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Old 06-28-2015, 04:21 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,987 posts, read 21,883,690 times
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When a (single then married) daughter says that she wants to be left alone by her siblings and me her dad who all have not done anything to harm her she got her wish and was left alone.

She passed away about four yrs ago from a Heart Attack and she got her wish....none of us attended the funeral.
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:27 PM
 
3,977 posts, read 3,653,160 times
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Oh Steve, I'm so sorry.
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Central NY
5,946 posts, read 5,098,924 times
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meo92953: I have never kept count of all the bad decisions I have made in life. But there have been many. My only hope is that I do not repeat the more serious ones.

Hang in there, you are not alone. You have plenty of company.

Mothers having more influence than fathers? I don't think I agree with that. My daughter accused her father and then cut me off but got close to her father after divorce. Today when we approached the topic, she used a different phrase. She originally had said her father has abused her. Now saying "someone" abused her. It wasn't me. And my son was 9 at the time. I don't know if she is now accusing him of it. I am going to have to sit this one out. I can't wrap my head around it.
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Old 06-28-2015, 10:38 PM
 
39 posts, read 36,885 times
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NYgal, I didn't mean that as a broad statement for everyone, sorry. It has been my experience. My mother tore apart my father, my daughter in law tore apart my son & me. Not good examples & I should not have generalized.
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Old 06-29-2015, 06:29 AM
 
4,423 posts, read 7,349,600 times
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We saw it coming but didn't recognize it for what it was. When son met his future wife and they moved in together, he only called us from his car. If we were invited to their house, which was close to never, she was busy somewhere else and showed up later. The words that came from his mouth weren't his own. He became unrecognizable. Eventually he became argumentative, opinionated. Then he stopped calling. And life goes on..... He's torn. I can see the conflict in on his face. He's made attempts via email to reach us but when we see him at family events he ignores us when he's in her company. And life goes on....
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Traveling
7,023 posts, read 6,256,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ipoetry View Post
We saw it coming but didn't recognize it for what it was. When son met his future wife and they moved in together, he only called us from his car. If we were invited to their house, which was close to never, she was busy somewhere else and showed up later. The words that came from his mouth weren't his own. He became unrecognizable. Eventually he became argumentative, opinionated. Then he stopped calling. And life goes on..... He's torn. I can see the conflict in on his face. He's made attempts via email to reach us but when we see him at family events he ignores us when he's in her company. And life goes on....
Exactually what happened with my son. It hurts & never really stops hurting. Don't know what to say to comfort you because there really are no words.
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Old 06-30-2015, 10:51 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,733 posts, read 15,906,609 times
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Its amazing this thread is still going ! ( I have been off the grid for a while ) I guess the problem with your offspring is more common than I thought. Thinking about it , the worst of times involve close relatives, often its because sometimes the kids are too much like the parents....down deep. In laws are the worst , most should just stay a way from each other. I can recall some of that in my family and the wife's clan. Time has taken care of all that as there are but 3 of my generation left, and I am the oldest , .I try to let my current wife visit her clan alone and I do the same. I see that as a good thing, time becomes more important as we grow closer to the end anyway. I guess its called " quality time ". My only regret is the relationship with my only offspring, my son, never really got off the ground as he was 5 when I divorced his mother, . now he is 52, we do talk some on Facebook, but thats it...we are worlds apart.
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Old 07-01-2015, 11:27 AM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,987 posts, read 21,883,690 times
Reputation: 7007
I have a very old Dictionary from my Kindergarten school days of 1936.

Estrangement: "to make strange, to make unfriendly, to turn a thing from its proper use, alienation".

Do suppose the definition could change slightly depending on a persons situation or interpretation.

As to the above poster feelings can fester over time while an occasional contact shows that as a parent you still exist.....to me being in a similar situation I look at that as being a slight alienation instead of an "estrangement".

Hang in there....I am.
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Old 07-01-2015, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,946 posts, read 5,098,924 times
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Recently had my long-time estranged daughter come back to my life (she opened the door to it).

It was a surprise to hear from her initially but after a couple of visits, one to her place and the other here at mine, I think we have a chance of it working this time. I have missed her a lot, and sorry to say but have at times hated her, too. The separation was very painful for me. She started it just at the time of her father and me getting a divorce and her being friends with her father and not me. I still do not understand it. She says she can't remember why she did that. I don't think I believe that, but at this stage of the game, I'm going to leave it alone and enjoy "what is".

I also hear about my son (her brother) through things she tells me. Funny how the things I was unhappy with my son for she is now talking about them, too. Again, I leave that alone, too.
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Old 07-05-2015, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,946 posts, read 5,098,924 times
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Is it happening again?

My daughter contacted me about a month ago saying she wanted to re-connect after over 30 years of mostly disconnect. She stated in her message a few things and among them that she want to "make things right" with me. Well, that got my attention. I've never understood why she refused a relationship with me and pursued one with her father. She had long ago told me that her father had sexually abused her when she was about 11 years old (coinciding with a time I had a nervous breakdown and hospitalized).

She is now saying it wasn't her father but "someone" was in her room. Who? She "can't remember." Early into this particular conversation I asked her if she had lied about her father when she first told me and she became very indignant. I told her it wasn't an accusation, it was a question. The bottom line is she does not remember. She is 53 now. (At one time she alluded that it was her 9-year-old brother. Can a 9-year-old boy do that? I honestly do not know.)

Many years ago my son was accused of molesting his oldest daughter. My daughter called her sister-in-law and told her that he probably did it. Son spent five years in prison.

Now?? She is not communicating again. I don't know what to think. My first inclination is to run away.... get as far away from this whole deal as possible. Lack of funds keeps me from going.
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