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I remember being introduced to a rather strange but somewhat intriguing woman at work going-on 25 years ago. Over the course of several years we got to know one another somewhat; enough to know that we were polar opposites politically and in other ways. She was an original 60s-70s, bra-burning, hippie feminist and as she put it, a "bleeding heart, left wing, hope-to-die liberal Democrat." I was a combat veteran, former state narcotics agent and, at the time, very conservative Republican. Also, she was a Buddhist and I'm a Catholic. Yet some how we managed to form a friendship over the course of about five years. We must have. We've now been married for 18.
Finding friends who are different doesn't necessarily have to be difficult. You just have to be open to it and them.
Politics Affects EVERY THING!!!!!! Because government is involved in our lives right to the point of telling you that you need to put on your seatbelt...
I remember being introduced to a rather strange but somewhat intriguing woman at work going-on 25 years ago. Over the course of several years we got to know one another somewhat; enough to know that we were polar opposites politically and in other ways. She was an original 60s-70s, bra-burning, hippie feminist and as she put it, a "bleeding heart, left wing, hope-to-die liberal Democrat." I was a combat veteran, former state narcotics agent and, at the time, very conservative Republican. Also, she was a Buddhist and I'm a Catholic. Yet some how we managed to form a friendship over the course of about five years. We must have. We've now been married for 18.
Finding friends who are different doesn't necessarily have to be difficult. You just have to be open to it and them.
Loved this, Curmudgeon. Your wife sounds like me. So---I have to ask---since so many people who were hippieish years ago don't have any traces of it left in them at this point...has your wife changed? Or is she still as liberal/feminist/hippieish as ever?
You need to go where like minded women are. There seems to be a disconnect between the women you find attractive and their philosophies.
You should be screening for vegetarian yoga instructors who teach at California colleges and have hairy armpits.
That seems mean and nasty, rude and unhelpful. Hopefully it was supposed to be funny.
I am retired, single, and don't live around any seniors right now but plan to move away next year. I have trouble finding girlfriends because I keep running into opinionated people. I try to be super non committal about religion and politics, but they sniff around to see where I stand and once they finally, finally find out (I'm an atheist/agnostic and a very liberal democrat), they drop me.
Part of this is due to the conservative town that I live in, I think, and I hope to remedy that but is there any way to tactfully avoid the subject of religion and politics indefinitely unless I can find someone who shares my opinions?
P.S. I've tried joining groups around these subjects and that hasn't worked where I live; one group is all male college students, and the other is tiny, full of busy women who don't have time for a single retired woman.
P.P.S. Is this an uncommon problem? I can't tell if it's mostly just the town I live in!
I just saw this thread and am in a very similar position. Never married (people find that suspicious), no children, soon to retire to as an yet unknown to me location. I have found it increasingly hard to make friends as I age. There has been a slow steady downward decline since my late 30s. I have moved to different states within the midwest and it just gets harder.
I am sort of liberal on some things and sort of conservative on others. People who are really on one end of the spectrum or the other (tea party etc) are not to my liking, never mind that they can't accept me. Not being religious seems mostly to just not provide that avenue to a social scene.
People seem to be either very polarized or just don't care. Most of the people I've been friendly with in the last 10 years tend to be the don't care, they'll be friends with anyone they like and we don't talk about that sort of stuff. Which is fine but a little limiting. And its true, most women, often very lovely people, who have families, even empty nesters, are busy with that and simply have very little extra time.
I too am looking for somewhere there are other people my age to be friends with. I have no desire to "hook up". A platonic best friend, or a few, of either sex would be great. Someone to hang with, watch tv with, casual, travel. Sometimes I feel like I'm asking to have junior high school friends again
Seems like FL is chock full of all sorts of people but I'm not too fond of that kind of heat.
To answer your last question I don't think its your town. I've lived in 3 different places in the last 15 years. I think people who are independent minded have a tough time.
Politics Affects EVERY THING!!!!!! Because government is involved in our lives right to the point of telling you that you need to put on your seatbelt...
I agree with the first half of your post. It affects everything. I suspect I vote differently than you though. But I am surprised at how many posters say it is a topic to avoid. Like anything else, know when enough is enough and don't berate people. But how we are governed is important stuff, IMO.
Last edited by ReachTheBeach; 06-18-2015 at 06:37 AM..
Okay, the seatbelt question is one I never even thought of. Seatbelts became mandatory somewhere back in the early 1970s, I think. Back then there was also controversy about wearing helmets on motorcycles. Motorcycles don't concern me except that my sister rides on one with her boyfriend but both have the sense to wear helmets, law or no law.
But if I am going to give someone a ride, I'm not going to give them a ride if they won't wear their seatbelt. It's just plain silly to make me take a risk like that. If I'm in an accident and the person isn't wearing their seatbelt, I guess I would be responsible if they go flying through the window on impact. That's not even politics or religion. I just hope the state of Virginia has a seatbelt law like other states--I think they do.
ETA: Just checked and they do require seatbelts. There is a loophole though, back seat passengers do not have to wear seatbelts so they get to become like bullets to the front seat riders.
Loved this, Curmudgeon. Your wife sounds like me. So---I have to ask---since so many people who were hippieish years ago don't have any traces of it left in them at this point...has your wife changed? Or is she still as liberal/feminist/hippieish as ever?
Perhaps a bit less hippieish but not a whole lot. Over the intervening years I've moved left enough become a social moderate and my wife has moved right enough to do the same. Guess I ruined her, huh? We're both fiscal conservatives, much of which comes many years working in the political arena and seeing all the waste that comes of idealism. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable knowing where all the skeletons are buried and being well versed in "real politik!"
Now before anyone asks, "Yes!" we still disagree at times. No surprise there. When we both worked, on occasion we'd both testify on the same bill before policy and fiscal committees of the Legislature with one of us in support and the other in opposition. Some fun!
I'm a single woman in a large population area and ready for retirement so I'm in the same boat as you but I'm on the "other side". I find that most people are NOT religious or conservative, especially single people, whereas I am, and I often feel like a duck out of water. It's a lifestyle issue though, not an issue of being with people who have different beliefs from me. Most single people in my area are interested in drinking, casinos, partying, travelling, spending money on dining out, and exploring casual sexual relationships. I'm not into any of this. The church I attend is mostly families. So yes, I'm left out of social stuff. I do a lot of things alone and I have a lot of hobbies and interests so I'm not lonely. I have a wide variety of friends though. Some are religious and conservative, others are liberal and secular. I do not pick and choose friends according to politics or religion. To me, friendships are about casual socialzing, fun, lighthearted outlets, not the time to debate politics or religion. Anyway, like most posters said, I'm not going to change my politicial or religious views nor am I trying to get the other person to change theirs, so why bother debating them?
Personally, I don't understand why secular liberals are so intolerant towards religious people these days. We aren't lepers. I'm a normal person like anyone else. I just happen to believe in God, attend a church, and have conservative views that go along with that. Why is that so bad? To not want to associate with me--well, isn't that an intolerant attitude? Well, whatever.
Bottom line--to me it's more about lifestyle differences. Not about differences in viewpoints.
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