Following your heart - looking back at your life (weather, retired, kiss)

[jean-ji]

It's good to look at past decisions to learn from them but revisiting them on a regular basis is not. At this point in my life I'm trying to look forward and to let the past be what it is.

Here's a link to a short article on the psychology of ruminating, which is interesting. The definition of ruminate is to reflect or to chew the cud, there's always a choice.

[Cattknap]

Originally Posted by jean-ji

It's good to look at past decisions to learn from them but revisiting them on a regular basis is not. At this point in my life I'm trying to look forward and to let the past be what it is.

Here's a link to a short article on the psychology of ruminating, which is interesting. The definition of ruminate is to reflect or to chew the cud, there's always a choice.

Totally agree with this - just determine to be happy right now....life is so much more enjoyable when you decide to stop thinking about "what might have been." This kind of thinking leads to depression, obesity, physical health problems and a personality that others simply don't want to be around.....be happy now!

[oldsoldier1976]

Here is an excellent thread that i think evolved through a number of points in a very short time. I did like reading them all but chose a couple here to highlight. After I will put my spin on it.

Originally Posted by animalcrazy

I never really had a dream job in mind. It was all about meeting financial goals and doing what ever it took to get them accomplished.

I think I fit right into that category. I worked. I got married. I went through a couple of career paths mainly to provide food for the table. I will not say I didnt enjoy life. I will also admit our family went through a rocky path.

Originally Posted by Weichert

Don't get married and don't have children?

Life would be a meaningless shell without both.

As much as I loved to say "Kids Suck" at work I love my daughter. I knew it the very first time I laid eyes on her. I also dearly love my wife. It is 33 years and counting and going strong. I cannot fathom life without her.

Our daughter went through those phases and it took a huge crowbar to pry the two women (wife and daughter) apart during some arguments.

So to the base question did I follow a dream? Was it my dream or my parents?

Well my parents divorced when I was 16. Tough on a kid who might not know what happened. Quit high school in the 11th grade and joined the army 2 years later. Got diploma in the army and then went on to find my love, marry, have a child, buy a house. Make a home. Raise my daughter and still enjoy life. Would I change anything? Not on your life. Could my life have been better? Maybe! But I think it could also have been worse.

Let your kids learn. Be there for them but let them learn.

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by Cattknap

Totally agree with this - just determine to be happy right now....life is so much more enjoyable when you decide to stop thinking about "what might have been." This kind of thinking leads to depression, obesity, physical health problems and a personality that others simply don't want to be around.....be happy now!

A prescient post for me and you are so right. For some time now we've been eagerly anticipating the arrival in a few weeks of my oldest son and his family including two of our grandchildren, one of whom we've not yet met. It's been quite some time since I've been able to travel. Before that, we always went to them. Last night he called, obviously uncomfortable, and informed me that they couldn't make it after all. While excuses were offered they really didn't ring completely true. They go visit his in-laws, who live 100 miles further from them than we do, numerous times each year. In four years they've yet to come here. I purposely made it easier for him by telling him it is what it is and we are disappointed but perhaps another time. What would have been served by remonstrating in any way? His relief at my being so "understanding" was almost palpable.

I was very down, feeling somewhat isolated and certainly not bolstered by the obvious - that we are not a priority for them. My wife was very upset when I told her, especially in view of my significant medical issues of late which will preclude our traveling for a minimum of a year, likely more.

So on that "cheerful" note I went to bed and amazingly enough had the best sleep I've had since my neurosurgery three months ago. I awoke this morning to find it had rained gently during the night, a beautiful golden caste was on our lake, a scarlet cardinal flashed across the street, an eastern bluebird perched on the bird feeding station outside our kitchen window and a chipmunk skittered around out in front. It all served to remind me of how blessed we are to live where we do, how much I love it and what's really important at this stage of my life is to embrace and rejoice in the daily, natural wonders of our lives.

It's going to be a great day!

[jghorton]

It's important to look back on our successes and failures as a point of reference for guiding our daily and future activities. Nothing is gained by 'dwelling on the past.' Some succeed at 'following their dream', but, there are probably an equal number who doom themselves to failure by acting on impulse, rather than thinking things through. One of the most common laments I've heard from distressed folks I've counseled in the ministry is, "It seemed like a good idea at the moment." Another is, "I wish someone had warned me....".

IMO, good parenting involves helping one's children see potential pitfalls that they are blinded to by their own lack of experience. For example, I see many parents sitting idly by while their child in college majors in some liberal arts field that will never support them financially, but, 'seemed interesting.' It's almost like the old, "What do you want to be when you grow-up" question, posed to children who have no real-world basis for making that determination.

Of course, there is a line between good counsel and manipulation (or excessive hovering), but, even grown children sometimes need advice from older, more experienced folks.... who have only their best interests at heart.

[earlyretirement]

Originally Posted by mlb

I think you need to let your daughter live her life, make her own mistakes and learn from them. Chances are she might NOT fail....and find her passion. You just never know.

Even if she fails - it will be worth it.

I totally agree with this.

Your daughter is a grown adult and is old enough to know what may or may not work for her. I think many times parents want the best for their kids but they try to interfere too much in their lives, especially when they are adults.

I had a really controlling father (which I'm not saying you are but I'm giving you my story). Anyway, I was pretty much the perfect kid in high school. National Honor Society, Student Council, involved in sports, kept my nose clean, etc. My dad was a former military man and he wanted me to go to the Air Force Academy. I never wanted to go but I figured it was a long shot to get in as you had to get an appointment by a Senator/Congressman/Vice President/President. They only give out so many spots.

Well I ended up getting appointed and accepted into the Academy but I decided not to go. My dad was so upset. He literally didn't speak to me for many years. He thought he knew what was best for me but ultimately he didn't. He said I was "throwing away the best opportunity to write my own ticket". It literally ruined our relationship.

Well, I put myself through University and ended up becoming far more successful than my father ever was. (and my dad was a pretty accomplished guy).

And a decade into a successful corporate career, I decided to start my own company in a foreign country. EVERYONE told me I was making a mistake and that it was stupid to throw away an amazing job, a high salary, a great lifestyle to go start my own company in a foreign country where I didn't know anyone. Once again, I did what I felt was right and against all odds, once again, I made it a success and achieved more success and made more money than I could have ever made at my old corporate job.

The point of my story is that sometimes you just have to let your kid's decide for themselves. This isn't a situation where your daughter is just entering college and she tells you that she wants to major in Art History, or Religion or a number of fairly worthless majors. She is a grown adult now.

If she is as talented as you think she is.....if the other job doesn't work out...she can easily jump back into the corporate world.

[jertheber]

I heartily recommend walking through any graveyard for the purpose of obtaining a clearer view of life's meaning. It's always been about time, we go through the day's doings, head down, focused, hoping, planning, and before we know it, the days end and we're out of time. After my wife died at age 57, I thought about the futility of planning too far into the future. Between the time we're born and that time when we draw our last breath we are simply existing to enjoy life, allowing ourselves and others the luxury of living however we want is truly the rewarding path.

Our children grow up and become somebody else, independent of our guidance, separate unto themselves, but not separated from the uncertainty of life. Whatever others wish to do with their time in life has no bearing on the final outcome of life itself, and this is our first clue that we probably should be looking for things that cause us to smile a bit more and worry a lot less.

[nmnita]

Originally Posted by Bette

Just a couple of things have happened over the past few days - one of my children may be making some career changes and from the big picture, this may not be the right move for her. I don't want to deflate her dreams but I've been thinking about this, praying about it and just trying to find the right words and moments - and then 2 things come into my life (just by reading the newspaper) but -

(1) I read about a man who, as a young man, loved music. He never made it big but then went the corporate route, became the president of a large, well known firm, quit, formed something to do with music (expanded too fast), closed it and now a few years later, he makes the news where again, he formed something to do with music (very cool, helping others, he's of retirement age) but it's a business. Even when he was the president of this large corporation, he had a band on the side. So, basically, he's said he's following his heart (he does have the funds to do this) so that part is easy.
He said he's having the time of his life (also, his children went to school with our daughter).

(2) This sounds kind of silly but I read about a group getting back together and I remember their songs from when I was in middle school not yet high school age. Anyway, I clicked on the button in the article and all those songs and just the meanings came rushing back - I think I'm thinking of a time when I believed all was good - the songs I'm thinking of were positive (It's A Beautiful Morning, People Got to be Free) and this did something to MY heart. I started thinking - well, what happened to that girl? (PS - Seeing them - The Rascals - One Upon A Dream tomorrow night in concert!!) I read the reviews and they seem to be good.

Our daughter was close to tops in her class in high school and a gifted athlete. She went on to college, graduated with a degree in neuroscience (3.897) and had plans to go on to attend medical school. Things didn't go well for her at the end of college and she made some poor choices. She ended up in NYC (her choice) and got a job working in finance. Her immediate boss started his own company and took her with him (small firm - about 5 or 6 people there). She makes good money. She has become addicted to CrossFit and thinks she wants to train people full time. (My husband is so against this; I'm thinking this is her heart just because of the 2 items listed above). She is single, no relationships, has friends but keeps most people at a distance (she has been betrayed a few times) but she does have 1 really close friend who just got married and has a very traditional life. She has no idea how hard this transition could be (she's doing this part time but not earning anywhere near what she does now).

How many of you wished you had followed your heart into a career or something else? Did you end up doing what your family wanted you to do?

I don't know her age, but if she is still relatively young, let her do her thing. She can decide, after awhile if she is making the right decision. She will have plenty of time to make a better decision if this isn't right.

Have I wished I had followed my dreams? Sure, most of us have had it cross our minds a few time, sbut I don't think I could have made a better choice than marrying my husband and raising our children. I do wish, we had both made some smarter financial decisions. This was more the mistake of hubby. He should have followed his dream more.

[old_cold]

If it's been said already,excuse, but this quote by Mark Twain fits in here well.

Mark Twain "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do"

[Frihed89]

Follow your heart? This is mostly about jobs. That says something about America. Sad.