Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
First of all I just want to say that I have lived a very happy life so far. But every once in a while I get these horrible feeling that overtakes me and which I can only describe as fear of the future or maybe fear of losing the people I love.
The other day I was reading a book (Canada by Richard Ford) and there were some thoughts on it that re-sparked that feeling in me:
“Most things don't stay the way they are very long.”
“What I know is, you have a better chance in life of surviving it if you tolerate loss well"
Do you ever feel like this? That no matter how great things are looking today, ultimately there is always darkness ahead and we are on an unavoidable collision course with it? Today my wife is healthy, my mom and my in-laws are healthy, I am healthy. But that won't always be the case. One by one we will all lose our health and eventually our lives. I feel scared of the fact that if I want my life to keep getting longer I will be forced to cope with very painful losses.
I can't even say I'm afraid of death. Sure, I am afraid of the suffering that might precede it but that is nothing compared to the fear I have of losing those that I've shared my entire life with.
And I think the fact that I'm happy makes that feeling even more powerful. Sometimes I just think...if I could freeze my life in this moment and relive this week again and again for eternity, I would do it.
Have you ever experienced this? How do you cope with it? I don't think we have a choice other than living in the present and enjoying every single day we have, but sometimes that makes me feel like I fear the future. And I probably do, and that's really not healthy I think.
First of all I just want to say that I have lived a very happy life so far. But every once in a while I get these horrible feeling that overtakes me and which I can only describe as fear of the future or maybe fear of losing the people I love.
The other day I was reading a book (Canada by Richard Ford) and there were some thoughts on it that re-sparked that feeling in me:
“Most things don't stay the way they are very long.”
“What I know is, you have a better chance in life of surviving it if you tolerate loss well"
Do you ever feel like this? That no matter how great things are looking today, ultimately there is always darkness ahead and we are on an unavoidable collision course with it? Today my wife is healthy, my mom and my in-laws are healthy, I am healthy. But that won't always be the case. One by one we will all lose our health and eventually our lives. I feel scared of the fact that if I want my life to keep getting longer I will be forced to cope with very painful losses.
I can't even say I'm afraid of death. Sure, I am afraid of the suffering that might precede it but that is nothing compared to the fear I have of losing those that I've shared my entire life with.
And I think the fact that I'm happy makes that feeling even more powerful. Sometimes I just think...if I could freeze my life in this moment and relive this week again and again for eternity, I would do it.
Have you ever experienced this? How do you cope with it? I don't think we have a choice other than living in the present and enjoying every single day we have, but sometimes that makes me feel like I fear the future. And I probably do, and that's really not healthy I think.
I think you've pretty much described the human condition. We are born, we must die, we must sustain losses. When I lost a child who was 2 from complications of premature birth, I learned a lot from that. He was an amazing kid and lived an entire lifetime in 2 short years (you'd have to have been through this to understand it). Others get to live to 27, 36, 48, or 97. How do we reconcile with never knowing when our time is up or when the time of our loved ones is up?
One thing that can really help is writing down your thoughts in daily journals - "journaling." Not quite the same as "dear diary." More like an objective journey of observations and feelings through words. And not only writing almost daily, but periodically reading what you wrote recently and in the more distant past. It puts an amazing perspective on fear, and we can almost conquer fear (or at least meet it halfway) if we develop a consciousness about it through writing.
I just met with a woman who is writing a memoir about her dear husband's death. I've worked with two others who became widows on their books, and the perspective they got from that writing was healing and gave them the ability to move forward with less dread and fear.
Or, if you're artistically inclined, express yourself that way. You don't even have to write or do artwork around death specifically. Both are centering processes that keep us in the here and now. If we live in the present, I've discovered, there's a better chance of coming to grips with fear, as that emotion resides in the past and future.
Hesky, when you suffer any losses in the future, you will be surprised at how you are still able to cope, handle your life, be strong, find new interests, contend with the losses, and find yourself capable of dealing with loss, and possibly even find a renewed interest in life and renewed interest in experiencing the small things in daily life of beauty and pleasure.
Yes, pretty much every day. You wanted to know how people deal with it--for me, acceptance is how. I accept that I'm powerless, and therefore I believe in taking whatever preventative steps that I can, and then letting go. Life has no guarantees except that things can change on a dime, bad things sometimes happen despite the best preventions, and we have very little power to do anything about a huge number of things. It stinks, but on the other hand life has a way of going on, for better or for worse. Somehow we muddle through. Also, once you accept that you're fairly powerless over the big things that can happen, you realize dwelling on it too much won't help much. And that endless worrying can hurt your health and eat away at the good days that life has given you. Why make things worse? Life also hands out plenty of good moments--might as well enjoy them while we can. Can't stop the world, why let it stop you?
Last edited by Caladium; 08-28-2013 at 02:52 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
