Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (divorced, inherit)
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Wow desert_spirit - you are brave! I hear that all the time too. I never think of myself as brave but I do identify with the definition of courage as the ability to sustain the tension between fight and flight. I sometimes tell people I am the biggest scaredy cat around but I have a great deal of courage--if I decide I want to do something I find a way to skiddle around my fears--soothe those babies and find ways to ease into something before jumping in--took me two years of researching and several trips before quitting my job and moving to WA.
I have wanted to travel to other countries but so far haven't had the courage (or money) to do it alone. I was going to take teaching English but I don't like to teach--I'm very much a one on one person. Going to one of those conferences sounds like a great idea. I have mixed feelings about doing it as an all woman thing because I like diversity and inclusiveness but I'm open to exploring it. Since women have earned less all our lives, we're going to need it more.
We have a lot in common, desert-spirit. From my calculations , we are the same age & both have daughters. I also grew up in New York (well, on Long Island , but I have lived in Manhattan ) & I have lived abroad and have been a teacher . You sound so much more adventuresome than I , though. I have been sort of stuck in a rut for the past two decades & I am looking to shake off my past and really make a change. The desert sounds so serene and peaceful with its calm sunny days and nights that are filled with stars. Thank you for your interesting posts.
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People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .
I don't feel brave most of the time. The moving, even moving long distances, is relatively easy, but getting more and more exhausting so I'm ready to stop. I was even traveling before I was born! I was conceived in France and my parents came back because my mother was pregnant. Then we moved from NYC where I was born to Chicago, then to San Francisco, then back to Chicago and then back to NY all before I was 7. Then my mother took me to live in the Virgin Islands for 6 months when I was in 4th grade. And as an adult I've continued the pattern.
It's MUCH harder for me to stay still and settle. I can see in retrospect that it was brave to take off and go to China. I made sure that I had made connections before there with the school and other teachers before I left, which made it easier. But it's funny how I can be brave about the big things and then be fearful about the day to day things. In China I often stayed in my room rather than go out by by myself the first few months, especially, where I was in a provincial city and the people there didn't often see foreigners, so they stared at us. Sometimes I just felt too self-conscious.
Where and when did you live abroad, Nancy? And where do you live now?
I'm 59, an only child and I don't have any children. My father is 86 and frail; when he passes, I won't have any close family ties keeping me in Tucson. And my closest friends are planning on moving away in the next few months. I have a lot of extended family back east and some close friends but I really feel the southwest is home.
I inherited a little money and was going to buy land near Tucson but then a wise little inner voice told me not to do anything yet. So I'm listening. But it's hard for me not to explore ideas even if I'm not acting on them right away. The property I mentioned in Abiquiu if not split, has 25 acres and 3 solar adobe houses that look lovely... sigh... I see so much potential there.... but it's 3x what I can afford and it's not time for me to do anything yet. sigh...!
I understand the stuck in a rut feeling. I've been stuck in a rut, too, but my rut is more in being a nomad!
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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Desert_Spirit: I'm 59, an only child and I don't have any children. My father is 86 and frail; when he passes, I won't have any close family ties keeping me in Tucson. And my closest friends are planning on moving away in the next few months. I have a lot of extended family back east and some close friends but I really feel the southwest is home.
I inherited a little money and was going to buy land near Tucson but then a wise little inner voice told me not to do anything yet. So I'm listening. But it's hard for me not to explore ideas even if I'm not acting on them right away. The property I mentioned in Abiquiu if not split, has 25 acres and 3 solar adobe houses that look lovely... sigh... I see so much potential there.... but it's 3x what I can afford and it's not time for me to do anything yet. sigh...!
I understand the stuck in a rut feeling. I've been stuck in a rut, too, but my rut is more in being a nomad!
Hi, I've been gone several days, but am again back to check in more regularly. Where is Anomoly, by the way, I haven't seen her? Have you been in touch with her Dancingearth?
I don't know how those here feel about it, but with the interest that has been generated and people who have contacted me privately, I sense that we are onto something. I've also had men ask about the group -- it seems sensible to include them, if it works that way -- a balance as Dancingearth said.
I was thinking that a website that brings in people from all over -- I would guess that there are many people out there Googling places to live -- especially in nice, warm, dry, sunny places -- but don't have the friends or connections to allow them to relocate.
I understand that Nomad feeling. I, too, have lived all over and traveled widely. I, too, am ready to settle in. My father used to say he had some gypsy in him, and I inherited that!
That place in Abiquiu sounds lovely. 25 acres -- that's a lot of land that could be well-used. There must be other sites we can post on, too, to draw more people in. In the old Wild West, people just moved forward and then set up camp and a new town was born! Why not us??
So, I guess the questions are:
1. Are we ready to announce to the world a plan to bring women (and men) together via a website? I know I started the thread as a single woman going it alone, but it sounds like there are some men out there caught in the same web.
2. Would some of be willing to be a core planning group?
3. What about investors to assist in this venture -- I do feel it could be a model site for others (HDL -- where are you???? Did you find those investors yet??)
4. More feedback as to design and living in such a place.
For me, I want more down time than up time. I agree with Anomoly about wanting a place to relax in and enjoy. But because I tend to get fidgety and like to keep busy, I'd also like to try a co-op business to bring in extra money and to spur creativity. Just a happy medium of doing fun, relaxing activities, but also creating something special through both the living space and a co-op venture.
This has turned into a great thread and I appreciate all the responses. HDL -- where's the business plan?? I think a good business plan that incorporates living space and a "business" could help to potentially get investors.
I think that our group is sort of the in-between group: we are single/divorced/widowed; we are younger than the 75+ group which usually needs more residential living sites, and we are not suburban couples in a Sun City. It is an odd age group, and I know there are millions more out there. It's time to bring back the updated, new and improved, high-tech, self-sufficient communes (with separate living spaces). This is the last hurrah -- might as well make it fun!
YES! I think putting up a website is a great beginning. Gathering more people who are interested and then planning a get together. Widening the circle. I know there are millions of us out there. I also feel diversity and balance are important. Is anyone up for doing a website? There are free ones pretty easy to do -- like weebly but I'm working on the text for my own website which has been unfinished for a year! I am up for being on a planning committee, though.
I also think we need a business plan and that incorporating businesses is important. When I saw the Abiquiu property and the Arivaca property -- I'll send the link in another post -- I was thinking artist retreat or b&b. I'll also post other links of existing communities that I've come across.
Here's one, an example of an interesting idea but I feel put off by the wordiness of website and by the organizers who don't say who they are. hey are trying to get a community together in Abiquiu -- an earthen house community. The website reminds me of Dr. Bronner's soap bottle text, if you are familiar with them! Here's the website, though: New Page 1 found it during my researching Abiquiu. I'm interested in the earthen houses, cob or earthbag etc, so I was interested in what they're trying to do.
However, even though we're not ready for assisted living, if we're thinking of a long-term permanent place to live, we're not getting any younger and I think it's important to plan for that. Making houses accessible, building a community house with a kitchen which includes rooms that can be used for guest rooms or studios or whatever and then eventually could become a living space for members who need more care.
Also important not to be so far out in the boonies that medical care is difficult to get to. Which means, unfortunately, that land will be more expensive. The thing with investors is being sure they won't be controlling from the outside. Maybe grants?
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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Desert_Spirit: However, even though we're not ready for assisted living, if we're thinking of a long-term permanent place to live, we're not getting any younger and I think it's important to plan for that. Making houses accessible, building a community house with a kitchen which includes rooms that can be used for guest rooms or studios or whatever and then eventually could become a living space for members who need more care.
Also important not to be so far out in the boonies that medical care is difficult to get to. Which means, unfortunately, that land will be more expensive. The thing with investors is being sure they won't be controlling from the outside. Maybe grants?
Good idea -- grants! We might look at foundations -- even Bill Gates -- and AARP, etc. Anyone a grant writer out there? I can do it, but it'd be helpful to have others involved. The first step is finding the grants -- but I'd think there'd be corporations or other organizations out there who would want to be sure that we Boomers don't drain the system too badly! Seeing us create a model site that is eco-friendly, able to support us on SS, and having a supplemental group income, could be appealing. And, of course, access to medical facilities is important.
I did drive through the area of northern New Mexico with the earthern homes -- they are really weird, but also very fascinating! My main concern is access to facilities -- I am not a driver, either, Dancingearth, and would like to have services nearby. My night blindness is pretty well shot at this point, and I just don't enjoy driving, anyway.
I still am open to Truth or Consequences, though, as I think it is a ready-made community with basic services that could be expanded and woven into a way to use ready-made buildings, and to also create our own -- maybe buying a couple of cheaper places and then land to also add onto. Or Las Cruces because it still has a small college, and even more facilities but also land on the outskirts. Just musing.... (Of course, we need a group photo! Hahaaa -- just kidding -- down the road! )
Yes, there are free websites available. Anyone have lots of time on their hands right now and want to start on it? I'd have to do it piece-meal, as I am pretty heavily scheduled at the moment. And all of us working together would be great!
I think it's time to get out there in the world and let others know about us!
Here are the links: I haven't been working and have spent a lot of time researching!
I just had a thought: We could start a yahoo group. That would enable us to post files and have a separate photo section. Or I bet there already is a yahoo group... hmmm. I'll explore... AFTER I get my butt off the chair and go swimming!
When I lived in Abiquiu I was friends with a man who had designed and built wonderful solar adobe houses. This was 10 years ago so I don’t quite remember, but I think these might be his houses.
Abiquiu is half an hour from a hospital in Espanola (not the best) and an hour from Santa Fe. There is – or was – a clinic with an MD who was also a homeopath in Abiquiu. It’s a small village but many tourists come and many artists visit and also live there. AND I think it’s incredibly beautiful!
Elder-co housing organizations, examples and info. Good resources but in general seem more conventional (and expensive):
I think it's important to explore locations. My memory of Truth or Consequences, just driving through, is that it's fairly desolate feeling. But I haven't been in years. And driving is an issue. I'm ok driving at night in the city, but not on a highlway.
But living in nature and beauty is my highest priority (your land is very beautiful, Wisteria!) and I'm willing to work on solving driving and other problems. Have a community van and driver?
Hey all,
No I haven't heard from Anomoly either and was wondering how she's doing.
So many great ideas here! I also have that gypsy longing but it battles with my desire to grow roots and stay put. I can remember living in PA and seeing the mountain (hill now that I live in the west) and wanting to walk over it just for the challenge and to see what was on the other side (figuratively—I knew what was there from driving over there :-) Right now I’m extremely tired of the moving—would like to find the place to stay.
I have been examining my life and feel strongly that although I’m exploring all the traditional options for housing, it doesn’t feel right. I want to find an alternative to buying my own house without the compromising I have to do now with where I am at. My housemate and I don’t have much in common – he’ll stand and watch as I take my numerous plants in and out of the house in the morning and at night. He has no qualms though about using them (when I offer.) It’s hard to explain because overall he is a nice enough guy. He lacks generosity of spirit and energy—I find it draining to be around too much. Thank the oneness he doesn't watch TV--it could be so much worst. That endless drone. I'd enjoy him much more if he was living in his own small cottage and having weekly dinners together.
Tomorrow I meet with community housing—they actually might be a good source for how to set up something like this. In my mind is this vision of a better way to live that is wholistic (my spelling :-) and it's not buying a house and spending everything I earn and all my time on it and do it totally alone. I raised three children and provided stability and a home for them (and myself) but I have this long list of things I’d like time and money to do now. If I bought a house for what the bank says I can afford, all I would do is live in it and nothing else—I’d have my sanctuary but not the freedom to do other things. Something is wrong with this concept.
My vision of how it should be is from an experience I had in WA. It was after a community art walk. A potter held a potluck party on his small farm. His studio was in the barn. Children were running around a fire, tables loaded with food were on the first floor of the barn, pottery pieces were on shelves lining the walls, and musicians were playing in a small second floor room in the barn. Rugs were on the floor and chairs grouped in front of the musicians with low lights. You could wander from the fire, talk to people, eat something, wander back to the music. I loved it--I wanted to be adopted. I'd like to find a way to be around like minded people and still have a private space, especially outdoors—a secret garden. People generous of heart and spirit--unafraid to explore a new road and share.
So many other things to say – yes to sustainable living without spending 24/7 on physically doing it. I might be an old hippie (yes—I had “Raising the Homestead Hog”) but I am realistic about how much energy and desire I have to do physical work now. I’d be happy to work together. I took grantwriting in college but never actually wrote an entire grant but lately I’m wondering what I can do with all the things I learned in college and need to find a way to continue to learn because the job just doesn’t do it for me except it gives me a fair amount of freedom and the pay is better than starting over in another industry.
I think a yahoo group is an excellent idea. Now I better get back to work.
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Seeing us create a model site that is eco-friendly, able to support us on SS, and having a supplemental group income, could be appealing. And, of course, access to medical facilities is important. 