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Humans pretty much practice the same behavior of the nonhuman animal world, with jealousies, protecting territories, counter-aggression, guarding their mates etc. I see nothing abnormal in that, from a biological point of view. We may want to believe we can rise above our more base animal instincts, but....
Unless we are elk, or Fundamentalist Mormons that believe in plurality.
I don't think of myself as "single." Nor do I think of couples as "doubled."
I always figured I'd end up "single/alone." Just thought I'd have, well, a more colorful past, that is, a past after age 35 or so.
I'd much rather be alone than be "stuck" with someone I didn't really really like. Of course I'd prefer great company to no company, but being without company certainly feels normal after all these years. On my recent solo vacation, I only felt the slight wince of aloneness on "dance night" at a guest ranch, seeing some couples dancing and having an eye on a young boy who could be my grandson or something. Oh, those cowboys!
newenglandgirl, I do not see that what you say in your post #129 has anything to do with what I said at my post #120 which you highlight. I think maybe you do not understand what I was referring to at my post #120.
(or you could explain how they relate in your mind, if you feel like it; if not, okay, but I don't think you are interpreting correctly what I said and meant at #120, but that's okay too as I think my post speaks for itself if one reads the preceding posts)
This thread was dormant for a good while and probably with good reason; I don't see much reason to prolong this thread, but there aare, of course, always things left unsaid in any thread.
Last edited by matisse12; 06-24-2013 at 01:53 PM..
I was chatting with a group of male friends. I saw one interesting thing. Those that had seen a wife through an extended illness (mainly cancer) resulting in her death are very, very hesitant to get deeply involved with another women. They say they never want to go thru the emotional and physical turmoil again.
They were not complaining. It was simply I did that for her as she was the major part/love of my life. I will not and cannot do it for anyone again.
I was chatting with a group of male friends. I saw one interesting thing. Those that had seen a wife through an extended illness (mainly cancer) resulting in her death are very, very hesitant to get deeply involved with another women. They say they never want to go thru the emotional and physical turmoil again.
They were not complaining. It was simply I did that for her as she was the major part/love of my life. I will not and cannot do it for anyone again.
I feel the same way. I don't want to take care of anyone. The other side of the coin is that I fear even more becoming ill myself and being the dependent one.
Chiming in here. I have just been contacted by a man I dated (I can't believe this but he said it) 50 years ago. We told each other of our lives.
He got married and has two grown kids and his wife died of cancer 10 years ago. His situation now is that he's gotten together with a woman he knew from work and they have a friendship. It seems to work for both of them as he says he's too old (72) to want to get married again--but he did not mention anything about how he had to care for his wife who had cancer--he just feels too old to get married.
She's younger and seems to have had a really sad life and never wants to get married either so they have a friendship. He takes care of her dog, they watch movies together and go for walks. They are there for each other.
She had contacted him right after his wife died offering to help. So what I'm thinking is that there can be value in looking up someone you used to know and seeing how they are. Maybe they are available for friendship or a monogamous relationship that will never morph into anything else.
This guy found my phone number online and had to pay to get it. I'm glad he did as I enjoyed talking to him and I'm pleased that he is doing well.
Chiming in here. I have just been contacted by a man I dated (I can't believe this but he said it) 50 years ago. We told each other of our lives.
He got married and has two grown kids and his wife died of cancer 10 years ago. His situation now is that he's gotten together with a woman he knew from work and they have a friendship. It seems to work for both of them as he says he's too old (72) to want to get married again--but he did not mention anything about how he had to care for his wife who had cancer--he just feels too old to get married.
She's younger and seems to have had a really sad life and never wants to get married either so they have a friendship. He takes care of her dog, they watch movies together and go for walks. They are there for each other.
She had contacted him right after his wife died offering to help. So what I'm thinking is that there can be value in looking up someone you used to know and seeing how they are. Maybe they are available for friendship or a monogamous relationship that will never morph into anything else.
This guy found my phone number online and had to pay to get it. I'm glad he did as I enjoyed talking to him and I'm pleased that he is doing well.
It can be fun. About six years ago I stumbled across my old college sweetheart I hadn't seen or spoken to for 47 years. She disappeared on me when I entered the military. I'd tried to find her at various stages of my life (returning from overseas in 1969, in 1996, a couple of years after divorce, etc. but never connected. I stumbled into her online quite by accident and we've spoken a couple of times and email occasionally. It's been a real eye opener. At one time I was convinced we'd get married after I was commissioned in the military. Didn't happen. Now I know that was a good thing. It never would have worked. Not the only bullet I dodged in the 60s but a major one.
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