something else to do. She had placed an adult sized cuff on my 90 lb mom and of course got a very low reading so she calls me to meet them at the E.R. She was not happy and was not eating, so home she is. We have had Hospice once but she graduated and is doing better and I am able to prod her with snacks and good meals. I am also the only child and the burden/resposibilty is mine. My kids give us breaks and mom is still able to get to the bathroom at 96 so not all is bad. Hard choices and you have to decide what you can handle and what you can't. No guilt. I am sure your mom will adjust and you should give it a little time. If my mom makes it to 100 she will have to go back into the nursing home. Who was that wise man that said "this too shall pass?"
We movd my mother and father into an assisted living facility near us, after it became apparent that Dad with his strokes and Mother with her mental faculties could not take care of themselves.
They both hated it at first. But it was wonderful to me not to get the phone calls at work from 150 miles away, "Your father is having another stroke, and I'm just going to let him die this time". The folks at the living facility made a wonderful place for them both.
Do not let your mother guilt you into moving into your home. When Dad passed, Mother did that to us. It turned out that she was seeing three different 'geriactric' doctors, none knew about the others, and she was on 21 meds that were interacting with each other! We got her to ONE doctor who took her off of all the meds but 7 - but by then her mind was pretty much gone. We finally got her back into the assisted living facility (they had a waitlist) - but not before she had assaulted my teenagers and sexually assaulted my DH! After a year there, she 'ran away' to my brother's house, where she was a horrible termagant and drove them crazy for a year. When she died suddenly, he wouldn't even go pick up her ashes at the funeral home.
Not everyone ages gracefully or well, and I thank GOD every day for that assisted living facility. They saved my father's life numerous times - and I felt sorry for them being in the middle of all of that drama. They handled it all very well and professionally... even calling me right away when she ran away.
You had a long hard road and I wish you nothing but peace from now on.
I find myself saying things to myself like, "What did they do before there were assisted living facilities and nursing homes. Sure seemed simple on the Waltons."
Fewer people lived to be so old in the past. My memories of childhood are that one relative we visited lived in a "home". It was nothing like today's crowded nursing home warehouses, but more of a homelike atmosphere. Relatives who lived to be very old often stayed at home, sometimes living alone up to 100. Someone must have been helping them. If they lived that long without "modern medicine" and its devices, they were probably pretty sturdy people.
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