Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We older folks, of both sexes, often come with "Deal breakers", conduct, habits, demands, or expectations that the charming member of the opposite sex finds unacceptable, and causes them to walk away and end it.
Quote:
Oh, yes I agree with you. I was just thinking these same thoughts this morning how, at our mature age we know, from personal experience, much more about behavior and dysfunction so we have less tolerance of it in a potential significant other.
Quote:
This is so true. I've found that there is some behavior and habits that I just don't want to tolerate anymore. And, for sure, I have some habits that would drive a woman crazy.
Quote:
Can you elaborate on those intolerable behavior and habits? Thank you for sharing
I fully expect some "Hate Mail" for this, but will reply. This is most emphatically NOT meant as a bashing the other sex rant, but rather comments on what older single men that date encounter. At one time or another, all of us have met women like this. Am fully aware and acknowledge that we men are equally guilty regarding unacceptable conduct, the "Deal Breaker", so for older single women, please feel free to respond, and blast away and tell us what brutes we older single men are. Below, in quotes, are a few things, presented as fictional scenarios, that likely will send us headed for the exits.
"Do you own your own home? How much is it worth? You don't, did your ex wife get it? Do you get a pension? How much is it? How much is your social security check? Tell me about your investments, the stocks, bonds, and real estate that you own. Your car is a bit old, when do you plan to buy a newer, better one? Are you paying support to your ex wife, or helping your kids or grandkids out financially?"
"My family is very important to me, and my kids will always come first. They expect me to always do things for them, and I do not like to disappoint them. My daughter often makes plans at the last minute, and I have to babysit her kids on short notice. I am very sorry that I had to call you and cancel our date at the last minute last night, but I could hardly let my daughter down, could I? Yes, I know, those concert tickets cost you a lot of money, and were unrefundable, and I did want to go, but family comes first, you must accept that."
"Diet and exercise? What do you mean, diet, exercise, and grooming? I never had time to pay attention to that stuff, and am not going to start now. I was always too busy raising, taking care of my family, and working to worry about how I looked. So what if I am 20-50 pounds overweight, I am a lovely person inside. Lose weight, enroll in a gym, buy some more stylish clothes, and use a bit more makeup? What for, I am too old for that. Besides, now that I am alone and finally have time for myself, am just going to relax and enjoy myself."
"Turn my cellphone/smartphone off before the beginning of our date, leave it off, put it away, and ignore it until after the date is over, never making or taking a call or text? No I won't. Just because you do it does not mean that I will. I enjoy keeping in touch with my friends and family at all times. I do not agree with you that phone usage on a date is very rude and boorish. I could tell that you were irritated when my phone rang in the middle of our dinner at that nice, cozy restaurant last night, but it was my sister in law. She went shopping yesterday afternoon, and I was just dying to hear what she had bought."
"When I finally divorced my husband after putting up with his demands for all those years, I made up my mind right then and there that I was never again going to have sex. Now that he is gone I don't have to. I still would like to enjoy the company of a nice gentleman, but only as a companion, a good friend type of relationship, but never as lovers. Any man I meet must accept this, and know that there will never be intimacy of a sexual nature between us, regardless of how much we may care for each other, or how long we have known each other."
Can you elaborate on those intolerable behavior and habits? Thank you for sharing
Constant criticism and complaints. I don't do well living in an environment like that. Smothering is a bit difficult to live with also. Once in awhile is nice...very nice; but not to the degree where I feel my life belongs to someone else.
My "intolerable behavior and habits"? Probably that I don't do too well at keeping a tidy, neat home. That really bugs me about myself; and I realize that I can't expect anyone else to put up with my clutter and messiness. I'm working on it, but it's difficult to get under control.
Gosh, BlackShoe those all do sound like bad behavior in women so I can't fault you for not accepting it.
And Voosong I understand exactly what you mean about the criticism; in fact that was the deal breaker in my last relationship ~ he just wouldn't accept me "as I yam" (as Popeye says ~ I yam what I yam) ! I have certain dietary restrictions such as lactose intolerance, gluten sensitive and very, very picky about not eating processed food and junk. As a result of mostly my personal food choices I was badgered, diminished, berated and endured some anger all because of food Otherwise, I'm practically perfect
Thanks for sharing your stories. I know it's difficult to find Mr/Ms Right but it sure ain't easy the older we get and the more set in our ways. I'm getting lots of interest on plentyoffish and OKCupid but none close to me
Gosh, BlackShoe those all do sound like bad behavior in women so I can't fault you for not accepting it.
Could have mentioned several more, but omitted them out of time and space considerations. Most are pretty obvious, such as alcoholism, of which I have had a recent very painful experience, smoking, drug use, past or present criminal activity, or just plain flaky behavior, which can fall in several areas. Also, the inability to let go of previous relationships, put them behind her forever, and look to the future, seems to be somewhat common in older women. When she keeps talking about her ex husband, or goes out with her old boyfriends, it is usually time to take a hike.
[quote=volosong;32281875
My "intolerable behavior and habits"? Probably that I don't do too well at keeping a tidy, neat home. That really bugs me about myself; and I realize that I can't expect anyone else to put up with my clutter and messiness. I'm working on it, but it's difficult to get under control.[/QUOTE]
Where I live, you hire Brazilians. In and out in an hour and the house is great. I do it now. No, it's not frugal, but it really suits me.
Where I live, you hire Brazilians. In and out in an hour and the house is great. I do it now. No, it's not frugal, but it really suits me.
I'll certainly do that after the clutter is picked up, sorted, then stored or trashed. Till then, isn't going to happen.
Kinda difficult to find the time now, working a full-time job with a very long commute; then teaching two nights a week at the local community college. Just no spare, discretionary time, or very little.
(Maybe that's why I'm so looking forward to retirement. To have free time to do some of the things I enjoy, (more than working and teaching, that is).)
Could have mentioned several more, but omitted them out of time and space considerations. Most are pretty obvious, such as alcoholism, of which I have had a recent very painful experience, smoking, drug use, past or present criminal activity, or just plain flaky behavior, which can fall in several areas. Also, the inability to let go of previous relationships, put them behind her forever, and look to the future, seems to be somewhat common in older women. When she keeps talking about her ex husband, or goes out with her old boyfriends, it is usually time to take a hike.
When I was older/divorced and dating I ran into men who described women with the negative attributes you mentioned before and I have remained friends with one man who still gets them. He especially gets the ones who just want to be with their grown kids and he comes last.
One poor slob (I mean it was his OWN fault) had been married five times! The last marriage was to a beautiful Russian woman who only used him to get into the US and then dumped him a year later! Locked him out of his own home by claiming physical abuse and was getting help from her Russian friends in the US for how to set him up and take advantage of him.
I could write a laundry list of the types of older men I found (and rejected) online--mostly conceited, materialistic, show off types. Brag brag brag about their house, car, boat, club memberships and often came right out and said they wanted a blonde who would look great in the front seat of their sports car as the cruised along the coastline. That's why I finally gave up on American men and searched outside the US--imported mine from the UK--he's not rich but he's fun--and he cooks.
I could write a laundry list of the types of older men I found (and rejected) online--mostly conceited, materialistic, show off types. Brag brag brag about their house, car, boat, club memberships and often came right out and said they wanted a blonde who would look great in the front seat of their sports car as the cruised along the coastline.
But of course. Older men are also far more likely than older women to be drunks, smoke, use illegal drugs, be problem gamblers, and to be abusers both physically and emotionally. They also tend to be more possessive and controlling than women, while at the same time seeing other women. They may be interested mainly in sex, and often expect a woman to hop in bed with them on the first or second date. We sure as heck ain't angels, never said we were, that's for sure. Fortunately though, many, if not most of us, do not have the traits mentioned above, nor do most of the ladies act as bad as those mentioned in an earlier post. If men and women were so bad, we would never manage to meet, fall in love with, marry, and quite often, live happily ever after with, each other.
Reading all of these posts further confirms for me the wisdom of never again dating if my wife predeceases me (doubtful) or our marriage fails (even less doubtful).
"A wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches..."
We've been together thirty years, I can't imagine an encore, either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
how, at our mature age we know, from personal experience, much more about behavior and dysfunction so we have less tolerance of it in a potential significant other.
for this, but will reply. This is most emphatically NOT meant as a bashing the other sex rant, but rather comments on what older single men that date encounter. At one time or another, all of us have met women like this. Am fully aware and acknowledge that we men are equally guilty regarding unacceptable conduct, the "Deal Breaker", so for older single women, please feel free to respond, and blast away and tell us what brutes we older single men are. 
BlackShoe and Volosong ~~
