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Old 10-20-2020, 12:31 PM
 
457 posts, read 466,937 times
Reputation: 2483

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Gee, I am glad I didn't read this article or posting earlier. I like people...nuf said. I look at each person as a friend until he/she becomes a total jerk. Jerks do not belong in my life and I have met very few. I always look forward to meeting new people at church, in the grocery store line, at senior center luncheons, etc. I have old friends and look forward to making new ones. I totally agree with Post #24 above.
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Old 10-20-2020, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
13,868 posts, read 4,644,399 times
Reputation: 28600
It is very coincidental to me that this thread is being revived just now because less than three months ago, I moved to a new (rural) community where everyone generally cares about each other, and it is so different from the suburbs I have lived in all my life. I am wondering if it is a matter of luck and/or culture -- or maybe it is just finding a group of truly nice people.

I just moved from a metro Denver suburb where we lived for eight years, and in all that time, I met ONE neighbor, but she was much older than I am and we had nothing in common, so the potential for friendship quickly died. Everyone else seemed to be working younger couples (30's and 40's), and most had kids. We, however, lived there when we were in our mid-50's to early-to-mid 60's. I also worked with much younger people. And I was an introvert.

NOW, however, we live on a rural road just two miles from the nearest very small town. There are only 15 houses on it, and all but five of the homes are either rentals or occupied by snowbirds who leave the area during the colder months, and we are all in our late 60's to late 70's. The truly surprising thing to me is how different my life is now compared to the suburban life I led for over six decades, and that is because of the women who live on my road.

I knew that my husband and I were in a different world when our neighbors all introduced themselves to us within the first two weeks, bringing home-baked goodies to us, and then they invited me to become part of their regular walking group, and acted as personal guides to our new area, and inviting me to join in various activities, from shopping to attending town meetings! And, also, without being the least bit intrusive, they would share a bit of their personal history and were not at all judgmental when I shared some of mine. In fact, after we had been walking together for about six weeks and I said something like, "You know, I might be deluding myself, but I really feel as though you are already my friends," they laughed, and one of them put her arm around my waist and said, "Well, of course you are!" I have never had such a warm and kind reception from anyone in my entire life!

We all have very different backgrounds and very different interests and somewhat different political views, so maybe the reason we all get along so well is because we are retired now and in the same general age group, and because we're all nice people --but whatever the reason, I am so glad and grateful and happy that I have finally found some neighbors whom I actually consider to be my friends.

(But all that being said, I can't help but wonder if it is too good to be true and I am deluding myself. I think it will be a couple of years before I let my guard completely down because I have been hurt by "friends" before, and not just once or twice.)
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Old 10-20-2020, 04:56 PM
 
Location: The High Desert
11,824 posts, read 6,592,093 times
Reputation: 22610
My experience with friends was strained because I moved away, first 150 miles and later 1000 miles. My best and longest friends are those I made in my work in the early to mid 1970s. We have hung together for a very long time. My wife was the social director once we were married and she made our new connections and friendships. I had work friends but more coworkers than friends. I had no clue how to do it when she died. People were nice but were distanced. I learned that I needed to say YES instead of NO at any social invitation if I could make it. Secondly, I sought out groups where there were new people. Making friends with people that did not know my wife was a new experience. Later I moved another thousand miles and by then I had it figured out. Covid has clamped down on my social contacts and outlets so I'll have to work at it again.
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Old 10-21-2020, 12:23 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
6,228 posts, read 5,647,269 times
Reputation: 13764
My two closest friends went up and died on me - just like that. One passed away a year and a half ago and the other three days after last Christmas. I am by nature an introvert, so it is more difficult for me to make many friends. Still, I was gearing up to get past the depression of these two losses and get out into my community/church to do some volunteer work or whatever. Before I could do much, covid came along and we're all now under house arrest - or that's how it feels, anyhow. I don't know which is worse - to die from loneliness or die from a virus.
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Old 10-21-2020, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
13,868 posts, read 4,644,399 times
Reputation: 28600
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
My two closest friends went up and died on me - just like that. One passed away a year and a half ago and the other three days after last Christmas. I am by nature an introvert, so it is more difficult for me to make many friends. Still, I was gearing up to get past the depression of these two losses and get out into my community/church to do some volunteer work or whatever. Before I could do much, covid came along and we're all now under house arrest - or that's how it feels, anyhow. I don't know which is worse - to die from loneliness or die from a virus.
I am so sorry for your situation, even though I will be surprised if someone doesn't reply that no one ever died from loneliness. (However, my guess would be that at least some suicides were a result of that.)

I hope you will keep reminding yourself that the restrictions won't last forever -- or at least I am 99.9% convinced that people will revolt if they are still in effect in June, at the LATEST. (I would be in favor of them ending now except for hot areas or areas that have seen a sharp increase in hospitalizations.)

Virtual hugs to you.
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Old 10-21-2020, 12:49 PM
 
Location: NMB, SC
16,935 posts, read 5,149,072 times
Reputation: 17959
I actually made several new friends due to this pandemic. The social distancing has driven many to take to the beach to get some daily exercise and fresh air. I started walking at the same time every day and started saying hello to those I passed every day. I have gone to breakfast with a few of them now so our friendship is moving off the beach yet still limited.

I am thankful for the few I have met. On the warmer days we have our chairs and sit and talk a while.
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Old 10-21-2020, 12:52 PM
 
Location: NMB, SC
16,935 posts, read 5,149,072 times
Reputation: 17959
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
My two closest friends went up and died on me - just like that. One passed away a year and a half ago and the other three days after last Christmas. I am by nature an introvert, so it is more difficult for me to make many friends. Still, I was gearing up to get past the depression of these two losses and get out into my community/church to do some volunteer work or whatever. Before I could do much, covid came along and we're all now under house arrest - or that's how it feels, anyhow. I don't know which is worse - to die from loneliness or die from a virus.
What about any parks nearby where you can get outside to walk every day ?
Getting outside among other people and establishing a routine may help you find some new friends.
It did for me.
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Old 10-21-2020, 01:00 PM
 
1,047 posts, read 434,139 times
Reputation: 4187
Many of my closest friends have died.

I have one friend that was overly aggressive about her political viewpoints and I've chosen to distance myself for the time being. May revisit this after the election.

Another friend is choosing to isolate herself because of Covid (we could meet outdoors but she won't).

I have a good longtime friend who doesn't live in my state. She was spending a lot of time in my state for family reasons but that is no longer the case, and she is too far for a weekend visit. I may or may not see her again but for now, this friendship is on the back burner.

I've tried to put effort into some new friendships but the women don't seem interested in reciprocating.

One of the women is married and won't do anything with just me or with me and another friend we both know. She'll only do something if her husband can come along, which is fine, but it means she's just looking for a social outlet not a friendship.

Another woman friend moved about an hour drive's away. I've made the effort to call her, text her, and visited her twice now--but she's shown no effort to reciprocate. I sense that she doesn't want to commit to anything on weekends and wants to only spend time with her daughter and grandkids.

There's a widow at my church who I befriended and we went out a few times before Covid. That relationship has some potential but she has physical limitations that make it difficult for her to get out and about.

I would like more male platonic friends but haven't found any yet.
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Old 10-21-2020, 01:20 PM
 
1,096 posts, read 913,378 times
Reputation: 1490
Quote:
Originally Posted by katharsis View Post
It is very coincidental to me that this thread is being revived just now because less than three months ago, I moved to a new (rural) community where everyone generally cares about each other, and it is so different from the suburbs I have lived in all my life. I am wondering if it is a matter of luck and/or culture -- or maybe it is just finding a group of truly nice people.

I just moved from a metro Denver suburb where we lived for eight years, and in all that time, I met ONE neighbor, but she was much older than I am and we had nothing in common, so the potential for friendship quickly died. Everyone else seemed to be working younger couples (30's and 40's), and most had kids. We, however, lived there when we were in our mid-50's to early-to-mid 60's. I also worked with much younger people. And I was an introvert.

NOW, however, we live on a rural road just two miles from the nearest very small town. There are only 15 houses on it, and all but five of the homes are either rentals or occupied by snowbirds who leave the area during the colder months, and we are all in our late 60's to late 70's. The truly surprising thing to me is how different my life is now compared to the suburban life I led for over six decades, and that is because of the women who live on my road.

I knew that my husband and I were in a different world when our neighbors all introduced themselves to us within the first two weeks, bringing home-baked goodies to us, and then they invited me to become part of their regular walking group, and acted as personal guides to our new area, and inviting me to join in various activities, from shopping to attending town meetings! And, also, without being the least bit intrusive, they would share a bit of their personal history and were not at all judgmental when I shared some of mine. In fact, after we had been walking together for about six weeks and I said something like, "You know, I might be deluding myself, but I really feel as though you are already my friends," they laughed, and one of them put her arm around my waist and said, "Well, of course you are!" I have never had such a warm and kind reception from anyone in my entire life!

We all have very different backgrounds and very different interests and somewhat different political views, so maybe the reason we all get along so well is because we are retired now and in the same general age group, and because we're all nice people --but whatever the reason, I am so glad and grateful and happy that I have finally found some neighbors whom I actually consider to be my friends.

(But all that being said, I can't help but wonder if it is too good to be true and I am deluding myself. I think it will be a couple of years before I let my guard completely down because I have been hurt by "friends" before, and not just once or twice.)
Thanks for sharing as that's a nice story and I'm glad you, at least for now, found a nice community and social group. In this day and age, it's an even nicer story with so many people being split by politics and such.

Someone comments on the first page, but nowadays American's it seems just sit in their homes, close the blinds and either watch TV or are on their computer each night. Nobody really sits out and chats with others these days after dinner. I'm sure it can be a very lonely and boring life if you don't have a spouse or family in suburban America.
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Old 10-21-2020, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Florida -
10,136 posts, read 13,135,633 times
Reputation: 21437
Many folks anticipate where they will move/live in retirement, based on weather, traffic and hobbies. IMO, many seem to overlook the sometimes difficult task of establishing NEW friends as one ages. The reason is more due to available social situations and interactions, than being friendly or affable.

Since moving to Destin 10-years ago, we've made a lot of friends in the church, but, not so many outside the church. Of course, that's largely due to where WE hang-out, rather than where available new friends might be found. Likewise, I do a lot of speaking and teaching at the church, but, not elsewhere.

As people age, another reason it's often difficult to connect is that it's about all many can do to cultivate and maintain the circle of longtime friends they have, much less go through the 'speed dating' process of making new friends.

Ironically, as we've made more new friends here, many of our old friends from where we previously lived, have somewhat fallen into the Christmas card or special occasion category.
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