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This is the Retirement forum. Did you mean to post this in the Relationships forum? Certainly that would have been more appropriate.
It seems quite appropriate for a retirement/aging/senior forum and this one deals with all of those issues. How many married retirees have suddenly discovered new pressures on their marriages when, after years of working separately, they find themselves thrust together hour-after-hour, day-after-day?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graywhiskers
Stringing your husband along for 40 years and then dumping him when you found something better is nothing to be proud of.
Let me guess. You were there during every one of those 40 years and are fully aware of all the dynamics of that relationship, right?
I wonder? Lets say we change the sexes, and a man posts this, who dumped his wife after 40 years and left her alone, while he runs off with a new love, say 10 or 15 years younger. I wonder if those of you who think this is so great and brave of the OP, would say the same if the OP was a man.
If my DH of 40 years really, truly, honestly fell in love with someone I would let him go (I would be hurt). There is no way we will have that love again, but I sure wouldn't deny him
I wonder? Lets say we change the sexes, and a man posts this, who dumped his wife after 40 years and left her alone, while he runs off with a new love, say 10 or 15 years younger. I wonder if those of you who think this is so great and brave of the OP, would say the same if the OP was a man.
Your husband has remarried too so it sounds like all's well that end's well. That's good.
Still when I read this, my gut reaction is that it's a sad story because you both seemed to have wasted so many years.
If there's a lesson to be learned from your story, I'm not sure what it is other than staying married to someone who doesn't love you or you don't love, even though you're friends who get along and share similar interests is .... a waste of time? Or you should never have gotten together in the first place? Help me out here.
I guess you stayed married forty years because of the kids? I'm all for starting a new life when you're older; it's not too late to find happiness. But the way you say he was a good provider makes it sound as if you stayed for the money he earned. But I am probably being judgmental and you earned a good living and didn't just sponge off him.
Anyway, I'm glad he found someone too. It would have been sad to see him alone at this stage of the game.
The way the tale reads to me is that just because you've gotten to a certain age doesn't mean you have to stay in a 'comfortable' situation for the rest of your life because the time for love and romance has gone by.
I appreciate that it's even more difficult when the spouse is a nice/good person and understand that, while leaving may hurt him/her, staying is also depriving him the chance to find someone that really cares.
The only disagreement I have with some other opinions is that I wouldn't call it especially gutsy or brave unless this had been done with no new love interest in the picture but with only the idea of fairness as the motivator.
I think it's wonderful that you are happy. And yup, anyone of any age deserves to be. No point in staying in a dead marriage.
But----I don't understand how it is possible to find someone else while still being married. To me, it is better and more ethical to end the marriage that is no longer working and then find someone else, not find someone else while married and then get a divorce. It may work to do this for a job (find a new one while currently employed), but not so well when dealing with people and very deep emotions. Your ex may have been less hurt if you had just wanted out, not out because you found someone else.
Having the courage and gumption to change partners late in life is indeed interesting and relevant, that romantic/sexual aspects do not die with age.
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Originally Posted by PhxBarb
UKgirl: You are very gutsy and took a huge risk and I was happy to read your post and learn that it all worked out for all of you.
So having an affair while married and then eventually asking your spouse for a divorce so you can be free to marry the other woman you've been slinking around town with is gutsy and courageous?
Oh wait...it wasn't a man leaving his wife for the other woman, it was a wife leaving her husband for another man so of course it's wonderful that she found true love.
I guess you stayed married forty years because of the kids? I'm all for starting a new life when you're older; it's not too late to find happiness. But the way you say he was a good provider makes it sound as if you stayed for the money he earned. But I am probably being judgmental and you earned a good living and didn't just sponge off him.
Interesting that you picked up on that. Especially in light of her post on this forum last year shortly after she left her husband. Was she all starry eyed about the new love of her life? Was she concerned about the man whose life she had just shredded after 40 years? No, her main concern was that now that she had made this decision, she was going to have to wait before she could file for spousal Social Security benefits.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ukgirl49
I am disconcerted to read that I need to wait 2 years after divorce to file for spousal benefit
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