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Yeah, changing the story, changing your "program" would help tremendously. Also, there are a lot of people on here who took time and energy to help you sort through some of your issues. Please don't play the victim with the "I've learned my lesson not to post emotional support requests". That is not fair, nor grateful to the general kindness of those on here who were attempting to be supportive to you.
I live alone, 61 and have many chronic illnesses. I have no family anymore and only one friend, who is hundreds of miles away. I need someone to give me a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I feel guilty for all my doctor visits, because the government is paying to keep a person alive who has no loved ones and no one who cares about them. I have no interests in hobbies other than tv and the internet. I'm trying to give my dog away to someone because I can't afford to take good care of her anymore, can't afford the veterinary bills. I'm poor and have no prospects or money to move to a senior complex where there might be built in friends.
Can anyone give me a reason to keep going on like this? I'm not looking for pity! I am looking for answers. I've been in bed all day due to fecal incontinence and am going to doctors to try to take care of that but feel guilty and useless for doing so.
Oh and I do not go to church because I'm an agnostic. I stay home all the time due to not feeling good.
That man cannot live on bread alone is true and though a healthier diet or having pet companions would likely help you "feel" better, I sense that you need more. Without a sense of purpose, life tends to lack meaning.
The real question is, why are you agnostic? No disrespect but I find it difficult to look at the world and not see beauty, one that is created.
Perhaps you yearn for meaning and purpose. We do not have to have the answers to everything... Though we yearn for more and search for more, and sometimes do not like what we find... Written in our hearts is the truth that we were created to be loved. I can only imagine how much being alone hurts as you are lacking love... And others to share your love with.
I live alone, 61 and have many chronic illnesses. I have no family anymore and only one friend, who is hundreds of miles away. I need someone to give me a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I feel guilty for all my doctor visits, because the government is paying to keep a person alive who has no loved ones and no one who cares about them. I have no interests in hobbies other than tv and the internet. I'm trying to give my dog away to someone because I can't afford to take good care of her anymore, can't afford the veterinary bills. I'm poor and have no prospects or money to move to a senior complex where there might be built in friends.
Can anyone give me a reason to keep going on like this? I'm not looking for pity! I am looking for answers. I've been in bed all day due to fecal incontinence and am going to doctors to try to take care of that but feel guilty and useless for doing so.
Oh and I do not go to church because I'm an agnostic. I stay home all the time due to not feeling good.
The last sentence is the beginning of your solution. I am sure you don't like to hear that but the truth is the truth and I would not be doing you any favors not to be truthful.
As for one reason to keep living: If you were supposed to be dead, you would be. So there is a reason for you to live although I cannot say what it is. God knows and if you would submit to Him and ask what that reason is I know He would answer you. As long as there is life, there is hope.
Start getting up and going outside every day. That in itself will make you feel better. You are just as worthy of help as anyone else. Depression gets worse as you go inward. Get out of your box, whatever it takes. And remember that God loves us even when we don't love ourselves. Give Him a chance to show you that.
An agnostic is not an atheist, fwiw. Dictionary: "a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God."
Plenty of people in the world are agnostic. That doesn't mean there's no meaning in their world and no ability to see and appreciate the aesthetic and what's good. Being an agnostic doesn't necessarily correlate with being depressed, if that's indeed what's going on.
Although those who believe in God mean well, I for one do not think that comments to the effect of taking on a religion is going to be of help to someone who has another belief system. Number one is getting the medical straightened out, and from there making connections with people and/or cultural interests.
I live alone, 61 and have many chronic illnesses. I have no family anymore and only one friend, who is hundreds of miles away. I need someone to give me a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I feel guilty for all my doctor visits, because the government is paying to keep a person alive who has no loved ones and no one who cares about them. I have no interests in hobbies other than tv and the internet. I'm trying to give my dog away to someone because I can't afford to take good care of her anymore, can't afford the veterinary bills. I'm poor and have no prospects or money to move to a senior complex where there might be built in friends.
Can anyone give me a reason to keep going on like this? I'm not looking for pity! I am looking for answers. I've been in bed all day due to fecal incontinence and am going to doctors to try to take care of that but feel guilty and useless for doing so.
Oh and I do not go to church because I'm an agnostic. I stay home all the time due to not feeling good.
I too am disabled and have no close family left. I'm certainly no stranger to major depressive episodes and life at or below the poverty line often leaves me feeling exhausted and hopeless. My truck has just given up for once and for all, and I have no money to replace it. I live an isolated existance miles from town and feelings of loneliness can keep me down for days at a time. But I don't feel guilty about getting medical care and other forms of assistance. I worked hard for 30 years of my life and paid my taxes on every April 15th. I feel that I paid into the system as long as I was able to, and now in all fairness, the system should return the favor.
The last thing you should do is to give away your dog. In my bleakest moments I think of what would happen to my animal companions (2 cats and a dog) should I no longer be around to care for them, so I keep going because I won't abandon my 3 friends. I also feel that I can use my disability and low income to understand and have compassion for those who suffer as I have. My old next door neighbor lost his job, then his apartment when his savings ran out. He's over 55 and it's difficult for him to find another job in our town where the unemployment rate hovers around 7.5%. When I heard that he would soon be homeless, I tracked him and his dog Cleo down at the seediest motel in town. I offered him and Cleo the use of my spare room and let the rent slide until he finds another job. He has repayed me many times over with the things he does around here without being asked, rides to town in his jeep and paid me several hundred dollars when he got his tax refund.
I also send $10.00/month (all I can afford) to Oxfam. They send me a circular every month which explains what they are doing - especially in Africa and other third world countries. I cry when I hear about those people's suffering, but now I do my small bit to make things better for them. And when I see an injustice being done at the local or state level, I not only send e-mails of protest to every last member of the Colorado legislature, I also go to the newspapers. Every single time I have done this, the local papers have published stories about what I have told them is going on, and I once even was on the front page of the paper of a major city - I didn't want that 15 minutes of fame, but the journalist who wrote the story felt she could best make it come home to people by telling one individual's story, rather than just publishing a bunch of boring statistics.
I have managed to do these things despite the fact that I have a brain injury which makes my life very difficult for me. I remain passionate about life despite the hardships I have endured. I like to think that Colorado Rambler has made a small contribution to society under the most difficult of situations:
My advise? First start with your dog. There are resources available in almost every town for low income people trying to care for a pet. Do a Google search and find the one nearest to you. Take down their number and call and ask for help with your pet bills. You need to establish a caring connection with another living being. Your loyal dog who wants only to please and loves you is a great start. Call up social services and ask if they have any programs to assist low income people who are in a bad place. I called my local social services office - darn near in tears - and got information on a program to assist people like you and I that I never knew existed. I now have a home health care worker who comes out 3 times a week (I could have her come every day if I were bedridden). I qualify for 4 free rides into town every week so I can shop, visit the library and drop in on my best friend. Call your local social services and explain your condition and that you need help. You just might get it if only you reach out.
Almost every town of any size has a federally mandated Independence Center. Independence Centers were created to make life easier for those with disabilities - they offer peer support sessions, individual therapy, help with housing, etc. Again Google the name of your town plus "Independence Center". Call them and tell them you need help. The Independence Center in my little town gave me a housing voucher plus info on near-by low income senior living apartments for those over age 62 or the disabled. Plus, call your local Housing Authority and ask for info on any senior living centers which they may administer in your area.
Finally, stop looking inward just at yourself and your own suffering. Reach out. Who better than you to understand the difficulties to be a low income person with a disability? Read, watch public TV and not just the sit-com re-runs. Wander around the Internet - there's so much going on and so much info you can get from the I-net. Listen to your favorite music - not the sad stuff, but the happy. Even bed-ridden you can still be a part of this world and a force for the good, not the negative.
Now go give your doggie a big hug from me and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I live alone, 61 and have many chronic illnesses. I have no family anymore and only one friend, who is hundreds of miles away. I need someone to give me a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I feel guilty for all my doctor visits, because the government is paying to keep a person alive who has no loved ones and no one who cares about them. I have no interests in hobbies other than tv and the internet. I'm trying to give my dog away to someone because I can't afford to take good care of her anymore, can't afford the veterinary bills. I'm poor and have no prospects or money to move to a senior complex where there might be built in friends.
Can anyone give me a reason to keep going on like this? I'm not looking for pity! I am looking for answers. I've been in bed all day due to fecal incontinence and am going to doctors to try to take care of that but feel guilty and useless for doing so.
Oh and I do not go to church because I'm an agnostic. I stay home all the time due to not feeling good.
How about you're gonna be dead a hell of a lot longer than you're gonna be alive, and nothing really matters anyway...
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