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Old 10-22-2020, 12:17 PM
 
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I think sometimes people are so afraid of rejection that they tend to hold back for fear of being hurt. I worked in sales and have a pretty thick skin so I tend to make the first move so to speak and I've been able to make new friends and keep them throughout my life. Everyone has a different comfort level though.
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Old 10-22-2020, 12:22 PM
 
Location: equator
11,035 posts, read 6,586,897 times
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Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
It is difficult & this point I'll settle for a potential kidney donor.
LOL. Now that's what I'd call a "real friend" and then some!
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Old 10-22-2020, 12:31 PM
 
747 posts, read 574,107 times
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It really depends on you. If you can make friends/acquaintances very easily, fine.

If not, or if you prefer being alone, or you mean the opposite sex, then-----

When in doubt, don't reach out. How about it?
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Old 10-22-2020, 02:30 PM
 
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This topic has come up before (about making friends as we age) and volunteering is often brought up, usually by me ; ) but now with Covid restrictions it's almost impossible to be involved in volunteering activities. I'm curious if most of the posters who want to make new friends are women. I know that friendships are not as important to my husband as they are to me. He has his brothers and my brothers and that's enough for him. I treasure my female friends (I'm a woman) and couldn't imagine my life without them.
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Old 10-23-2020, 09:43 AM
 
17,320 posts, read 11,192,172 times
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I really don't have too many expectations regarding this when I move to my retirement home next year in another state without knowing anyone. The people I've met so far have been very nice, very friendly. Even the woman I talked to on the phone when I called to have the heaters serviced a couple of weeks ago, was excited I was moving there from CA and said she was looking forward to meeting me when I move there in May. She probably could have talked to me for a half hour just for calling and having my heaters serviced. My realtor goes to the same church I will be attending and says he'll get me into the Knights of Columbus group he belongs to. It's a small town.

With that said, I would be fine with just having one maybe 2 friends and a few acquaintances that know me by name including neighbors. As long as people don't throw rocks at me for being from CA, I'm good to go, LOL. I'm not moving there to make friends and will stay in contact with my current friends that I've known for years. No one needs to live close by for me to talk to them on the phone or visit them a couple times a year if I want to do that. I've never been a person that needs several friends around them on a daily or weekly basis to be happy. I actually enjoy going out to eat by myself and doing things by myself 95% of the time.

Last edited by marino760; 10-23-2020 at 09:54 AM..
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Old 10-23-2020, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,246 posts, read 12,889,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rfomd129 View Post
This topic has come up before (about making friends as we age) and volunteering is often brought up, usually by me ; ) but now with Covid restrictions it's almost impossible to be involved in volunteering activities. I'm curious if most of the posters who want to make new friends are women. I know that friendships are not as important to my husband as they are to me. He has his brothers and my brothers and that's enough for him. I treasure my female friends (I'm a woman) and couldn't imagine my life without them.
I think that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "not important at all" and 10 being "very important", making new friends is about a 2.5 for me.

I'm content to let connections happen, without stressing out or wondering what is wrong with me. I've been alone for 67 years and still have had some very good friends who came into my life by happenstance. Before the pandemic, I talked to strangers all the time. I miss those casual conversations. I converse with my neighbors by text now but text is a poor substitute for socializing.

I looked into volunteering but have ruled it out. I like helping others but don't care for managerial types on power trips. I don't react well to the I'm-here-to-throw-my-weight-around people.

I like my own company best. I love traveling alone and being alone. I get to do exactly what I want to do. Life is too short to do anything else.

OTOH, friendships are very important -- I would even say "too important" -- to my spouse. If he sends an email to one of his friends and that person doesn't respond, he's upset for a week.

He made a few friends in a radio club 40 years ago and that's it. They're supposed to fulfill all his needs and relieve him of the work of making any more friends -- for the rest of his life. If not for the friends-for-life, by now he might have met up with people who share his interests, which I do not.

I have pointed out that his three friends have themselves all made new friends since 1980 and that he seems to be the only one trapped in amber. They have also moved on from amateur radio. He is not happy about that, either. Shrug.
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Old 10-23-2020, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Northern California
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Is making-new-friends-in-retirement more difficult for men than for women?
.
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Old 10-24-2020, 06:35 AM
 
3,342 posts, read 1,929,801 times
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Originally Posted by NW4me View Post
.
Is making-new-friends-in-retirement more difficult for men than for women?
.

I raised a son and a daughter and there was such a difference in the way they interacted with their friends. The boys were always doing something or working on something when they got together. The girls were happy to sit and chat even at a very young age. I never remember the boys just sitting around and chatting - ever!

My kids are very close in age and they and their friends had access to many different types of toys, games and art/music supplies and they chose to play the way they felt comfortable. Maybe as boys grow into men and then into older men, they generally need to be doing something when they make new friends. My favorite activity with my women friends is talking : )
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Old 10-24-2020, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
19,649 posts, read 9,192,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rfomd129 View Post
I raised a son and a daughter and there was such a difference in the way they interacted with their friends. The boys were always doing something or working on something when they got together. The girls were happy to sit and chat even at a very young age. I never remember the boys just sitting around and chatting - ever!
This is another illustration of why I laugh whenever anyone says there are no real gender differences as far as inborn traits.

My favorite personal experience of this is when my husband and I went to see an exhibit at a Denver museum, and while we were waiting for the museum to open in about 20 minutes or so, a school bus let out about 40 or so kids that looked to be third graders. The girls stood quietly in line or sat together in small groups of two or three on benches, but the boys were climbing on the large rocks and "kid friendly" sculptures, or else they were chasing each other. NO exceptions to that! It was very noticeable, and my husband and I were laughing about it.

Now maybe the girls had been indoctrinated to behave "like little ladies", but this was less than five years ago, and I don't think that kind of indoctrination or double standard was taught anymore!

Last edited by katharsis; 10-24-2020 at 09:24 AM..
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Old 10-24-2020, 08:30 AM
 
Location: NMB, SC
42,667 posts, read 17,872,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NW4me View Post
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Is making-new-friends-in-retirement more difficult for men than for women?
.
It might have more to do with personality traits then gender.

Introverts vs extroverts, shy vs outgoing.
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