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Between this post and Escort's previous post (that you quoted) . . . it really does summarize group living situations.
What we prefer may not always be what we can manage.
There are two alternatives to the "Golden Girl" situation that I would investigate BUT again, they are less than ideal.
First, move in with a younger family member. The additional income you can provide them may make their family life a little more affordable and they will have additional support to help with the children and the like. It works pretty well in a lot of immigrant families BUT may not in most families.
Second, there are a lot of seniors who are "house rich" in that they are widows/widowers with 3-4 bedrooms. There are a lot of recent grads who struggle with affording a place of their own. If there was a good way of pairing them up, you could meet BOTH of their needs better.
For example, when I was starting out in my career, I was broke and 500+ miles from home. The local "cheap options" gave me a good look at the 3Rs - rents, rats and roaches. When I was talking to an older lady who owned the laundromat, she asked me to live with her 85 year old father. I had to make sure that he bathed, make sure that the house was being kept up and the like. It gave me a nice place to live at a very reasonable price ($100) and kept them from putting him into a nursing home.
Obviously, if you have $5M in the bank and a nice pension, you do not have to worry about it.
It would be unbearable for me to live with anyone, much less strangers. I don't like noise . . . I wanted to tell people in Costco to be quiet today! I don't like hearing people talk.
There are two alternatives to the "Golden Girl" situation that I would investigate BUT again, they are less than ideal.
First, move in with a younger family member. The additional income you can provide them may make their family life a little more affordable and they will have additional support to help with the children and the like. It works pretty well in a lot of immigrant families BUT may not in most families.
Second, there are a lot of seniors who are "house rich" in that they are widows/widowers with 3-4 bedrooms. There are a lot of recent grads who struggle with affording a place of their own. If there was a good way of pairing them up, you could meet BOTH of their needs better.
For example, when I was starting out in my career, I was broke and 500+ miles from home. The local "cheap options" gave me a good look at the 3Rs - rents, rats and roaches. When I was talking to an older lady who owned the laundromat, she asked me to live with her 85 year old father. I had to make sure that he bathed, make sure that the house was being kept up and the like. It gave me a nice place to live at a very reasonable price ($100) and kept them from putting him into a nursing home.
Obviously, if you have $5M in the bank and a nice pension, you do not have to worry about it.
Very good points and observations!
I agree -- finances can put us in the position to be more open about what arrangements we would consider.
I lived with a friend of the family who was widowed for part of the time while in grad school. It was a completely compatible situation, but I had known her since I was 2 -- she was like a "godmother" to me (older than my parents, younger than my grandparents). I would do THAT arrangement again in a heartbeat, but . . . no one else in my life who I am close to in the way I was close to her. She truly was like family, only without any family dynamics baggage, lololol.
We never "got in each other's way," we cooked and cleaned together . . . enjoyed chatting about our day as we did it. I had a large bedroom to myself and studied in there, so it was very private, no intrustions. We planted a garden together, which she loved taking care of, so other than helping harvest, I didn't do much maintenance on it. She had been growing one of the most prolific gardens in the neighborhood for several decades. She taught me more about gardening, herbing in the woods, herbal medicine, than I have ever learned "from a book." We would take long walks in the woods and she taught me the names of all the wildflowers and how to identify different trees - native cherry trees, apple trees, locust, hemlock . . . such wonderful times spent with a dear lady.
I look back with much fondness on our time together - it was peaceful and at times, rather spiritual (a cottage in the mountains of NC, a gurgling stream nearby, very serene, beautiful stars at night). We would take our coffee in the evenings and sit on her porch and watch the sun go down. We were snowed in during that winter with the biggest blizzard to hit in 50 some years . . . snow drifts so tall they blocked out windows and we barely were able to dig our way out of the front door!!! Even that was rather magical!
So for me, I know I COULD live with another person as a roommate in their home, but finding that compatible person, who has her own life (her daughter and g/children lived nearby), isn't expecting a lot of interaction from me but who does like having some companionship on a long walk or to go to a concert together . . . yes, I could do that. Once you start mixing in several people, it gets complicated for me. My home is my castle, my fortress and I don't need or even want a lot of interaction with others.
A business arrangement, with me being proprietor - I could see that, too (for me, personally).
Any of us could have something "go wrong" in our lives and find ourselves needing to be imaginative about how to live the lifestyle we prefer on a budget. Finding a roommate, or for some, finding a group situation, could be an answer to a prayer.
I also know of situations where someone has moved in to take care of an elderly homebound person. I know of g/children that have moved in with g/parents to help out and to give them a place to live while either going to college or starting out on their careers. I have also known families who engaged someone to live with their parent.
There are many situations I can envision that might provide a great solution to someone who either doesn't want to live alone or needs to stretch his/her dollar further.
It would be unbearable for me to live with anyone, much less strangers. I don't like noise . . . I wanted to tell people in Costco to be quiet today! I don't like hearing people talk.
I'm with you about the noise! And there is no way I can get good quality sleep if someone is playing the tv, I could wear ear plugs for that though.
But for me, the biggest obstacle would be giving up my independence and freedom since I've lived solo now for over 12 years.
However, I realize that if finances dictate, at times we have to make adjustments and learn to co-habitat if necessary.
It would be unbearable for me to live with anyone, much less strangers. I don't like noise . . . I wanted to tell people in Costco to be quiet today! I don't like hearing people talk.
Good grief. Grouping up with others would be a nightmare for you.
Unless, of course, you found roommates like yourself who were perfectly content to live in a quiet home, not speaking more than absolutely necessary. But why bother? Living by yourself suits you fine.
I don't care for nattering, people just talking to prove to the world they exist. But I love dinner conversations that wander all over the place. Enjoy discussions about things that matter. Like this.
From as early as I can remember, I've been surrounded by people. Things changed once the kids left and I retired.
Unless I make different arrangements, what I see ahead is years of increasing isolation until one of the kids hauls me to an Assisted Living Facility where i will do my best to get along with people that I have no shared history with, that I didn't chose for companions, and who will come and go on six inch centers depending on health and finances.
There are not enough antidepressants around to get me through this.
Good grief. Grouping up with others would be a nightmare for you.
Unless, of course, you found roommates like yourself who were perfectly content to live in a quiet home, not speaking more than absolutely necessary. But why bother? Living by yourself suits you fine.
I don't care for nattering, people just talking to prove to the world they exist. But I love dinner conversations that wander all over the place. Enjoy discussions about things that matter. Like this.
From as early as I can remember, I've been surrounded by people. Things changed once the kids left and I retired.
Unless I make different arrangements, what I see ahead is years of increasing isolation until one of the kids hauls me to an Assisted Living Facility where i will do my best to get along with people that I have no shared history with, that I didn't chose for companions, and who will come and go on six inch centers depending on health and finances.
There are not enough antidepressants around to get me through this.
Sounds like you would be the perfect candidate to create a set up similar to what I had with my "godmother." She was in her mid 60s, I was in my mid 20s. Don't rule out that there are people who are NOT retired that may be quite compatible. You never know til you start thinking along those lines.
My godmother approached me about moving in, something I never would have even thought about. I had always had my own digs -- only had a roomate for 1 semester while in my freshman year of college. I value my privacy and quiet home so much -- I was certain I could never tolerate a roommate (well, possibly my sister). I had only lived in one apartment for a short stint. . . rather, I had sought out garage apartments and small houses to rent so I didn't have to deal with other people's noise, interactions, etc.
You never know what you might find workable until you explore it and reach out to see who might be "out there."
Good grief. Grouping up with others would be a nightmare for you.
Unless, of course, you found roommates like yourself who were perfectly content to live in a quiet home, not speaking more than absolutely necessary. But why bother? Living by yourself suits you fine.
... .
For economic reasons. And for security - someone to dial the "ICE" number on a cellphone if worse comes to worse.
If I'm ever completely on my own, I'm going to want to find someone quiet like this to rent my second bedroom. We uber-introverts are a rare, but not endangered, species.
For economic reasons. And for security - someone to dial the "ICE" number on a cellphone if worse comes to worse.
If I'm ever completely on my own, I'm going to want to find someone quiet like this to rent my second bedroom. We uber-introverts are a rare, but not endangered, species.
This thread has demonstrated to me that there are, indeed, more of us introverts out here!
And of course, introverts are going to be reluctant to have their serenity disturbed. However, two introverts in a space, especially if they both have similar habits (either don't mind clutter around them or don't like anything out of place) . . . I would think that would be a great arrangement. My godmother was an introvert with highly developed social skills, so she was quite capable of mingling with others at gatherings and enjoying it. But she preferred a quiet home life, loved taking care of her home and garden. That's pretty much me, too. Oh - she was a superb cook! She had worked as a cook in a large resort in her younger days. So she taught me how to make all sorts of things . . . including pastry custard and french tarts.
I never imagined the proposed Golden Girls scenario to be about the last resort. To me, it would be a pleasant situation for a group of relatively healthy individuals of a certain age who choose to live together because everyone's life would be enhanced beyond what they could accomplish on their own.
I don't think couples or single men would find that idea as workable as single women, although I expect to check in any day and find this thread retitled "Golden Girls and Boys"
Certainly, anyone who finds living with others unpleasant is better off with a plan to live happily alone. I think it would be very unpleasant to live with anyone who felt that they were there because they had no other choice. Sort of grinning (or not) and bearing it every day.
In my area, The Golden Girls has just come to television again on one of the perpetual rerun stations. I didn't watch it the first few times around because I was working, but I have watched it some since this discussion started here on c-d. Its an appealing idea. Its a fantasy, but its an appealing one.
I think I could do it. Given the right place and the right set of housemates, I think it could be a good situation for some people.
I've already picked out a half dozen from this thread that I think would work.
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