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My sister is a really talented artist, since high school. She had a great portfolio and applied to Parsons School of Design. My mother insisted on going with her to the college interview and hovered over every aspect. In the dorm where they were staying for the visit my mother felt the place was unclean (just a normal dorm room) and yanked my sister out of there never to let her return again. At age 18, my sister was well capable of taking care of herself and making her own decisions. Our mother unwisely interfered and ruined my sister's dream. Even today at age 63 my sister feels the effects on her self esteem, lifelong. She followed a dry boring "career" as secretary in a school department and never did art again afterwards.
She is actually quite an independent girl. A regret of mine is that I wasn't more involved in college like the other moms - sending "care" packages - just didn't know to do that! (Told after the fact).
As far as the financial stuff, I look back and realize I made some mistakes. I had her in private school till 8th grade and of course, everyone was wealthy (except for a few and we were one of those) but little stupid me didn't realize that at the time!
I let her contact me/us when she wants to; she'll send me pictures etc. I'm not on her Facebook but I hear about her from her cousins, etc. (same age group) - not gossipy stuff - just "hey, I was in NYC last week and XXX and I had a great time"
Her lease runs out in November 2013. Her boss co-signed for her after we declined to do so. I feel she owes it to him to stay until that obligation is finished. Plus, I would worry about her getting another apartment (has to be Manhattan) without the good job she has now. (We did co-sign for her when she first moved there).
Those are the things I worry about. We will be seeing her face to face in July and I think it's time for us to really talk. She's 28, she needs to get on with her life, she sometimes acts like she's 18. Sometimes, her poor choices still bite her. We do have some opposing views on things but most of her friends share our views.
I have never said anything negative about this new venture but there will come a time. But, I respect the dream aspect.
Going back to school was discussed at one time and she mentioned the MBA. She's a really smart girl - I just don't think "training" people is going to do it; in 2 years, she'll be bored and it'll be "why didn't you stop me?"
Going back to school was discussed at one time and she mentioned the MBA. She's a really smart girl - I just don't think "training" people is going to do it; in 2 years, she'll be bored and it'll be "why didn't you stop me?"
And? She'll be 30. Will it really matter if she plays the blame game as a nominal and presumed adult? I certainly don't think it should. I know it wouldn't work with me.
To solve our kids' problems is to rob them of their lessons, lessons that result in personal growth. If I solved all my son's problems, I'd be cutting off his legs. Sorry but we all have to learn, we might reach our bottom, we might soar, but we have to do it for ourselves.
I unwisely spent 11 years in a marriage to an alcoholic who traveled so much on his job that I stayed home with my child for 5 years and when I went to work it was about being able to support my child and working hours that coordinated with available childcare as a single parent. I did fine in the corporate world and made a good income but never loved the work. I did not follow my passions and I have always regretted it.
Praying about it, God loves our children more than we do I was told. It's most difficult to imagine.
Heard too "Give your children roots and give them wings."
Tell her you love her, she's in your prayers about the decisions she needs to make for her life.
Agree about enabling, sometimes we get in God's way by doing for others what they should be doing for themselves. Let Go and Let God---and I am NOT God !
For me about choices, make a Title---i.e. Job Decision, then list the Pros on one side,
the Cons on the other.
Our sons, their families have made decisions (they are in their 30's, 40's), am bless they
talk to us about decisions as we have respected Whatever They have decided what the Lord wanted/they wanted to do.
I am living my dream every single day.....I would like to travel more and that may still happen but I love my life....no regrets and looking back I come to the conclusion that life right now is pretty amazingly.
Maybe it's good she didn't go to med school. She's only 28, that's the age I was when I started med school, so that path is certainly open to her should she wish to explore it. Admissions committees are looking for "non-traditional" candidates. But, that does not seem to be her dream anymore. Maybe something to discuss in July--there's physical and rehab medicine, ortho (sports med), etc. There are also the ancillary fields such as physical and occupational therapy (neither particularly lucrative, if that's a concern of hers).
Angelcakes--good ideas.
I don't think you're hovering or overly involved at all. I just get the sense you're a concerned parent wanting to give the best advice in the manner it could best be appreciated. Good luck to both of you from a parent of a daughter who did everything she could to NOT live up to the expectations of two type As. It took experience, some hard knocks, and some admiration from employers who encouraged her. Now, she's 35, planning grad school p BS.
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Thanks again for the observations....
