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I dont know you, but I do know a lot of atheists. They are the only religion I know of(yes religion) that for the most part lets you know where they stand within about 1/2 hour after meeting them. Not saying you do this, but there seems to be desire to let people know about this for some reason in the ones I have met. I have very strong(bizarre) views on politics and religion and I live in Kentucky. I work among very conservative, provincial people. I have never, ever had any problems with politics or religion. There are tactful ways to avoid the subjects or be obtuse. I also feel that people who use and politics and religion as criteria for finding friends are missing out on a lot of potentially great friendships. Again, I don't know you, so I am not making any judgement, but if I was you, I might look inwardly to try to see why this problem keeps reoccurring.
You know, I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with anyone (in person) about politics OR religion.
I would need a really bad memory or a vow of silence for this to be true for me. People talk about these subjects all the time. I absolutely disagree that total avoidance of the subjects is the best course.
OP - You might try a Universalist church. In a lot of towns that's where the Humanists go to have coffee with the Buddhists.
I am retired, single, and don't live around any seniors right now but plan to move away next year. I have trouble finding girlfriends because I keep running into opinionated people. I try to be super non committal about religion and politics, but they sniff around to see where I stand and once they finally, finally find out (I'm an atheist/agnostic and a very liberal democrat), they drop me.
Part of this is due to the conservative town that I live in, I think, and I hope to remedy that but is there any way to tactfully avoid the subject of religion and politics indefinitely unless I can find someone who shares my opinions?
P.S. I've tried joining groups around these subjects and that hasn't worked where I live; one group is all male college students, and the other is tiny, full of busy women who don't have time for a single retired woman.
P.P.S. Is this an uncommon problem? I can't tell if it's mostly just the town I live in!
No. It isn't an uncommon problem. Much of America has been overtaken by conservative right wing thought. Moderate and progressive churches used to be in the majority.
Now it seems that the fundamentalists are in the mainstream.
Can you possibly relocate? I'd suggest a college town almost anywhere in the US. New England is a pretty right wing free area. Look around for a Unitarian Universilist Society. Not everyone who attends believes in God - although some do. They attract the type of people you would most likely enjoy.
I know it's difficult. But there are others just like you out there. You are not alone.
I do get my "fix" online with these touchy subjects, especially on Facebook, but I still need real friends and this keeps happening. I do not date anymore. I'm looking for just some gal pals. Just a good ol' fashioned secular friendship.
How small is your town? It's been my experience that most people aren't religious.
Everybody can find their "tribe." You just have to keep looking. Seriously, have you tried meetup.com, or tried googling hobby related groups? It's not that hard.
I am a liberal non-believer living in the bible belt, in a neighborhood of mostly retired people who are from all over the country. Church is big around here, but I never have a problem with these issues. I don't go around advertising my feelings on these issues and I doubt any of my friends, other than my spouse, could state what my beliefs are. I simply don't discuss religious or deeply personal, controversial issues, like abortion rights. I don't feel that I have to state or defend my position. I'm not going to change their minds about their views, so what would be the point? If someone puts me on the spot about an issue about which I feel differently, I just state that there are many viewpoints on that issue and I disagree. Then steer the conversation to another area. I do mentally note when someone has really radical viewpoints and, if it upsets me, avoid that person or avoid any discussion of that issue around them. I have a lot of casual friends, but very few people know my deepest thoughts and feelings, and I'm okay with that.
I answered earlier with a suggestion, now I am back with a comment after some reflection. IME, most liberals and agnostic atheists old enough to be posting on a retirement forum (myself included) were not raised as such. We flipped. It usually is the result of reflection, sometimes research and nearly always discussion. It often results in alienating (at some level) people we care about. When a friendship begins to develop, I think we bring up things that we fear might drive the person away before letting that person become too important.
Most people don't like to question their faith. I think people who are prone to discussing faith intellectually with an open mind are the ones most likely to abandon it. People who observe the plight of the less fortunate and want to do something about it realize that it takes more than just individuals acting alone to fix our broken system. So they seek out others. Just my experience.
Why would anyone want to take a negative energy subject like politics so seriously? It makes about as much sense if I said I can't be friends with a LA Lakers fan since I am a Golden State Warriors fan.
You will have to ask the people who don't want to date the OP because he's liberal.
You will have to ask the people who don't want to date the OP because he's liberal.
I think you need to look at the title and read the original post. I think it is a woman looking for close friends. Dating has only been mentioned in replies.
I would need a really bad memory or a vow of silence for this to be true for me. People talk about these subjects all the time. I absolutely disagree that total avoidance of the subjects is the best course.
OP - You might try a Universalist church. In a lot of towns that's where the Humanists go to have coffee with the Buddhists.
Not where I live. I've got almost 300 Facebook friends, the bulk are friends, family and coworkers I talk to all the time. I know that about 4 of them are religious. The rest, I've got no clue. Religion and politics never comes up. But then again, I never bring it up either.
You know, I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with anyone (in person) about politics OR religion. It just doesn't concern me any more. I figure that there is just stupidity I can't control out there, so let it be. If they've lived this long with such idiotic views, they will likely make it to the finish line without me to correct them. Nobody bothers me to find out where I stand on such issues.
If you are posting on the retirement board, I assume you are retired or close to it. That is plenty old enough to have a near-lifetime of dealing with these issues, and the experience to handle it easily. If you do not, then you may wish to examine just who it is - you or the others - that causes this discord. I never feel that anyone is trying to find where I stand on the issues. And I don't try to hide anything. Could you be the one who initiates such discussions, in your zeal to find a kindred soul?
I'm with you on this. The topic of politics and/ or religion does not come up in most face to face conversations.
I look for common ground, not differences.
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