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My first comment, OP, will surely draw much flack. But I have to say it, no matter the cost. You have chosen a most unfortunate poster name for yourself. The word "nazi" once reigned fear and death into so many people's lives in such cruel ways. So many years have passed since then, people forget, younger people do not understand the full meaning of that awful word. So they make jokes about it. Ask the person with a tattoo on their arm that indicated "who" they were over there. I am not Jewish, did not live in Europe, but I have a compassion for those who endured those horrible times.
I am noticing in your posts there is an awful lot of "me" in what you write. And it sounds like you are pinning your life on your son. And how much you miss him.
What happened to your life? Aren't you responsible for your own happiness? Have you given thought to the idea your dependence on him has caused more weight for him than he can carry? At his age, he has the right to his own life, no matter how you feel about it. There are many parents out there who don't see their kids but once a year based on logistics. They survive by making a life for themselves.
Please get some therapy to help you with this. You need to let go of your son.
Oh good grief! I AM Jewish, and even my first reaction to OP's C-D name is "cool Seinfeld ref." Everyone knows who the Soup Nazi is and I don't think they associate the character with the death camps, one of which my uncle helped liberate. So get off that high horse and chill, please. And as far as the OP being a "weight" on her son's life and needing therapy, please. She's been the one to relocate several times to be near him, and it doesn't sound like he's been put out much to try and make time for her anyway. Personally I think Soup Nazi should go back to Vermont and be with her friends. She can always Skype with her son. Make plans to have her dog cared for if there were to be a medical emergency or, G-d forbid, she dies. (i.e., trust fund for a rescue, etc.) I'm facing the same problem for my cats, as a widow with no kids or relatives on this coast. I understand her worries about healthcare problems., etc. I have the same ones. But there are solutions to be found, and I think with the support of her friends she will be in a much better situation than she is now. Even without therapy.
My first comment, OP, will surely draw much flack. But I have to say it, no matter the cost. You have chosen a most unfortunate poster name for yourself. The word "nazi" once reigned fear and death into so many people's lives in such cruel ways. So many years have passed since then, people forget, younger people do not understand the full meaning of that awful word. So they make jokes about it. Ask the person with a tattoo on their arm that indicated "who" they were over there. I am not Jewish, did not live in Europe, but I have a compassion for those who endured those horrible times.
Unfortunately that's the way it is with boys. Unless any GF is an angel and consents to include you in the equation of their couple dynamics you basically sit somewhere between the status of a friendly neighbor to that of a complete enemy. He's already dug in at this point co-signing for her loan and paying off her debt. He seems caring enough to consider you but they didn't invite you to live with them either and that is a 'they' type question, so there's your answer unless he comes up with it now. Maybe if the rest of them move in he will wake up and see the same wasn't available to his own mother.
Move back to Vermont and put together your friends into a senior support group of each other. You are not alone in the possibilities of future uncertainty. Chasing him around hasn't been either happy or healthy.
Is your relationshio so weak that telling him what you think means you would never see him again??? Thats not much of a relationship. My mother let me have it plenty of times, and it never affected that part of our relationship. Move back, and move on with your life. Tell him why. Let him chew on it. Hes already in stupid land with how he's bleeding funds and delaying his future success, all for a "girlfriend"??? He needs to wake up on his own. Dont get dragged down with HIS ship. Ship, spelled with a T.
The issues in my mind isn't if a relationship is "weak" or not but about letting adult's live their lives as independent people without people giving unsolicited advice about how they are living their lives, the spouse is doing whatever that "I" don't agree with", etc, ie, being a nosy busy body. No, it's not easy to watch, but that's part of being an adult and "living and learning", without mommy and/or daddy helicoptering over their adult kids. Not healthy.
You say your mom "let me have it plenty of times". If one is under 18, I think that's indeed a parents job. If one is in their 20's, 30's and beyond, an adult, and mom is still letting one "have it plenty of times" with unsolicited advice, I think that's unhealthy behavior for everyone. Adult's have to grow up, man or woman up, and make their own decisions in their own lives and parents need to respect this and stop butting in. And I think it should work in reverse with kids trying to butt into their parents lives with unsolicited advice. Not healthy.
Oh good grief! I AM Jewish, and even my first reaction to OP's C-D name is "cool Seinfeld ref." Everyone knows who the Soup Nazi is and I don't think they associate the character with the death camps, one of which my uncle helped liberate. So get off that high horse and chill, please. And as far as the OP being a "weight" on her son's life and needing therapy, please. She's been the one to relocate several times to be near him, and it doesn't sound like he's been put out much to try and make time for her anyway. Personally I think Soup Nazi should go back to Vermont and be with her friends. She can always Skype with her son. Make plans to have her dog cared for if there were to be a medical emergency or, G-d forbid, she dies. (i.e., trust fund for a rescue, etc.) I'm facing the same problem for my cats, as a widow with no kids or relatives on this coast. I understand her worries about healthcare problems., etc. I have the same ones. But there are solutions to be found, and I think with the support of her friends she will be in a much better situation than she is now. Even without therapy.
I've never been on a high horse. What's it like up there??
You are obviously just way too cool for people who can think. Wanting to be cool was never my thing.
Personally, I would move back to Vermont. Anyway, Oregon is a very weird, strange place...not a very happy place. ..
I don't know on what facts you conclude that Oregon is "a very weird, strange place...not a very happy place." If her son's living situation in Oregon were not distressing she would be happy in Oregon or anyplace else for that matter.
The OP has a son who has attached himself to a needy woman. I agree that discussing her with him will not improve the situation. If the OP has friends in Vermont and can find a living situation that meets her needs then move there. At a minimum she won't be watching her son make what she believes is a bad decision.
I would simply tell son what she is planning and get on with life.
I don't know on what facts you conclude that Oregon is "a very weird, strange place...not a very happy place." If her son's living situation in Oregon were not distressing she would be happy in Oregon or anyplace else for that matter.
The OP has a son who has attached himself to a needy woman. I agree that discussing her with him will not improve the situation. If the OP has friends in Vermont and can find a living situation that meets her needs then move there. At a minimum she won't be watching her son make what she believes is a bad decision.
I would simply tell son what she is planning and get on with life.
Very telling line. His mother is a needy woman. His girlfriend is what he knows.
Sorry, "cool" has never been my thing - nor snark.
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And as far as the OP being a "weight" on her son's life and needing therapy, please. She's been the one to relocate several times to be near him, and it doesn't sound like he's been put out much to try and make time for her anyway. Personally I think Soup Nazi should go back to Vermont and be with her friends. She can always Skype with her son. Make plans to have her dog cared for if there were to be a medical emergency or, G-d forbid, she dies. (i.e., trust fund for a rescue, etc.) I'm facing the same problem for my cats, as a widow with no kids or relatives on this coast. I understand her worries about healthcare problems., etc. I have the same ones. But there are solutions to be found, and I think with the support of her friends she will be in a much better situation than she is now. Even without therapy. 
