Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (55, beach)

[marska]

55 and things aint lookn so good. Laid off 2 times in the past 5 yrs. and on the job market again. Oldest daughter at age 26 diagnosed with cancer...due to the expense of paying for cancer treatment my savings other than 401K is gone ( at 26 she cant be covered under my insurance and of course her employer did not offer any)...each chemo treatment was close to 6K but what am I suppose to do, let her die...still have one in college. Need a new car. Can tap into 401K but will be penalized and can't replace the funds ... I fear I am looking at a cardboard box in an alley

[Aqua Blue]

Originally Posted by marska

55 and things aint lookn so good. Laid off 2 times in the past 5 yrs. and on the job market again. Oldest daughter at age 26 diagnosed with cancer...due to the expense of paying for cancer treatment my savings other than 401K is gone ( at 26 she cant be covered under my insurance and of course her employer did not offer any)...each chemo treatment was close to 6K but what am I suppose to do, let her die...still have one in college. Need a new car. Can tap into 401K but will be penalized and can't replace the funds ... I fear I am looking at a cardboard box in an alley

I am so sorry to hear that, it must be very hard as a parent to watch you child go thru that. Hopefully she is doing well. Why didn't your daughter qualify for medicaid?

[PAhippo]

good question.

You might also check with the American Cancer Society. They might not be able to help with money directly but would certainly have some kind of list of resources for her to look into.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by marska

.. [b]Oldest daughter at age 26 diagnosed with cancer...due to the expense of paying for cancer treatment my savings other than 401K is gone [/B

This is BIG problem for many of us with uninsured kids and self. (kids don't seem to think it's too important to carry EXPENSIVE insurance... but...

(...what am I suppose to do, let her die......)

I expect many of us are at risk of having to make this decision... very tough on finances, but not very tough decision to make... I did my 32 yrs of elder care starting at age 18 for a sick parent (now into 'round 2') probably the rest of my life. Not fair, not fun, but... SOMEONE has to do it.

For your kid left in college... Zero is fine amount to add. Kids can get loans VERY cheap, and interest is deferred till graduation. I am a proponent on paying loans / interest AFTER kid graduates (if at all). Mine had to pay their own way from age 18. They survived.

For the car... I only buy used (very used) there are MANY great deals on one-owner / by owner. I find Dallas a VERY cheap place to buy used cars. I fly in via SWA and drive em home. (weekend vacation... ~2200 miles home) Fly in on Friday night, home just in tiume for work on Monday morning. I also do this if I want a trip to see sunshine. The resale value is high enough @ home to cover my costs. BTW... I drive a 1980 VW that gets 50 mpg. It has somewhere around 350,000 miles (Speedo quit quite a few yrs ago) I doesn't go so fast that I'm worried...

You can get new cars for zero down and under 3%. I would get a Yaris, or a Focus (they each get 38mpg+). I rent them on trips... (Once for $4.95/day on Hotwire)

You can always do a 72T on your 401k PENALTY free ANYTIME before 59.5 (but within rules (of course)).
Best to roll JUST enough to fund 72T. ALSO if you left a 401K employer AT age 55 or later you can take regular distributions. (Unfortunately I had to leave at age 49, so.... 72T is my only option).

Life is FULL of traps... Just gotta keep 'digging'. But I certainly know how HARD it is to get a GOOD job after age 55... Hundred of rejections when I needed to get a job for Healthcare. BUT... I took a very good paying GRUNT nightshift job, and EVENTUALLY lucked into an excellent 'previous' employ. (PT / oncall, but VERY busy and well paid + fulltime travel (which is good for me to get away PAID). Even tho I work 24x7 between caregiving / eldercare / PT work and managing several properties, I am healthy and consider myself very well blessed.

Someday I will 'check-out'. That won't be so bad of an option! But ONWARD for today...

[artangel]

Marska,
I feel for you....I've had those "cardboard box in an alley" fears, myself....although somehow I always picture myself under a bridge/overpass! But it's not funny at all feeling alone and scared of the future.

Gotta tell you what my son said when I revealed how scared I was...he said "don't worry, Mom, I'll take care of you......I'll bring you a baloney sandwich everyday.....and I won't have far to walk, 'cause I'll be in a box a little ways down from ya!"

I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter, too. I wish you the best....and wish there were some way I could help. There are some very nice people on this thread/forum, and all I can offer is that it helps that someone, somewhere is ready to listen to you or me and offer their thoughts and a kind word. Sure has helped me many times.

[Lodestar 77]

Originally Posted by Umbria

To both NEG & Karcon~~~~~~~~~

So, will you both be called granny? grandmother? grandma? free babysitter? I have a friend that hates being called grandma - she preferrs some Swedish term that I never remember so I just call her granny and wait for her wrath

I'm called "Mimi". My daughter called my Mom that, and since I don't want to be called any of the above names, this carries on the tradition as well as satisfying me. I get comments from others when they hear the girls call me "Mimi", it is not too common but some folks have a "Mimi" too.

What is really funny is when the little one (4) is talking so seriously and abbreviates it to "Meem".

[wanderlust77]

The way I look at it is : Where you decide to retire is where you are. Anywhere is happiness. Happiness comes from within, not from without.

[LittleDolphin]

Originally Posted by wanderlust77

The way I look at it is : Where you decide to retire is where you are. Anywhere is happiness. Happiness comes from within, not from without.

So very true, in my viewpoint...only We can create our own happiness..it is not palce it is our heaven within ourselves..

[Lodestar 77]

But, at least for me, one has to "feel it" to know. The inner voice that speaks to me, "this is it". This is also the case for anything I am looking for, I "know it when I find it". In my case, I moved to Texas for a bittersweet reason, and I looked at many areas and houses before I found "the one". It was perfect in every way, location, layout, etc. But when I went through a terrible tribulation, I ended up alone in it, and I hated it. I couldn't wait to leave it. I visited my home state for three weeks last fall, and it "felt like home". My few family members and the couple friends that are family to me were here, and I knew I had to come home. It is still taking some getting used to, I am really concerned about living with the Michigan winter again, but I am home! I now have the inner peace I need to move forward.

[karcon]

Originally Posted by newenglandgirl

Congrats to you on your news! How far away are they? What is the baby girl's name?

Not to one-up you, but I just got news last month that I'm going to be a first time grandma....of twins. Still in shock, and delighted like you. My other kids will not want to have kids, so this one son and his wife are my only hope. And needless to say, since this news, I'm not moving anywhere.

Has your news impacted your decision about moving anywhere?

Congrats to you too! And this, too, will be my only grandchild - no definitive name yet - have until March to make that decision.

Interesting question, "how far way are they?" My son (who will not be having childen) lives in CA. My daughter and her husband currently live in Philadelphia, having just moved there from Annapolis. Shortly after moving is when they found out they are expecting their baby. And, shortly after that, they found out that her husband is going to be in Australia on business until January (he left last Friday)! He and his partners are expanding their business and it is a fantastic opportunity (career and money-wise). My daughter (flight attendant) will be working until the end of December. She is also planning to take a year leave and if everything goes well there is the possibility of them all moving to Australia next year (at least for a year). Or they may move to the west coast where travel to/from Australia would be easier and she would still keep her job. Many, many things up in the air right now.

So, that leaves me still wondering where do I want to go? If they are all on the west coast, that would make much more sense to be closer to family (as I have no ties here). Every time I think I know the answer, they change the question!

I would love to live in CA but know that is very expensive. I have always loved Oregon and WA state. But, I won't be making any decisions until next year, after the baby is born and I know what things will be at that time.

As to what I want to be called it is Mimi (personal reasons). I had a grandma and a Nana (as the dog in Peter Pan). My mother was NaNa ("a" pronounced as in bah bah). I am a Mimi!

Seems we all live so far from our children. And then we make a decision to be closer to them and they move. Lesson, can't plan your life around others. Make your own plans and just let things work themselves out.