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The story earlier about the washed floor..."The second son thinks, "Mom doesn't like ME." "
That's our son and he's now in his 50's and even after a few serious conversations over the years, reverts back to reacting that way over the simplest things.
What exists is a rather phony friendly/loving relationship where things just aren't ever brought out into the open....he spouts off to his sister about us occassionally...she tells him he's an AH.c
We're just tired of tiptoeing around him, trying not to 'hurt his feelings' over perceived slights that don't really exist....just the way he reads things.
But it's hard to give up on a 'kid' when you feel bad for them and know how much he is missing in his self-inflicted lonely life.
I had two children with my first wife. My 2nd (present) wife and I have no children nor has she ever had any. My son (presently 46) came to live with my wife and I when he was 13. He never got along with his mother and he refers to my wife as his mother.
My daughter and I (she is 48) were not real close when she was young as we lived 1000 miles apart. Later when she was 25, my wife, son, and I relocated and were near her. We became much closer. If she ever accused me of anything it was that I was a bit aloof and cold. I explained to her that is because I did not raise you thus we may well not have that parent/child closeness but that was the hand dealt so us let us just accept that. She did not really like my answer but I said it is the way it was. We got along fine.
Some 12 years ago we retired and relocated 1000 miles away. My son was happy for us and he stays close with phone calls and visits. My daughter remarked she could never move away from family but she never accused us of anything.
After we relocated, I talked to my daughter somewhat and she even visited a few times but she started to drift away. Less calls, less visits. She remarried a few years back. It seems like a good marriage (my son keeps me up to date) and I am happy for her. My son and her keep in contact (they live 15 miles apart) but he says their contact is less and less. He claims she is very single minded with her new hubby, 4 kids, and a grand child and little outside that world interests her.
She is also estranged from her mother but that is due to the issues/problems her mother's mental issues have caused in her life and that is understandable to me.
My weekly calls for over 6 months never got replied to so I stopped calling about 6 months ago. Had I raised her I expect I would be more hurt/doubting then I am but as I did not raise her that closeness was not there so I guess more disappointment then hurt.
Well....that is my story....and I am sticking to it.....LOL
It would be funny if it wasn't....
For many years both my kids accused me of favoring the other.
Eventually my daughter admitted that since they both couldn't be right then maybe they both were wrong.
From what I said up there ^^^^ you can see that my son has never changed his mind.
All my family is gone....at least I made peace with them. Its a long story---most stories are long!
Basically, we had some difficulities, which resolved. I did tell each, at different times, that I loved them. That was so hard, I didn't know if I would be rejected, if they would just throw it back in my face. But now that they're gone, at least I told them. You can stand at a grave and cry all you want, you can send $$$ of flowers, but it doesn't mean a thing to the deceased. Those three words, I Love You, are the greatest give you can give to family, and the greatest gift to yourself. Don't wait until its too late!
Giving someone "a good letting alone" has a long history in my mother's family. She and several of her siblings didn't speak to one other for years over an unfortunate comment.
Several of my aunts and uncles were similarly estranged from one another over relatively minor matters.
I thought our family had avoided this pitfall, but last year my sisters quit speaking to me, quit answering phone calls, quit replying to emails. When I finally got one on the phone by calling a niece's home who handed her the phone, she said that the reason was I had said something unkind but would not tell me what that was.
So that's that.
I'm so hoping our kids won't follow this family pattern, but no guarantees. One daughter didn't speak to me for several months because I wouldn't buy her an expensive wedding gown. The wedding has since been called off and we are back on speaking terms, but who knows what's next.
It's weird this wondering if any misstep I make might wipe out years and years of love and care.
Since I am not retired yet but I am planning on moving I am doing what I can to keep my adult child (daughter) from being estranged from us. We love our daughter and she is somewhat dependent on us but slowly but surely getting more independent. We originally was looking at one area but then reconsidered due to a few factors and now we might have found the right location. I do not want to lose my little girl. She was my precious one and always will be.
Since I am not retired yet but I am planning on moving I am doing what I can to keep my adult child (daughter) from being estranged from us. We love our daughter and she is somewhat dependent on us but slowly but surely getting more independent. We originally was looking at one area but then reconsidered due to a few factors and now we might have found the right location. I do not want to lose my little girl. She was my precious one and always will be.
I still draw the line at enabling, bribery and letting an adult child drive the bus. Sorry!
I still draw the line at enabling, bribery and letting an adult child drive the bus. Sorry!
Don't be. I understand and agree. My daughter isn't gonna drive my bus but I will make turns to accomodate.
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You know those Ozarkians always running people off their property, lol.
Trying to avoid that in our family
