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At 56 I'm not ready to live with the love of my life 24/7. He may only have 6 more days to work and is burning through his vacation time now. I hate my job and I've been off for two days and the stress is still eating at me. I have to go back and work another 6 day stretch. I'm teetering. Financially I can retire but which is the lesser of two evils? Continue to make money and be stressed out, or live with someone 24/7 that I'm only used to seeing around 8 days a month and risk ending up on the evening news?
Although this is not the relationships forum, it seems that if being around your husband is hell on earth, perhaps a legal separation and your moving out would be a solution. It must be pretty bad if you're talking about ending up on the evening news. I feel sorry for both of you.
When I was 19. We married young and had our first son and immediately it dawned on us that ... yes, money is essential, but it's not worth it to work harder than you have to if it means less time to enjoy raising your family and enjoying your life.
You have your whole life to work, but your kids are only young once - so we focused on them instead of careers and we are so glad we did. Now they are older and and more independent and now we're focusing on our careers more and we have no regrets. We never missed a thing.
I think it makes a difference, too, whether or not your career is something you enjoy. If you are doing it just for the money, that's a miserable endeavor. I think it really makes a big difference if you can find something to do that is genuinely something you enjoy doing or feel good about doing. Otherwise, it's not really a career... it's just a job. It's just a paycheck.
40+ hours a week spent working - that's a huge chunk of time. We're much better off if we find a way to use that time working towards an endeavor that we find truly "worth it", or valuable.
While I agree that it's important to be there to guide your children, it shouldn't be at the risk of having to become dependent upon them or anyone/thing else in retirement. Earnings can decidedly be a "necessary evil" and sacrifice.
Wow, I'm surprised to hear from people in their 40's on this issue. Although I like my career, I can feel myself slowing down. I just feel that now that the kids are grown, I feel like it's "my time" and I don't want anything to get into the way. I enjoyed raising the kids but I want to be able to go and not have anything stopping me. I don't care for the idea of having to be someplace on a certain day and time. (work) That being said, I have to be able to find that balance with still working. Not time to retire yet
I went to the military because it's the only way I could bridge my desire to engage in my passion for aviation while also able to make a financially lucrative enough living to not be stressed about finances and also have time off (civilian aviation is crappy career in aggregate and believe it or not I am actually home a lot more as a military member in my particular assignment than I would be if I was a poorly paid civilian professional pilot). I am fortunate I was able to get in. Many are not medically qualified for it through no fault of their own.
Many a times I have debated whether simply going into a vocation for the money would have been a better alternative. These thoughts also plague my head as I imagine a scenario where I can no longer do what I love and earn money in the process. I went to engineering school before my military career chapter and I did well on it grade-wise, but HATED every second of college and grad school while pursuing these degree plans. The thought of working on a cubicle for 8 hours doing engineering work felt like torturous drudgery, so I ran away from that line of work. The idea of doing anything for money and hoping to make up for the misery of working on something you care little for on your time off seemed counterproductive. So I've never attempted it. My friends who attempted it gave up on it; they became physically ill at times.
I would say most are unlucky in that regard. Most simply can't make a living wage doing what they love. My reprieve is that once I get a retirement check from the military I can pursue vocational tracks I enjoy as a civilian without regard for the financial angle. That would negate the financial need and make it so much more worthwhile. At that point, it isn't work anymore. But for the majority, if their life interests are not lucrative enough, they just drudge along like disheartened laborers. I find that a sad state of events.
I agree with Escort, work is such a monumental portion of our day, it's nuts to write it off as a cost of business and fret over how much more 'til I get to go home and live my 'real' life. As much as I'm a "work to live" kind of guy, I couldn't attempt to decouple my work hours and my home life that drastically with a straight face. I love my family, but there's a limit to how much self-actualization I can attain by attending T-ball games and walks in the park. One must also be engaged in matters that concern the betterment of society and our surroundings. Work is an essential part of that mental balance. Doing something you hate eats away at that, no matter how lucrative.
At 56 I'm not ready to live with the love of my life 24/7. He may only have 6 more days to work and is burning through his vacation time now. I hate my job and I've been off for two days and the stress is still eating at me. I have to go back and work another 6 day stretch. I'm teetering. Financially I can retire but which is the lesser of two evils? Continue to make money and be stressed out, or live with someone 24/7 that I'm only used to seeing around 8 days a month and risk ending up on the evening news?
Please step back and understand that if you are feeling this way there is a problem. Let's hope that we can help you and your husband reconnect. It is very important to remember the beginning because there had to be something that attracted the two of you to each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider
Although this is not the relationships forum, it seems that if being around your husband is hell on earth, perhaps a legal separation and your moving out would be a solution. It must be pretty bad if you're talking about ending up on the evening news. I feel sorry for both of you.
Yes this is not the relationship forum but we are humans with feelings and those are very kind words. I do hope and pray that our words make a difference.
I know that in my relationship my wife and I are excited about the prospect of more time together. We know we will not want 24/7 but we will not go to opposite sides of the house.
While I agree that it's important to be there to guide your children, it shouldn't be at the risk of having to become dependent upon them or anyone/thing else in retirement. Earnings can decidedly be a "necessary evil" and sacrifice.
When you have and raise your children early-on it gives you plenty of time to build and plan for retirement. This is what we have done and it is working out very well for us. We saved while raising the kids, too, we just didn't work more than we absolutely had to.
Late 20s. Spent a few years getting sucked into corporate land, finally realized that in any job you could be "put out on the street" at any time, with a box of your belongings in your hands. Then a boss of mine dropped dead, a few weeks into his endevour to "get in shape" and go out and "do things". Well, guess he didn't get to go out and "do things".
Working now to patch up our debt and get things in order, so my family can be less dependant on a corporation handing out paychecks and a little more free.
When you have and raise your children early-on it gives you plenty of time to build and plan for retirement. This is what we have done and it is working out very well for us. We saved while raising the kids, too, we just didn't work more than we absolutely had to.
About three years before I retired at 51. So that would be about 48 years old. Thing were changing at work, my wonderful company was starting to be invaded by people from other industries that thought they knew a lot more than all of us who had been running an extremely successfully utility for many years. I decided that time was more important than money. If you have enough to pay your bills, that's enough.
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